Progress

Thursday, December 29, 2011

2 Post Thursday

2 posts in one day?!?!  From me?!?!  Impossible!!!

Well, believe it Candyland players....because I've been spending a good bit of today reading back through my old posts.  I just picked a few dates and started reading from there.  And I noticed a couple things:

  • I use bullets a lot.
  • I'm long winded.  Seriously...how can you people follow someone who rambles on and on and on about virtually nothing?
  • I have seriously lost sight of where I started, how far I've come and how motivated I used to be.
Obviously, I'm going to harp on that third bullet.  My early banding posts were so focused, so driven, so... positive.  I knew - KNEW- that even if I was having an off week or whatever that I was going to do what needed to be done to get back on track and back to do what I knew I had to do.  And something has happened.  I've become complacent.

Reading through those posts, I remembered how driven I was and how motivated.  I can see that I have struggled with exercise through out this entire journey and am constantly struggling to be more active.  I saw how I set lofty athletic goals and then worked diligently, sometimes for MONTHS, to obtain them.  So what the hell happened to that person!??!!?  Life.  That's what.  It is impossible to stay so myopic about something all the time, day in and day out, year after year.  Well, folks.  Not for me.  Not for you.  Not for any of us.  This losing weight thing we've all embarked on...this was a long haul prospect.  Your health is with you FOREVER.  This was about obtaining a better quality of life.  Have I obtained that yet?  Yes and no.  Some things are way better but I've still got a LONG way to go.  And I'm not going to stop until I get there.  Starting right now...I'm back on the positivity wagon, I'm back on an active wagon and I'm back on the road to success.  In the words of Jerry Maguire, WHO'S COMING WITH ME?

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Shopping and Fill

So I did some shopping yesterday.  My incredibly awesome mom gave me mucho dinero to buy clothes with.  This was her Christmas gift to me.  No, it's not "What Not To Wear" new wardrobe kind of  money but it was very generous.  Now I could think of a dozen other things to do with this money.  In the past, monetary gifts have gone towards bills, stuff for the kids, car repairs I had been putting off, etc.  This year, I committed to ME and spending it on ME. So I did.  I bought 4 new pairs of pants for work, a few shirts, 2 new camis and a sweater.  I was going to buy the first dress I've bought in a long time but instead bought a new pair of jeans.  I wasn't looking for jeans but had to buy them because of what the jeans SAID.

Uh huh.  Vera Wang Size 12 ULTRA SKINNY!

And me in the jeans....kinda blurry. sorry.
All the pants were a size 12 but I did squeeze into a size 10 and was able to zip them up but they weren't flattering.  I spent all of the money and I don't feel guilty about it...not one bit.  OK...maybe a little guilty, especially since I'm hoping they're transitional clothes but I was feeling pretty frumpy in my current stuff.


I also got a fill yesterday.  Last one of the year and last one where I only have to pay a copay.  I really hope I don't need another one any time soon...our "fill budget" will be completely taken up by Hubby's stuff this year, I think.  Anywhoozle...I weighed in on the doc's scale at 160.5 lbs.  Their scale always runs a lb or two heavier than mine (and I'm fully dressed on theirs as opposed to when I weigh in at home) so I'm actually not too upset about this.  It was only a 1 lb loss from my last fill though.  I could tell the doc was hesitant to give me another one as we both agree some poor choices are the main problem but he caved and gave me a small fill anyway.  I also found out that we'll save more money by going to self pay once my insurance changes over at the beginning of the year.  The office visits aren't as expensive as I thought they would be that way so I was relieved to get that straightened out yesterday as well.  So far, so good with this fill.  I'm hoping this jump starts some weight loss for me.

So what else might jump start my weight loss?  Perhaps the 5k I've decided to run in January.  That color run I've been talking about?  I'm doing it.  I start training Monday..got a 4 week program figured out so that should definitely help shed some pounds also.  I finished my last 5k in 40:35.  We're going to see if we can beat that.  I may have someone running with me and it's just a fun run/walk, not a race so we'll see.  Not gonna stress over it.  The main thing is to run the whole thing.

So that was my Hump Day happy place...a little shopping, a little fill... all good stuff. I'm taking tomorrow off so I'm happy it's my Friday.  Preview of what's up next on Panda's blog:  New Year goals and my "word" for the year.  Hope y'all have a great weekend and a fantastic New Year!

It Was Nice...

Just a low key family Christmas.  We went to my parents' house Christmas Eve (pics to come) and had a turkey dinner,opened presents and then had snacks.  I did OK on the cookie front this year but those chocolate covered pretzels and peanuts did me in.  *sigh*  Oh well.  Christmas day was spent with Hubby and the kids basking in the present afterglow.  We spent about an hour at my parents' house so we could see my grandmother who is 91 this year.  We figure there can't be many Christmases left with her and I think it meant a lot to her that we came by.  I also indulged in my Oreo Surprise which is only the yummiest and simplest dessert on the planet!

