New Blog - Life Related

Hello all... I just wanted to thank you all for your support throughout the last 3 years.  While I have enjoyed this blog immensely, I do not feel that it's really where I should be anymore.  I have started a new blog...more life related... less safe I guess than just being about weight loss.  Anyone who is interested in checking it out, please feel free.

Http://pandaspetpeeves.blogspot.com

2nd Interview Today

I'm a little nervous.  I hate interviewing.  I think I present myself fairly well but it's particularly difficult when you can't see the person's face.  It's hard to gauge a reaction when they're on mute, ya know?   Fingers crossed that I do well so that I can hurry up and wait.

I realized yesterday that Hubby and I are going to be i a lot of trouble in a few years.  Girls went outside to play with the neighbor boys.  I look out and see this.  SIGH

They had a good day yesterday and I feel so lucky that we found this neighborhood with so many kids.   Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.  Hubby and I are going out to dinner and then walking around Jacksonville Beach to see what we can see.  We haven't really hung out down that way, opting instead for more local beaches.  Should be fun and I bought a new casual dress to wear.  I'll make sure to snap a pic before I go.

Food yesterday was pretty good and I had a food victory to report.  First the pics.  I always forget to take a pic of dinner.  Yesterday's dinner was chicken stir fry.  Very yummy.  I had a little bit of cottage cheese with it.

Breakfast - Fajita leftovers with hummus

Lunch - seafood salad

OK.  So I ate breakfast and then worked out.  NAILED it!  So a few hours later, I'm a little hungry and decide that lunch is needed.  I had made the girls mac and cheese and there was maybe half a helping left.  I put that on my small plate with my seafood salad.  I stopped and stared at it and had the following conversation with myself.
Me: "Self...you don't need that mac and cheese."
Self: "Ooooohhhh but it's so nommy.  And it's like half a serving.  Half a serving won't kill you."
Me: "It's out of a box.  I'm trying not to eat anything out of a box.  It's powdered cheese for God's sake!  And I was going to take a pic of my lunch for my blog."
Self: "It's not that big of a deal.  Just eat the mac and cheese and THEN take a pic for your blog."
Me: "That's lying!"
Self: "It's a blog.  Everybody lies a little on their blog."
Me: "I'm not even that hungry."
Self: "Who cares?  It's yummy!  And you worked out today.  A little extra calories won't kill you."
Me: "Oh shut up."

And I threw the mac and cheese in the trash and just ate my seafood salad.  VICTORIOUS!

Full disclosure time.  I did have a chocolate peanut butter bar that the neighbors made and gave us.  The girls ate the other one.  That treat was TOTALLY worth it and it was homemade from scratch, so the neighbor told us.  At least I'm making decisions and actually THINKING it through instead of just mindlessly eating everything that pops into my head.  I'm calling yesterday a win.

I'm off to maybe get some work done today.  Hope to at least get some cardio in later as I am super sore from the weights yesterday.  Wish me luck on my interview!

No Workout Yesterday

Things like that happen I guess.  I got caught up with work stuff and it just didn't happen.  This is why I'm working out this morning BEFORE work can really get going.  Ssssshhhh.  Don't tell anybody.

This made me laugh yesterday.  When I went to Phoenix the last time, my coworker had saved my name plate that hung outside my cube and gave it to me.  While cleaning my room, I found it and teased my husband that I was going to put it up outside my home office so everybody knows that it's all MINE.  Well...what do I see yesterday afternoon (it had been there a couple days but I'm really not that observant)?

Hehehe!  He makes me laugh.  I left it up...it IS mine after all.

We had taco salads for dinner.  They were awesome!

No...that's not a small plate.  So sue me.

I'm about to eat a small breakfast.  I'm not sure of what exactly but I'm hoping inspiration strikes while I'm in the kitchen.  And then...it's off to the treadmill and kettlebells I go.  Let's do this!

Hump Day Happy Thoughts!

In the News 7/29/13

I actually like this one.  On CNN...

'Teddy bear' drops 300 pounds

You can click the title for the full article.  Basically this guy went from 530 lbs to 230 lbs with diet and exercise.  Of course, there's the little jab about him being able to avoid gastric bypass but whatever.  I actually really like this story because of this guy's approach.  