Present of the Year...snapped a quick picture of it with my phone.  Hubby had my tag from my first 5k that I ran in March framed along with a couple pics of the event.  Isn't he so sweet?!?!?!

Back at work today and then I have tomorrow off.  Still working on my goals for 2012...figure I'll be ready to start tackling them by Monday.  Hubby and I spent yesterday evening with some friends and we were talking about how sick of holiday food we are.  His friend said it best I think when he said "It's like all I've been eating since Thanksgiving is butter and gravy."  That's exactly how I feel!  I don't think I could handle one more heavy meal right now.  Definitely looking forward to getting back on the "light" and healthy wagon.

Hope y'all are having a good week!  I'll be checking in on Thursday.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

And so it's Christmas Eve Eve.  And yet, the spirit still eludes me.  I'm trying not to let it bring me down but it's kind of hard.  Christmas is usually my favorite time of year.  I love the lights, the decorations, the cookies...all of it!  But this year has passed me by.  I haven't even watched Christmas Vacation or Scrooged or the Grinch!  I don't know if it's because it's been a particularly busy holiday season with my procedure, hubby's surgery, the new job and just having so much more to do as an adult... I feel like a Scrooge and am just ready for it to be over.  This is new for me and I don't like it one bit.  I still have a couple more days...perhaps as you grow older, you can just become more cynical about the holidays.  I don't know.  But enough of this because I do love Christmas and it's still a time for celebration.

I'm working on goals for next year.  They're not all health related (if you go back and read previous ones, they never are).  I think it's easy to get myopic about this weight loss thing and forget that being a well rounded person is more important.

I'm at work today...one of apparently the very few.  Over half of my office is gone so it's going to be a very long and very boring day.  I've already read all the blogs from yesterday and I've only been here 30 minutes.  *sigh*


I know everyone has a different reason to celebrate this time of year and I don't usually get all religious on anybody because I've been experiencing my own crisis of faith the last couple years but in the true spirit of the season, I offer up a quick request that God bless all of you who have been so supportive throughout this year during this holiday season and keep you safe throughout your travels.


Alrighty...well, I guess that's it.  I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!  Drink lots of eggnog, leave cookies out for Santa and don't stress about your weigh in Monday morning.  Christmas calories don't count!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ten Thing Thursday 12.22.11

I think it's Ten Thing Thursday, right?  or is that on Tuesdays?  Whatever...I'm gonna think of 10 things to tell you about today so we'll just go with it.

  1. Saw "The Muppets" with my kids yesterday.  Seriously, if you're any kind of Muppet fan at all, you'll love this movie.  It's just too cute.  My kids loved it but they're Muppet kids...my hubby is a fan from way back so we had all the movies before my kids were ever born.  Some kids might not get it or like it because the Muppets are mainstream anymore but we had a good time.  It was also the first time all 4 of us went to a movie together so it was a lot of fun.
  2. Fell down my stairs yesterday too.  Not head over ass falling down my stairs...more like sliding but it hurt.  And my left side and back hurt today.  Not good.
  3. Got almost ALL of my wrapping done yesterday.  Kiddos went to my mom's to bake cookies so I got to wrap all the Santa gifts.  I have one more gift for my oldest to get (not sure what it is yet) and one for my hubby but it'll be so nice not wrapping gifts the night of Christmas Eve paranoid that the kids will come downstairs and have Santa ruined for them (ala the last 5 years).
  4. My sister and niece are coming for a visit in January.  Happens to fall on the same weekend as the Color Run.  I'm trying to talk my sister into doing it with me.  We'll see.
  5. Many of you have inquired on how Hubby's doing (so nice of you!).  He's doing good.  Incision is healing and he's in a little less pain every day.  He's struggling with the unfill but trying to watch his portions and not eat more just because he can.  While he didn't have great restriction before, I think he appreciates that the band was doing SOMETHING just not all it could do.  Hopefully we'll get him to a good restriction level soon.  He has a fill to take him to hopefully at least half way to where he was the last week of the year.
  6. Insurance sucks.  So I've complained about my insurance changing at the beginning of the year and how that's going to suck.  Well, my current insurance is no fantastic thing now.  Apparently, my referral to my lapband doc expired (HMO's - gotta love 'em) so I had to get a new one from my pcp.  Fine.  I've had to do this before.  No big deal, right?  Uh huh.  My pcp has changed (guy sold his practice) and they wanted me to see the new guy before they'd give me my referral.  So I went in yesterday and saw the PA..not even the doctor...to get my referral.  How idiotic is this?  All to get a referral to see a doctor I've been seeing since 2009?!?!?  Unreal.
  7. I learned I'm a little defensive about my band.  The PA I saw yesterday was asking all these questions about the band, "What can you eat?", "How much have you lost?", "So you don't regret having it done?", etc.  In my head I was like "Don't you dare judge me lady!"  But I'm answering her questions honestly about everything and at the end, she said her dad really needs to do something about his weight and she thinks a surgical option might be a good way to go.  She was just asking all those questions because she honestly just didn't know the answers.  Note to self:  don't jump to conclusions.
  8. I got my haircut yesterday (I didn't realize how busy I was yesterday until I started writing this post).  It's cute.  It feels a lot better as I got rid of a lot of unhealthy hair in the cut.  I'll post pic as soon as I get one but the lady at the salon annoyed me because as she's shampooing, she asked if I color my own hair or have it professionally done.  She knows this answer to this...she's a professional for god's sake.  Then she goes off on a long tangent about the damage of doing all over color on your hair, blah, blah, blah.  It's like when the dental hygienist asks you if you floss.  You know she already knows and is just using this question as a way to give you a lecture about why you should.  Just cut my hair, lady.
  9. Sometimes I wonder when you leave a stylist a tip through the credit card, do they really get it or is just going into some big jar for everyone or does the owner just steal it and now this stylist doesn't think I tipped her?  I never have cash on me so I always just add a tip to my bill when I run my card, but I got to thinking yesterday...how do I know she gets it?
  10. I've been eating out too much.  I'm hoping once the girls are back in school and Hubby and I get back to a routine that we'll get back to meal planning and all that.  I'm craving a salad...you know you're not eating well when you start to crave a salad.  And then this morning, woke up a little late so didn't have time to put together my lunch.  Ugh.  Must do better with this.
So there ya go.  10 things for Thursday morning.  I'm sure you're all thrilled.  

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Recipe Exchange

Just a heads up...I know some of you have got some great recipes...so be on the lookout from me about a recipe exchange I'm particpating in.  I know these are usually limited to people we know in "real" life but I think it's a really good opportunity to get some good recipes even from people you don't really "know."  And if any of you should get some really good ones, we can post them on our blogs so even more people can enjoy them.  Just a thought...Shouldn't take more than a few minutes and I won't be offended if you don't participate.  Have a great Tuesday!

Monday, December 19, 2011

New Mindset?

So JRD at Canuck Bandit Musings got me thinking about changing mindsets and the band.  She's 5 months into banding and you can read her post from the link about how she feels she's mentally changing.  I was about to hijack her post by leaving a ridiculously long comment about my own musings on this but decided to just post it out in my own space as not to hog hers.  So...have I made the necessary mental changes in the last 16 months?  Yes... and... No.

Yes - Despite feeling like a failure the last couple months as I hover around 160, I finally reminded myself that I'm hovering around 160!!!  Seriously...since when has hovering around 160 been a bad thing in this fatty's life?  I was hovering around 230 for YEARS before I got the band.  Why is 160 suddenly a reason to think of myself as a failure?  Some things had to have mentally changed for me to not be gaining.  To be maintaining at a weight 70 lbs below my highest that I had maintained for at least 2 years is definitely something to be celebrated.  Sure...the band is definitely there doing what it's supposed to do but we all know that it's surprisingly easy to eat around that piece of plastic...eat sliders, graze all day, etc.  Perhaps some of these changes have become such habit (not snacking throughout the day on a bunch of crap, avoiding the candy bowl at work, etc) that I don't even think about them anymore.  Isn't that the definition of an actual mental change?  Not just noticing that I'm not doing these things but not even noticing it at all.  I'm not sure if that last part made sense but it's dawning on me that some of the good habits are becoming just that...HABITS.  Only having a couple sodas a month as opposed to 1 or 2 every day.  That's a habit...I don't even think about it anymore.  What I DO notice is when I revert...when I DO have a couple sodas in just one weekend, I feel blech about it...not guilty that I had done it but I can actually FEEL the effect that having those extra calories and sugar had on my body...the old me wouldn't have noticed that...just would've noticed that I strayed from plan and chastise myself for it.  I'd feel GUILT in my head...but not the blah feeling in my BODY.  It's a subtle difference but it's there.  Am I perfect?  God no!  But that's OK because I don't feel like I have to be in order to reach my goals...and I still feel like I will...regardless of how long I've been where I'm at.

No - Exercise is still one of those things.  For a year, I did great.  I was working out, using my gym membership (which I allowed to lapse due to financial stuff), running, setting physical goals for myself and then actually attaining them.  Yet...it never became HABIT.  Not like ordering water or iced tea at a restaurant instead of soda.  It still took a lot of mental effort to get my butt to that gym every day.  The fat girl in me would just prefer laying around and doing absolutely nothing than get up and go for a run.  And the second my life started getting the way of the activity, I used it as an excuse to let it slide.  I think this will be my focus in the new year.  Figuring out what it's going to take to make this a habit.  I still want to reward myself with food and I still want to turn to food when I'm upset, sad, angry, hurt or even happy.  I want to celebrate with it (just a lot less of it).  So that's something else to work on.  I haven't honestly put forth the mental effort of answering the question "Why do I eat?"