I love this part:

A year later, Mac hit 530 pounds and realized he had to try to lose weight.

"There is not an 'aha' moment," he says. "It was more like, 'OK, if I'm going to try to do this, I'm going to have to do it a little bit at a time. But I better do something before I lose my family to my untimely demise.'"

So many of us have been asked what finally pushed us to the lose the weight.  I think for many of us there isn't any real defining moment.  For whatever reason, the motivation is finally there to get it done. He also gives 3 big tips for losing weight.

Mac's weight loss tips: 

1) Identify the bad foods and habits that trip you up and cut them out one by one.

2) Follow a consistent workout schedule. Plan it and do it. 

3) Set goals for yourself and tell others about them to keep you accountable.

I agree with these completely!!!  #1 was one of the first things I did - get rid of soda and fast food.  I was doing #2 religiously before I moved.  #3...I created a blog.  I think part of my issue is that these have all gone out the window. While the article points to a blog he "keeps" and I would think may be helpful to many, he stopped updating it in 2012 so I won't be following it.  I'm hoping his national spotlight will get him to start posting again.  

So here we go:

1) Sweet tea and bread.  I'm a sucker for both.  Getting rid of these first and foremost.

2) Until surgery - every night when Hubby gets home.  After school starts, every morning.

3) Working on this...goals are tough.  I've had them...challenges, runs, courses, events.  I've got to give this one more thought.  

I started something a little new this morning.  A habit I got into was not eating anything for breakfast.  Historically this wasn't a problem but I think it's beginning to cause an issue.  This morning, I started my day with leftover steak fajitas and hummus.  Weird breakfast?  Maybe...but I'm just not big on breakfast food.

No.  That isn't a GIANT coffee cup  Just gives scale to how small the plate is.

I'm feeling motivated.  Are you?

August Is Going To Be Tough

So...weigh in?  Sure.  Why not?

Last Week: 183.5
This week: 182
Change: -1.5
Total Change: 0

Seriously?  Are you kidding?  Whatever.  I'm over it.

So this weekend was awesome.  We went to the beach Saturday morning and even though we didn't really feel like it, we ended up having a great time for a few hours.  Sunday was spent cleaning my room.  I'm like a child..I keep up the rest of the house but my room is a wreck.  We re arranged the bed and everything because the former set up was triggering my night terrors.  At least that's the theory.  I slept better last night so I think there's something to it.

Incredibly disturbing... So yesterday we went to Applebees for the first time in YEARS.  Little NSV for Hubby on this one.  We never went to Applebees because they only had booths and Hubby couldn't fit.  Yesterday..no worries. :)  Anyway, despite pondering a couple of dishes that had rice or fries or whatever, I decided on a good option of grilled chicken with veggies.  Awesome.  Food comes and it looks good.  We start eating and it tastes good.  Then I look down and what do I see?  A very tiny, very CURLY, black HAIR in my food!!!  Blech!  Needless to say, appetite was gone and so was I.  Service was slow and everything was just iffy at this place.  Applebees is back off the menu.

What else?  Oh!  My interview...went well.  At least I think it did.  The whole thing was "Tell us about a time when..." and "Give us an example of..." questions.  I hate those!  I didn't get stuck on any and feel fairly good about it.  I have my second interview this Thursday.  I really want this job.

August is going to shape up to be a tough month.  I'm feelin' bullets on this one:

• We have our trip to Phoenix 8/7-8/14.  Travelling alone with two kids just isn't my idea of a cup of tea.
• I have the wait and see stuff with this job.
• I have my preop appt 8/6 and surgery 8/15.  I'm having a partial hysterectomy (can't remember if I put that in a different post).  Feeling a little nervous about it even though I've had surgery before...this feels different.
• Girls start school 8/19.  Before that, we need to go through all their clothes again to see what still fits and do school shopping. 
• I was supposed to go to Omaha for work at the end of August but will be recovering so that's off the table.  My boss is not happy about this.  The truth is that it wouldn't matter when I scheduled this surgery.  It's never a good time to be away from work for 2-4 weeks.  They'll just have to suck it up.  I want to do this asap in case I get offered that position.  I don't want to have to start just to go out on leave right away.
• It feels good to be discussing how much this surgery may cost out of pocket (after insurance) and know that we can make it work regardless.  We'll owe a $1500 deductible at the preop appointment and it's nice to know that we can do that.  There was a time not so long ago when that would've put brakes on the whole thing.
• That got me thinking that even if insurance premiums are made affordable for EVERYONE and EVERYONE gets insurance some day.  The lower income families are still going to go without care because of things like a $1500 deductible paid up front.  That's a lot of money to come up with.  Then to pay that 20% of everything else later.  Well...I can just see how this is still going to be an issue even if everyone has insurance.