So those are my thoughts on mental changes.  Do I think that I could've made these changes without the band?  No.  Do I think if my band were taken out tomorrow that I could maintain these losses?  Truthfully, no.  That's my biggest fear.  So for all my mental accomplishments...I know I'm not doing this alone.  I know I still have a lot to learn and a lot to do before I could even contemplate life without my helper.  I also think it's something I'll always struggle with and have to think about and THAT'S OK.  At least I'll be able to do it in a current size 12 or hopefully smaller.

So my question to you...
Have YOU made the mental changes necessary for long term success?

Weigh In 12.19.11

160.  OK...So no real movement in weeks.  How I've been eating and NOT moving...I'm actually grateful not to see a gain.  My eating has seriously been TERRIBLE (in quality...not quantity)...DQ's candy cane chill has been making far too frequent appearances.  Exercise or any real activity has been nonexistent.  I could blame it on the silly season but I think I'm using that as an excuse to not care.  Soooo... what to do about this...eh...why not set a goal?  My sister and niece are coming out for a visit on January 25th.  My goal is to be 155 by their visit.  That's 5 lbs in just as many weeks.  SHOULD be very do-able.  This will also put me at 75 lbs down which is a nice milestone-y type number.  Here it is...in writing.  I'm so sick of putting these goals out there and then having to report that I'm not hitting it.

Thank you all for the concern for my friend.  She did not go to the ER or see a doc about what happened and I'm pretty upset about that.  I think something is wacky with her blood sugar but what do I know right?  I just hope it doesn't happen again.

Weekend was good but fairly uneventful.  We went to an engagement party on Friday night.  I had 2 martinis and was drunk.  It was just crazy.  Since losing all this weight (and I guess since I'm not able to eat much WHILE I drink), I've become a serious lightweight.  Who would've thought?  But it was fun and not so drunk as to have a hangover the next day so I guess all was well.

Does anyone else think that everyone should just get the last 2 weeks of the year off if you don't provide some sort of necessary service.  Like...OK...people need groceries and medicines and even car repair.  But seriously...no one is going to be that put out if I'm not here the next two weeks.  Half my office is gone this week...the other half is gone next week yet here I am...plugging away...blogging working diligently...ahem.  Oh well.  Tis life.

So I was done with my Christmas shopping.  D-U-N.  DONE...when my kids decided to finally make their lists to Santa.  So now I've got one exchange to make and a few new things to go get.  Doh!  Gotta make those lists earlier in the season!  Lesson learned.

And you Monday DEMotivator:

Friday, December 16, 2011

Eventful Evening

So last night I had dinner with my BFF.  We exchanged Christmas presents (she gave me a 60 minutes massage and a 60 minute facial...isn't that super sweet?!?!?), had dinner, had a drink and were just catching up on life's events after we ate when she looked at me, said "I'm not feeling well right now", lost all the color in her face and just passed out.  I mean...seriously...turned ghost white, and just started toppling over!  Luckily I jumped over and was able to catch her before she fell out of the booth and on to the floor (another reason to get skinnier - you can hop out of booths faster).  I told one of the servers to call 911.  She came to after about a minute.  The paramedics came, took all her vitals and blood sugar and what not.  About an hour later, she was doing better, although still nauseous and her blood pressure was still kinda wacky.  She refused the ambulance but they recommended she get to the ER to get checked out last night.  Her hubby came and got her and I was assured that she would be taken to the ER (even though I know she wasn't keen on going).  I hope everything is OK.  Waiting to hear something this morning as far as if they found anything.  She's been exhausted with work lately so maybe she just needs a good rest.  Very scary though!

In other news, I worked from 5:30 a.m. to 4 pm yesterday.  That is a long freakin' day when you've had 5 days off.  This new job is going to be crazy and it's going to mean longer hours sometimes.  I'm OK with that... I'm not afraid of working.  And the raise they gave me definitely helps me stay motivated to do it.  I just hope I find my way through this new position sooner rather than later.  I still feel like I kind of don't know what I'm doing.

Otherwise things are pretty good.  I'm ALMOST done with my Christmas shopping...just a few other things to pick up.  I think I can get that done this weekend and be good to go.  I skipped my weigh in on Monday...not really on purpose...just wasn't in my normal routine.  It's going to be scary Monday as I haven't drank ANY water and keep snacking on everything in sight.  One of these days, you'd think I'd get remotivated and recommitted.  We've all heard this before, right?

So now for your Friday Funny...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Catchup Post - Long

So I've been MIA the last few days..mostly because I was off of work and I tend not to use the internet at home.  To make up for it, I've brought pictures for my week in review.

So I told you we went to Zoo Lights on Thursday...here are some pics of my girls with the friends we went with.
My girls are the two on the left

Lori on the right

Maddie on the right
Friday we went to Moo-ey Christmas.  The girls had a lot of fun and it was kind of neat to feel like you're in the country or something.  These darn city folks'll pay for anything...even just to see some cows on a dairy farm!  LOL!
My girls on the hayride

Yes...it was like 50 degrees out but what can I say?  We're in AZ!  It felt cold!