OK.  I kind of went off on a tangent there.  Anyway...that feels like a lot going on in August and a lot to deal with.  I've also decided that once the girls start back (and I'm recovered from surgery) that I'm joining a big gym again.  I miss my gym and all the options.  I'm starting to check them out now so I'll be ready to go.  I'm committing to going every day after I drop the girls off at school.  Hopefully it'll jump start the losing again.  AND it will be after I get my fill so great things start happening in August.

Hope y'all had a good weekend and are ready to face whatever this week will bring!

I'll Never Weigh 125 lbs

So I'm a little slow, OK?  I was commenting on another blogger's site and hijacked it in the comments so decided to post it here.  I am not at my goal.

There I said.  How does that make me feel?  Meh.

It takes some of us longer than others to get where we want to be but here's the thing.  There is no finish line.  Even once at a goal weight, there's maintenance to worry about.  There's temptations and there's setbacks and stress and obstacles and LIFE.  Formerly fat folks...listen up!  You are ALWAYS going to battle your weight.  You are ALWAYS going to be formerly fat.  That's ingrained on you.  It has shaped the type of person you are today.  I'm not saying our weight defines us but all your experiences combine together to make you who you are.  So even once you've kicked obesity to the curb, it has left it's mark already.

That being said...something occurred to me yesterday.  I will never be 125 lbs.  Ever.  I am short, yes.  I SHOULD be 125 lbs.  I'm never gonna be and the reason I'm never going to be is because in order to hit that number, I would need to be 100% on every single day.  I honestly don't have that in me.  I hear awesomely successful people say things like, "I don't care that I'll never have ice cream again.  I don't care that I'll never eat pasta again.  I don't care that I'll never have french fries again.  None of that is worth it because I feel so much better now than when I had those things."  To them, I say good.  I think it's wonderful.  I do not have that in me.  I want to be able to have an ice cream cone once in awhile.  If I want a taco, then I'm going to have a freakin' taco.  I doubt I will ever be a person who works out HARD twice a day every day for the rest of my life.  Maybe I'll be the person who works out fairly rigorously once a day but two-a-days aren't gonna happen.

I don't care if that sounds pathetic to people who have "made it."  I don't care if it sounds like I'm not "committed to losing weight" or anything else.  It's the truth.  Some of us need to be honest about our journey and if I'm the only one who will, then fine.

I'm never going to weigh 125 lbs because I'm not willing to work hard enough to get there.  Here's the epiphany folks.  I'm OK with that.  For the last two weeks, I have eaten better than I have in MONTHS.  My body is thanking me for it by feeling BETTER than it has in months.  I'm not going to be a slave to that scale any more.  I will still weigh.  I will weigh because your weight is a symptom that you can track to see how you're doing but you already know how you're doing.  I knew I was doing terribly long before I stepped on the scale a couple weeks back.

I'm readjusting my ticker to a goal weigh of 140 because I THINK that's where I'd like to be.  I think it's attainable without being 100% perfect ALL THE TIME.  I hope I get there but if I don't and I'm happy then I've made it.  That's all it's about folks.  Be happy.  Be well.  Be able to LIVE the life you want to live.  If you're doing that, you've reached your goal.

Happy Thursday.  :)

Twofer Tuesday

Aren't y'all lucky to get another post from me today???  Well, I'm just so proud of myself, I had to let you know why.  I worked out already today...AT HOME.  Hubby has a sleep study tonight so scheduling was going to be tight so I sucked it up and used the treadmill we've had sitting in our house for the last 4 years.  I also used the hand weights and kettle bells.  Who am I???

I'll tell you who I am.  I'm BACK!!!  I was reading through old posts and I don't recognize that person talking.  That Panda was on the losing train.  That Panda was watching her portions, working out like a mad woman, saying NO to treats.  That Panda had her SHIT together!  And frankly, I miss her!!!

So it started with this.  Not letting anything get in the way of my workout today and by the time I was done, I was dripping with sweat and lord help me, I LOVED IT!

What did this workout look like?
3 minutes: Running (yes..RUNNING)
5 minutes: Sit ups and kettle bells
3 minutes: Running
5 minutes: Sit ups, more kettle bells
7 minutes: Walking at 7% incline
6 minutes: Push ups and hand weights
8 minutes: Walking at 8% incline.

That's 37 minutes of hard core, never stopping kind of working out.

Before that, I had lunch.  Spicy shrimp burger with hummus and red peppers on a small plate.  It looked like this:

I've got my filled scheduled for 8/8.  I can do this.  We can do this!  It's never too late to start over.  It's never too late to work the band!  At least I'm not starting over at 230.  Every day we are given the opportunity to make healthy choices with food and activity.  Let's get it done!

A Day of Random

I've got a whole bunch of random today so I'm thinking bullets.

• I've been rehydrating like crazy but the scale is stuck at 183.  Aunt Flo is back in town so maybe that's making a difference.  Aunt Flo hardly leaves town these days and doc doesn't know why so I digress.  
• I went to the gym yesterday and there was a guy there who looks just like Dr. Drew.  It was a little weird.
• Someone asked if I'm eating too much hummus and if that's why I'm stalled.  My opinion is no.  For instance, this is what I had for lunch yesterday.  That's about 6-7 shrimp and hummus on a small plate.

• I have thrown around the idea that I'm not eating enough.  I had this for lunch, a pot of coffee, and meatloaf with cauliflower mash for dinner.  Then I had an apple with peanut butter for an evening snack.  Sounds like enough to me.  I guess I'll have to cut out the peanut butter and see if that helps.  Cutting out coffee is not an option.
• I'm tired of the rain.  There I said.  It didn't take long for the desert dweller to get tired of it.  What's the point of living near the beach when it rains every day and you can't go?

My view from my front door yesterday.

• I got an interview for that job I posted for!  I have a panel interview tomorrow and then a second interview with the hiring manager next week!  Excited but also nervous...  Please send good thoughts my way tomorrow.
• If I don't get this job, I'm quitting...and I'm going out in style.  Fingers crossed that I don't have to.  It's nice having the extra money right now.
• Phoenix trip in a couple weeks!  Super excited!

That's all I got today folks.  It's only Tuesday...SIGH.

Weigh In 7-22-13: Really?!?!

Starting Over Weight: 182
Last Week: 179
This Week: 183.5
Change: +4.5

What the what?!?!?  First...I'm fairly certain given how I did this week that this is a mathematical impossibility.  I was spot on with my choices Mon-Fri.  Saturday brought a lot of alcohol and an single scoop ice cream cone.  Sunday brought a couple breakfast potatoes, a dinner roll and little fried cheese goodness (but not lots of it).  You cannot tell me that I went that batshit crazy!  I'd have to consumer an extra 15,750 calories to gain that!  It's impossible!  And I know it's impossible.  I know I'm retaining water because I'm dehydrated.  I know all of this and yet I still feel frustration.  I hate not seeing good work rewarded on the scale.  But here's what else I know.  I know I'm feeling better.  I know that when I do eat something fried, my body almost immediately rejects it.  It's remember how good it feels to eat healthy so wtf is the problem here?!?!?

Anyway, I shall not be deterred.  It's Monday and it's back to stricter eating and working out.  I know I'm doing the right things.  OK...OK...the drinking part not so much but there are going to be weekends like that.  The scale will catch up.  I just need to keep keeping on.  Today...it's coffee, grapefruit for breakfast, hummus and... I'm not sure yet for lunch, meatloaf with mashed cauliflower for breakfast.  Working out once Hubby's home.  I WILL not fail...regardless of what the scale says.  I FEEL better, healthier and that's what matters most.

My sentiments exactly...

Feeling Good

I nailed my workout last night.  I did a power walk with a 3% incline at 3.3 mph on the treadmill.  Then I went through all major muscle groups on the weights.  I was able to move the weight a little higher on a couple of them.  I'm feeling that I'm finally getting my groove back.  My food was spot on throughout the day so that always feels good too.