She's ready to move to the farm!

Yes...the sweatshirt is 1 or 2 sizes too big but whatevs.

She held this chicken for like 2 seconds!  Can't believe we caught a pic of it!

They want a john deere for Christmas :)
Saturday and Sunday are a blur.  We did some shopping, we bought a Christmas tree (which I haven't taken a  picture of).  We decorated said tree.  Hubby had his port surgery on Tuesday.  Surgery went well but they ended up overfilling him during the surgery.  The stupid nurses in recovery apparently couldn't tell the difference between "stuck" and "nauseous" so they sent him home without him being able to keep liquids down.  After an hour or so at home and everything he drank coming back up, it was BACK to the doctor's office for an unfill.  We didn't get to see the doc because he was in surgery all day so his assistant did it.  After going back and forth a few times, they ended up taking ALL of the fluid out of the band so he's literally stuck at square one.  He's beyond frustrated with the whole thing.  He hasn't lost ANY weight since being banded and feels that it's been a giant waste of time and resources.  I can't blame him for feeling this way.  i just wanted to offer this story up as an example of when band life isn't rosy.  I still believe once he can actually have good restriction and get the band working for him that it WILL work for him and he'll lose weight.  But until then, it's beyond frustrating.  Once we were back home and picked the girls up from school, we had dinner and then relaxed in front of the fire...a perfect fire if you will that yours truly built all by herself.  There's a lot I don't like about our new townhouse we're renting but it's the first time we've had a fireplace.  This made the rest of the day not seem so bad...
My perfect fire
Wednesday was spent recuperating.  I got all my laundry washed, folded and put away so it was good.  I'm back at work today and it was REALLY tough waking up this morning.  Ugh.  I have back to back meetings and should really be doing that instead of blogging and this has probably rambled on enough so I'll wrap it up soon.

I did have a NSV I meant to report last week but forgot.  The morning of my procedure I realized that I don't own a pair of granny panties anymore.  At first, I was like...nice!  Then I realized that I HAD to have a couple pairs to get through a couple weeks after this procedure.  So on my lunch break I ran to the pharmacy to see if they sold them.  They did.  Here's the NSV.  The only concern I had was that the pharmacy wouldn't sell them at all...not that I wouldn't be able to find a pair that fit me.  The second NSV came when I put them on.  They were too big and they weren't even the biggest ones you could buy.  So now I have 3 pairs of way too big granny panties at home just in case I ever need them again. LOL.  I'll probably throw them out and it's a weird NSV to have but I'll take what I can get.

Has the Christmas spirit found me?  Yes and no.  Putting the tree up almost got me there but the surgery stuff knocked it back a couple notches.  Doing better with it though.  Happy Thursday everyone!


Friday, December 9, 2011

It Didn't Work

Zoo Lights, I mean.  I'm still not in the Christmas mood.  The group we ended up going with was bigger than I thought and the event itself was WAY busier than I thought it would be and I was so busy wrangling kids and making sure we didn't lose anyone that I didn't really enjoy it.  Sigh.  I've decided to take the "Fake it til you make it" approach.  I'll do all my normal holiday stuff and maybe the spirit will find me.  If not, well that's just the way it is I guess.

On the agenda tonight, we have "Mooey Christmas!"  I finally googled it to figure out what it is.  Basically, it's a little farm in the middle of a town that offers hayrides, Santa, snow, smores and a pancake breakfast dinner.  Sounds like fun.  The girls will like it.

As promised...I have pictures today...
My pretty princess birthday girl

Us at the Desert Botanical Gardens
Aren't we just adorable?  And of course, I leave with a Friday Funny....


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Not A Good Start

I'm not doing as well this morning.


******TMI Warning****
So since my procedure I've been really constipated.  Not one bowel movement since Monday.  So last night, I decide it's time to tackle the beast.  It seriously took an hour in the bathroom, straining in order to get anything happening.  Finally did.  Huge sweeping relief overcame me.  Got up twice more throughout the night to continue to "work at it."  Eewwww.  Anyway...cut to this morning.

I feel achy, crampy and I'm having twinges on the left side of my abdomen that I wasn't having before.  I'm afraid I may have popped something with all the straining.  On top of all that mess, I got stuck really badly on lunch yesterday so took it easy at dinner (easy band friendly dinner tip - Campbell's chunky sirloin with vegetables poured over mashed potatoes.  Hearty and comforty food especially when it's cold out.  Anyway...) but I can still tell the band is kinda mad at me.  So I'm just feeling very yucky this morning.  

I did some more Christmas shopping yesterday, buying stocking stuffers and whatnot.  This is unprecedented for me to have gotten so much done so early in the season.  My goal is to finish by the 15th this year.  I can't even imagine what that would feel like to not be running around like a crazy person on Christmas Eve.  I think it'll be nice.  We're going to Zoo Lights tonight with the girls.  Assuming I can walk around with doubling over, I think this will be fun.  This is hubby's last day at work so his going out on his own is becoming very very real.  It's both exciting and scary. 