I'm about done with my job altogether.  If I don't get this position I posted for, then I'm just going to quit and look for something entirely different.  I just can't keep this up.

I'm thinking I'll knock off just a touch early today and kick off my weekend right.  We'll see how it goes.  No big plans for the weekend.  We're thinking Turbo on Saturday, going out with the neighbors Saturday night and then if the weather permits, the beach on Sunday.  Definitely ready for the weekend.  Since this was a quick hit post, I give you a Friday Funny and hope you have a great weekend!

TTT 7-18-13

I can't remember the last time I did a Ten Things Thursday.  Not sure if I have 10 things to write about today.  Let's give it a shot.

1.  I didn't work out yesterday.  It was a conscious decision with no excuse other than I was cramping so bad that I could barely sit upright so I didn't wanna.

2.  We went to the pool and floated around instead.  That was nice.  My food was also spot on so I'm good with it.

No...not our dogs...or pool for that matter

3.  The kids were butts to the babysitter yesterday so today is a day of punishment...cleaning, writing lines and generally having to do whatever I tell them to do.  SIGH.  I am so over the summer break thing.

4.  I haven't heard anything about the job I posted for.  It's been a week today.  Hmmmm...

Would kids today even know what he's staring at???

5.  I'm tired of hearing about Zimmerman and race relations in the U.S.  Seriously done with all of it.  This is why I give up news for months on end.  It's the same story rehashed over and over.

From now on, this is the only place I'll get my news.

6.  I have a trip to Phoenix planned for 8/7-8/14!  So excited to see everybody.  Any Phoenix ladies want to get together for a happy hour or something?  Who goes to Phoenix in August???  Crazy people who want cheap flights.

And apparently those who travel by camel...

7.  I think we may take the girls to see "Turbo" this weekend.  My oldest really wants to see it and it does look kind of cute.  I love that my kids are finally old enough for family movies and not just the animated ones.  Hubby and I used to be big movie people back in the day...just something we've always enjoyed.  It's nice that we can do it as a family now.

8.  Yes I will eat popcorn at the movie theater.  I just love movie theater popcorn!  I've wanted popcorn for the last two weeks and haven't made any at home because I know I'd rather save it up and have it at the theater instead.  I will, however, forgo the Coke Icee.

9.  I made a fill appointment for when I'm in Phoenix in August!  I haven't seen my lapband doc since November.  I don't have one out here yet and honestly don't know that I want to mess with finding one.  Hubby's working on it for him though.  I know I need a fill but I always feel so weird about asking for one.  Three years - still feel weird.

10.  Ten things.  It's that easy folks.  Hope y'all have an awesome Thursday!  Only one more day to go....

Mexican Food and Flying Sweat

I went out yesterday for Mexican food.  I shan't be doing that again any time soon.  I got a taco salad and while I didn't eat the shell of the salad but I did eat some chips.  I also had 2 margaritas.  I'm alright with the choices I made except for the ridiculous stomach ache that came after that.  I started feeling gassy right when I got home and felt miserable up through dinner.

Despite feeling like literal crap, I went to the gym.  All ellipticals were taken so I grabbed a treadmill, plugged in and started walking away to "That 70's Show." (GREAT cardio time killer btw).  The guy next to me is going to town running...and working up quite a sweat.  The lady next to me is power walking like I am and watching "Law & Order." (Yes...I'm nosy like that).  Halfway through my walk, I look down and see drops of water on side of my treadmill.  I checked my water bottle to see if it was sweating with this Florida humidity we get but no.  Then I realize that the running guy is literally flinging sweat everywhere!  Then the second realization hits me that if that sweat is landing on my treadmill then it's also landing on me!  EEEEWWWWW!

To add insult to injury, I get over the disgust involving the sweat and I'm a good 25 minutes in to the walk...about ready to finish up when the smell comes.  Someone (I can't confirm it's the guy next to me but I wouldn't put it past him) lets a fart rip.  While I couldn't hear it, I could SMELL it and it LINGERED.  SO FREAKIN' GROSS!

I got in a great workout yesterday between the 30 minute power walk (not up to running again yet) and 30 minutes of weight training.  My arms are sore today but a good sore.  :)  My stomach felt better by the time I left too.  I went home and we got dinner ready.  Steak kabobs, dippables and deviled eggs.  What are dippables?  Blasphemy!  Only my favorite side dish of all time!  It's just raw veggies with Ranch but we had to give it a fun name for the girls.  We have this probably 4/7 nights in our house.  Steamed veggies just don't sound as good in the winter and my kids love it too.

Last night was cucumbers, orange peppers, tomatoes and carrots!

Tonight, it's steak and eggs because we had steak left over.  It's all good eating here folks...outside of the mexican food which is totally lesson learned.  As Hubby said last night, "Comfortable shoes and regularity are all you need to be happy."

This morning started with a trip to the gyno for an endometrial biopsy.  I had this done before my ablation and it was uncomfortable but no big deal.  Not this time!  So painful!!  I'm crampy and feeling miserable now but stuck at work.  OK...so I work from home but still...would rather be napping...

Happy Hump Day y'all!

Really? You miss me?

Sorry so blurry...don't know why it did that...but that's Lane Bryant telling me how much they miss me and they want me to come back.  To them, I say

NEVER!

Weigh In 7-15-13

Last week: 182
This week: 179
Change: -3

Wahoo!  Finally...a little bit of progress.  I wasn't perfect last week by any means.  I only worked out 3 days instead of 5, I had 2 Starbucks, onion rings and a donut over the weekend.  But the Starbucks were sugar free and the donut was...well, there's no excuse for the donut.  To still lose should give you an outstanding look of how badly I HAD been doing.  Do not let perfection get in the way of really good.  I'm not about to let it.

This week's goals...work out 5 days a week, limit to just 1 Starbucks and no donuts.  I feel good about that plan.  We loaded up on a fresh meat and produce to keep cooking at home this week and I'm looking forward to it.  It all sounds tasty and my body is craving that nutritious stuff right now.  I bought more hummus for lunches.  I must be on some kind of hummus kick.  There's not a lot of protein in it but there are definitely worse things to have so I'm going with it.

Boss is on vacation this week so I'm hoping it's pretty quiet.  I have doctor appointments today and Wednesday to have some tests done to ensure everything is OK with my lady parts.  We'll most likely be scheduling a surgery for a partial hysterectomy at this time too.  I'm aiming for the first week of September but we'll see.

Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and is ready to face the week ahead!

To help you, I've provided a long overdue Monday DEMotivator:

Do Something About It

I'm a big believer that if you don't like something, don't bitch about it unless you're willing to do something about it.

I didn't work out yesterday.  I didn't work out because I was logged on late updating my resume and applying for a job.  It's with the same company but different group.  After I finished applying I decided to go for a bike ride to at least get some activity in.  About a mile in, the skies opened up and I got soaked.   I rode home.  I probably only rode 2 miles but with wind and rain, it felt like a work out.  Good enough.

We cannot sit back and be observers in our own lives.

You hate your job?  Do something else.

You hate your body?  Eat right.  Exercise.  Even if it's one small change at a time, you can do it.

Your family sucks?  Don't engage with them.  There is no law that says you have to love your family or deal with their array of BS.  If someone is a stressor in your life, get rid of them.  That may sound harsh but life is way too short to worry yourself about people who just aren't worth the time.  Surround yourself with positivity and that includes positive people.

You're lonely?  Join a group, a book club, a local political group.  I'm still working on this one but there's something I've figured out.  Generally, if you open yourself up, people will come to you.  People are yearning for companionship...to feel connected to other people.  Every now and then, I sit out in my driveway.  Within an hour, I've got neighbors pulling up their own chairs to visit.  Am I outgoing?  Hell no!  But it doesn't matter.  Just being there is enough for people.  People miss block parties and outdoor barbecues.  People my husband's age YEARN for those days when neighbors would gather on the weekends in the summer and just hang out while the kids ran around way past bedtime in the dark.  If you open yourself up to good things, good things will happen.  If you lock yourself away, that's a choice you're making for yourself.

Have I gotten this job?  Nope.  Have I lost the weight I've gained?  Nope.  Do I have a slew of friends to hang out with here?  Not even close.  But I'm working on it.  Are you?

And with that..a Friday Funny...