So that's what I got.  Sorry for the downer post but it's just kind of a downer day for me.  Hope everyone else is doing better and at least tomorrow's Friday and then I have Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off of work.  Definitely looking forward to that.  

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Wednesday Ramblings

I survived my procedure.  I ended up taking yesterday off even though I hadn't planned to.  All went well but was just feeling very crampy and didn't want to sit in my office chair all day so I called in.  I'm a little concerned by all the bleeding (TMI...sorry) going on but I'm giving it a couple days before I call the doc.  Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good.

I finally started decorating my house.  Just put the stockings up and a few odds and ends.  I'm going to get some eggnog and southern comfort and really tackle it this weekend and will hopefully be fa-la-la'ing by Monday.  We're taking the girls to Zoo Lights tomorrow.  I think every city has this but basically the Zoo dresses up for Christmas time and you can walk around in amazement, drink hot chocolate and visit Santa.  Several friends are going and we'll be tagging along.  Friday we're doing Mooey Christmas...something to do with cows.  I'm a little unclear on this one.  If those two events don't get you in the holiday spirit then nothing will!

Eating has been OK this week.  The choices have sucked but the volume has been great.  I only ate one meal on Monday and that was Subway.  Yesterday I had PB&J sandwich, some chips and McD's for dinner.  For a whole day, that's not bad calorie-wise.  We'll see how it all shakes out at the end of the week.  I'm not overly worried about it given how I'm feeling this week.  Next week we have Hubby's surgery so we'll be dealing with that.  Can you hear the fa-la-la'ing already?

So that's my Wednesday.  Not much I know.  How about a Hump Day Happy Thought to make this post worthwhile?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Weigh In 12.5.11

160. -1 from last week, +1 from my lowest.  Not too shabby...At least it wasn't a gain this time.

Weekend was good.  Saturday I hung out with the family, cleaned the house a little bit, took a family nap which are rare and wonderful and then went to a small Christmas gathering later that night.  We had a good time, drank only enough to get a little buzz on and ate only 1 fish taco and half an order of refried beans so didn't really over do.  This was a group of  people that I don't always feel comfortable around (some of the women can be a little catty) and outings with them are hit and miss but this was a good one so it was nice.  Sunday, we took my niece out for breakfast and then came back and tackled our closets.  By the time we were done, we had 2 bags full of trash and 4 bags of clothes to donate to Goodwill.  My closet looks fabulously clean but woefully empty.  Definitely need some new stuff.  One thing that really bugs is that after going through the girls' closet and my closet and all the "will never fit anybody again" stuff and the "doesn't fit my oldest but will save it for my youngest" stuff and the "fits everybody but it's summer stuff" stuff, I cannot find the girls' winter jackets ANYWHERE.  It's like they just disappeared.  Still wracking my brain to figure it out but need to do it quick as it's gotten REALLY cold here (like highs in the 50's y'all!  lol) in AZ.  May need to make an emergency trip to Target.

Back at work this morning and totally not feeling it.  I've had this cold for the last few days and it's starting to wear.  I got some Mucinex D over the weekend.  The stuff works GREAT but the pills are HUGE!  I seriously get stuck on them and almost choked on one!  Once it's down I'm good.  The other godsend is Vicks Nasal Spray.  Sent from heaven...seriously.

So today is a no food or drink day for me.  No, I'm not doing an intermittent fast...I have my permanent birth control procedure this afternoon.  They knock me out for it so no food or drink for 8 hours prior.  That kinda sucks when it's in the afternoon but I'll survive.  I think Hubby is having second thoughts about the whole thing but we've discussed it a number of times and I believe we're really on the same page.  It's a little sad to know that we won't be having any more kids but I think it's the right thing for us at this point.  I don't want big age gaps between my kids and you shouldn't have more kids than you can afford.  My kids have reached a fun age where we can take them pretty much anywhere without having to lug a bunch of extra stuff around and soon we'll be able to travel and do stuff without worrying how the kids will do with a long car ride, etc.  I just don't want to start over with a new one and on top of all that...and yes, this part is selfish...I don't want to gain all that weight again.  I know a lot of women get a lapband to lose weight so they can overcome fertility issues and I think it's wonderful that they're able to do that.  But the idea of gaining 40-60 lbs again just makes my stomach turn.  So there you have it. Anyway, there's not supposed to be much to this procedure, only takes about 15 minutes and then I spend about an hour in recovery.  Honestly, the only part I'm worried about is how nauseous I'll feel afterwards.  Seems like every time I have anesthesia (wisdom teeth, lap band...not much to compare to...lol) I feel nauseous when I wake up.  I'd like to avoid that.