Day 3 - Check

Day 3 was a good one.  I stuck to my food plan and went to the gym.  A slightly lackluster performance at the gym as I was WAY sore.  The elliptical faces the window that looks out over the pool.  So while I was ellipticalling away, I got to watch my girls play with Hubby at the pool.  That made time go by faster.  Once my workout was done, I went down and joined them.  Hubby hit on something last night that is so true.  Monotony sucks.

Going to work, coming home, making dinner, finishing up some chores.  Every day it's the same thing. Work, home, dinner, chores...work, home, dinner, chores.  And that's all well and good if you like your job.  If you don't, it's freakin' miserable!  It makes you feel trapped and depressed, thinking "This is my life.  This is all there is to it."  Just adding the couple hours at the pool last night gave a whole new outlook to the day.  Enjoying my kids and husband instead of cleaning up after them makes a world of difference.

This summer has been difficult.  The kids are home and so am I.  It's the first summer I've spent with my kids where they weren't in daycare.  We didn't put them in camp because we have enough going on with family visits and trips that it would be a waste but we have off weeks like this one where it gets to me.  While I think I'd like it if I could be hitting the pool every day or taking them to the beach or to the movies or doing something with them, that's not reality.  I have to work.  My job isn't one that I can just be "on call" for.  I have conference calls all the time.  Today I have 9 calls to be on.  It's boring for them to be home all day and it drives me a little crazy...working, refereeing their fights, making them breakfast, lunch and snacks in between the work stuff.  This week, I log off at 5 and hit the gym and then it's home for dinner and maybe an hour or 2 of family time before bed.  It's exhausting.  This "having it all" thing isn't really what it's cracked up to be.  But for a couple hours last night, it was good.  It was peaceful, fun and all about me and my family with no distractions.  Today is another long day...but we'll make it and I won't kill them.  I may lock them in their rooms but they have lots of stuff to do in there.  LOL.  We'll make it and tomorrow maybe another trip to the pool...because that just felt awesome.

Completely off subject but thought this was an awesome idea for you more strategic drinkers out there...

Day 2 - Done

I went to the gym again yesterday.  I was feeling sore but I know that the soreness will eventually go away.  I'm going again today.   The girls and Hubby are hitting the pool while I work out and then I soak my weary bones after.  It's so hard getting back into the swing of things.

Eating went well yesterday also.  Hubby made chimichurri chicken on the grill and it was SO yummy!  I ate the rest of it with a little hummus for lunch.  I'm doing this one day at a time but I'm not giving up.

First Time At The Gym

In 8 Months. But we'll get back to that.

****WARNING:  This will be a whiny, annoying, self pitying and downer kind of post.  If anyone still reads this blog, feel free to skip this and come back in a few months when I might post again since I apparently can't stick with it for any amount of time anymore. ***************

I need to vent.  It's not all weight loss related so it's going to seem rather random.  So here goes...bullet style.

• I'm fat....again.  I'm back up to 182.  I did the pouch test and lost like 8 lbs.  I went to San Francisco and have been eating like crap ever since and am back up to 182.  I am heavier than I have been in 2 years.
• Worst fears feel like they're being realized.  We all worry that we're the ones the lapband won't work for...that even if we lose the weight, we'll gain it back.  I'm gaining it back and it scares me to death.
• For the first time in 2 years, I almost didn't want to go out for a night on the town because I felt fat in everything I put on.  I LOOKED fat in everything I put on.  Emotional breakdown in the closet.  Maybe I had forgotten what that felt like?
• My size 12's are tight and not looking good.  I can zip them up and can squeeze into the shirts but I'm back to baggy stuff I wore at the beginning of all this.  I understand that was still 50 lbs ago but the psyche is jacked up.
• Hubby and I have been having problems.  We were in marriage counselling for a couple months but it didn't seem that beneficial.  We still have stuff to work on.  Things are better and none of our issues were that big but it still weighs on me.
• My job SUCKS big fat donkey balls.  My stupid boss has become even dumber and has thrown me under the bus creating a not so great work life.  Do I love working from home?  Yes.  Is the money good?  Yes.  But at what point does it become a quality of life issue?
• I'm lonely.  I love Florida and where we live now but I have no friends and work from home.  Introverted by nature, it's tough to meet people in crowded circumstances.  Right now I've got the perfect recipe for becoming a hermit and a hoarder.  Watch closely...you may see me on A&E.
• Feminine issue has reared its ugly head again.  Aunt Flo decided to come for a visit and stick around for 3 1/2 weeks.  I went to the doc and it looks like a partial hysterectomy is my future.  Fun.

There.  I feel better.  It's not all bad.  Gotta turn this around so some positive bullets.

• I've started back at the gym...for the first time in 8 months.  The community we moved into has a free exercise room type thing at the pool.  It's not great and I don't love it.  But it'll work in getting back into a groove.  Day 1 down and I am freakin' sore.  I don't like starting over but starting over I am.  I go back tonight.
• Yesterday was also Day 1 of paleo eating.  It felt good to eat real food again.
• I'm looking into maybe getting a real estate license.  It's completely different from anything I've ever done before and for some reason, I think it might be something I'm good at.  Luckily, Hubby's job has provided some flexibility.
• The only good thing about a hysterectomy is time off work.  Maybe an extended break is all I really need.
• Hubby's job is going really well.  He's gotten a promotion already!  We actually have a savings account and we actually put money into it!
• We bought our first ever new car.  I got a brand new 2013 Jeep Wrangler and I LURV IT!!!
• Overall, we've carved out a nice little life for ourselves so some pictures to prove it...in no particular order.

Birthday gifts from Hubby.  The paper on the bottom is a kayaking tour!

Gifts from AZ ladies I worked with.  So sweet!

Me and my new baby!

My oldest turned 8 and decided since we live in FL she wanted an alligator cake.  Mmmmkay...

Big girl also got her ears pierced.

Night out at St. Augustine for my birthday.

Hubby, Me and my new bff out here.  She lives next door.  Convenient, no?

Part of Maddie's birthday was a dolphin tour.

Pouch Test - Day 4

I graduated to firm protein yesterday yet found myself pretty much sticking to mushies since that's what I have laying around.  So I had 1/2 cup of cottage cheese for breakfast, 1/2 cup of tuna salad for lunch, 1/2 a small strawberry shake from sonic (I know, I know but it was SO good and I only drank half...not bad) and then about 1 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes with sirloin beef stew on top.  Dinner made me overly full - must remember to measure BEFORE I eat.

Borrowed pic from yesterday but it was identical - same plate and everything

Today - breakfast started with a 1 cup helping of the mashed potatoes and stew.  Lunch will be deviled eggs, and Italian meatballs for dinner.

I think this week has been a success.  We're starting paleo tomorrow.  I am of the 80/20 belief so aiming for being paleo 80% of the total time of my life.  LOL.  Honestly...looking forward to a salad or something crunchy.  I'm really hopeful that I see a significant loss on the scale on Monday.  We'll see.  No big plans for the weekend.  Going to San Francisco for work on Monday so just spending family time this weekend.  Hope y'all stateside enjoy your Memorial Day.

Friday Funny:

Pouch Test - Day 3

We moved on to Day 3 of the pouch test yesterday.  I had 1/2 cup of cottage cheese for breakfast.  1/2 c of refried beans with 2 tablespoons of cheese for lunch and repeated that again as a snack.  I ate every 2 1/2 hours.  So not too shabby.  For dinner (which I forgot to take a pic of...sorry), we had scrambled eggs with cheese and a spoonful each of cottage cheese and beans....probably about a cup of food total.  And, of course, a whole lot of coffee.  :)

So how's my pouch feeling?  Not bad.  I didn't feel full after the 1/2 cup of food.  I didn't even feel full after the full cup at dinner.  However, as Hubby reminded me, my band has never made me feel full unless I've eaten too much.  After 1/2 cup, I was satisfied for 2 1/2 hours (these are mushies so I feel pretty good about that).  I DO think I need a fill but we'll wait until July for that.  Until then, I'll continue to measure out my portions until I get back to a really good place with how I'm eating.

The menu for today - cottage cheese, tuna salad and sirloin chunky soup with mashed potatoes (mostly just because it's a family favorite) or shepherd's pie.  I can have firm protein today but kind of sticking to mushies because I've got so much of it in the house.

I promised a mental state of the union post and you will get it....could this be a 2 post Thursday?  Maybe...if you're lucky.  :)