There you have it...the excitement that is my life.  LOL.  I got no holiday decorating done this weekend and I'm really having a hard time getting into the groove this year.  I'm usually Griswold-esque in my enthusiasm and decor but I'm just not feeling it.  I haven't even bought a tree yet and am not really looking forward to going to get one.  I need something to get me into the spirit of things but I just don't know what that thing is.  Anyone else struggling that usually doesn't?

This week is Hubby's last week at work before embarking out on his own.  He's pretty much taking through the end of the year off to get his home office set up and be home with the girls for Christmas break.  By not having them in daycare, it'll save us about $500 so that's good.  He's pretty freaked about going out on his own but I think, in the long run, it'll be the right decision for us.

Alrighty...I've rambled enough.  Your Monday DEMotivator:



Thursday, December 1, 2011

Ten Thing Thursday

I've never done the 10 Thing Thursday post before so I figured I'd try it and see how it goes.  I also think that the more I post, perhaps the mojo will make its way back...we'll see how that works out.


  1. I was going to be good and save money and bring my lunch today and I left it sitting on the counter when I left the house.  Brilliant!  I also forgot the rent check that has to be mailed today and my prescription I need to have refilled.  What didn't I forget this morning?  My coffee...and that's about it.
  2. Number 1 task I hate doing: oil changes.  And no, I don't mean physically changing my own oil.  I mean...taking my car in.  I had a coupon for a place yesterday, took it in, took them over an hour and they tried to sell me 8 billion things while I was there.
  3. I actually started my Christmas shopping yesterday.  I'm one of those still frantically searching for gifts on Christmas Eve so to even start this early is a big accomplishment for me.
  4. Does anyone else have a really hard time shopping for their parents?  For whatever reason, my mom (who is usually the hardest one for me) was easy as pie but my dad...ugh...what to get someone who doesn't need anything at all.
  5. Hubby finally has a surgery date to fix his flipped port - 12/13.  Yay!
  6. Hubby and I have decided our family is complete.  I'm going in on Monday to have a permanent birth control procedure done.  In a few months, I hope to be baby proof and Aunt Flo free!  We'll see...
  7. I'm very grateful that we're able to get these procedures done before the end of the year so we aren't paying out of pocket for them.
  8. We were invited to a Christmas party this weekend.  On a whim, we've decided to go.  My niece said she could babysit..hopefully that doesn't fall through.  It'll be fun to have a date night.
  9. I've set a date of 12/5 to get back on track.  I'm allowing myself to wallow for another few days, enjoy the Christmas party guilt free, and then I'm taking Robyn's advice and getting over it, re-motivating, refocusing and getting back to remembering why the heck I had this little piece of plastic implanted in me to begin with.
  10. I find it ironic that part of my new job is paying invoices every month.  Hubby handles the bills in our house because I can't seem to pay anything on time (see #1 above about the rent check) and now I'm being held responsible for hundreds of thousands of dollars being paid out on time every month.  I'm laughing out loud at the idea.
Coming up with 10 things was easier than I thought.  Go figure.  Hope you're all having a fabulous day...it's almost Friday!  Yay!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

When You Have Nothing To Post...

It's time to bore people.

I haven't gotten pictures uploaded yet so you'll have to wait to see my little darling all princess'd up.  Honestly, there just isn't much to report.  I'm still eating like crap.  I'm still not exercising.  It's the last day of the month and no way am I going to hit my exercise goal.  Overall, I'm just not motivated to do much right now.  I don't know if it's just because the last couple weeks have been so busy.  I don't know if it's because that until I get the hang of the new job, there isn't much to do so I'm boredom eating.  I don't know what the deal is.  I DO know it's not just me.  I'm seeing it all over Blogland lately.  Outside of Blogland, I'm seeing it in my own house.  Hubby is pretty down about having to have another surgery (which insurance still hasn't pre-approved yet) and the fact that it seems that nothing can go easy for us...EVER.  He has virtually no restriction (can't get a fill because of the stupid flipped port) so he's fallen off the deep end with the food lately too.  Last night some family drama creeped in again and that's never a good thing.

So there you have it.  The poor, poor pitiful me story of Panda.  But, but, but for the first time in awhile, I think I found something I want to do.  It's the Color Run!  The link is here.  Basically it's a 5k that benefits a Children's Medical Center and they blast you with paint at each 1k marker.  Some details below.  Hubby and I are thinking of doing it together and maybe even letting the kids come along.  Not sure if they could make it a whole 3 miles but we'll see.  If I do with Hubby and the kids, I'll obviously walk it but if I do it on my own, I'm going to try to run it.  It's in January so we'll see how it shakes out.  They have them in several states, so you may want to check out the link and see if there's one near you.  


HOW DOES IT WORK?
The Color Run is a one of a kind experience that is less about speed and more about enjoying a color crazy day with your friends and family.  For our events, it is about people of all different speeds, ages, shapes, and sizes toeing the start line.  Whether you are a casual morning mall walker or an Olympic athlete, the 3 miles of the Color Run course will be the most enjoyable real estate you’ve traveled in a VERY long time.  (If you have more questions about how it all works, check out our “ABOUT” page.)
RACE RULES
Rule #1
 All participants are welcome… fast, slow, runner, walker, old, and young.
Rule #2 White shirt dress code at the official start line and ready to roll no later than 9am sharp!
Rule #3  Completely colored Willy Wonka goodness at the finish.

What else?  Oh!  The meeting the other day went pretty well.  We had 40 items to touch on and got through half of them so I had to schedule a follow up.  Facilitating wasn't nearly as scary as I thought and I just had a few things to follow up on so no biggie one way or another.  

That's all I got folks.  It is Wednesday, however, and with some lucky Wednesdays, you get a Hump Day Happy Thought...

Monday, November 28, 2011

Weigh In 11.28.11

161. +1 from last week and +2 from my lowest.  Eek!  Good thing I had those NSV's last week because the scale sure wasn't kind.  I know where it came from though.  Too much indulgence in sweets and booze.  Onward and downward from here.

Yesterday was my youngest daughter's 4th birthday party.  She turns 4 tomorrow so we did it a couple days early to have it on a weekend.  She finally settled on a princess theme and she truly looked the part.  I'll post pics as soon as I can get them on my laptop.  She's been fighting a cold and almost fell asleep halfway through but she stuck it out and had a great time.  It was just the family so not a big deal if she fell asleep or not.  We had South Carolina barbecue in her honor and I must say Hubby did a fantastic job with the food.  Of course, this also contributed to the scale being mean this morning but I digress.

I have fairly little going on over the next couple weeks other than your typical work holiday stuff.  I'm going to do my best to get back on track so that I can at least maintain over the holidays overall.  I bought some good salad stuff to eat for lunches over this week just to give my body a break from all the carby crap I've been having lately.  I'm actually looking forward to it.

The new job is going pretty well.  I'm leading my first big meeting this morning (yep...I've been doing this 2 weeks...sure, I'm ready to lead a big meeting with auditors and vendors and what not..sure.  No problem.  Ahem...) and I'm just a touch nervous about it.  The most annoying thing is they still don't have a permanent desk for me so I move from desk to desk depending on who's out.  The one I'm at this week is absolutely disgusting and I got to spend the first half hour of my day getting all the dust out.  Great start to the week.

I hope everyone had a magnificent holiday weekend and survived all the family togetherness it brings.  And now your Monday DEMotivator:

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving NSV's

What a busy couple of days!

I took Wednesday off of work so I could get my baking and some prep done for the big day.  My day started off with a Turkey Trot at my oldest daughter's school.  In an effort to promote physical fitness, every year, the day before Thanksgiving they invite parents to come to a self-paced run with their kids.  Not only did I overcome my "I really feel uncomfortable around other parents I don't know" thing and go to this Turkey Trot.  I ran with my daughter.  Yepperooni... I jogged right around that little track (It's 1st grade so we're not talking a quarter mile track here or anything) and could've kept going except my daughter got tired after 5 laps so we called it good.  Not only am I really proud of myself for going and doing it.  I'm proud for how I felt about it.  Other than debating how it would affect this chest cold I'm still fighting (FYI - It really doesn't help to do cardio if you have a chest cold), I never debated how I would look or if people would laugh at the "fat lady trying to run with her kid" or anything like that.  There's no negative self talk.  There was no self conscious side of me telling me that I look dumb or jiggly or out of my element.  It was just me doing something my daughter really wanted me to do and I felt good about that.  I also felt good that we outlasted half of her classmates.  LOL.  In all honesty, a year ago I probably wouldn't have even gone to the event, much less actually participated in it.  Just another small example of how grateful I am to have gotten 70 lbs off of me in the last 15 months.  Truly a great moment for me.

Once I was done with that part, I went home and baked 3 pies, prepared 2 sides and made crab dip.  Then I went and finished up my baby girl's birthday shopping.  VERY productive day.  Throughout all the baking and cooking, I managed to ONLY eat lunch and dinner.

Thanksgiving morning, I was up bright and early to get my 21 lb turkey in my mom's oven.  Then I had breakast with the family, and we spent the day at my mom's house eating and drinking to our heart's content.  We had our first glass of holiday egg nog to kick off the season.  I made the best apple pie I have EVER made and it was so pretty too!  Here's the NSV for this one.  I had a few crackers with chip for hors d'voures, one plate of food and dessert (small sampling of each of the 3 pies...probaby equalled 1 big piece).  In years past, I would've eaten my weight in crab dip and crackers, had at least 2 plates of food + an extra helping of mashed potatoes, and dessert twice.  Not to mention, the left over meal everyone has later in the day.  This year, this was my lunch and dinner.  There was no second Thanksgiving meal later in the day.  This was it.  Couldn't imagine eating anything else, I was so stuffed.  Did I overindulge?  Probably.  Was it improvement?  Definitely.  I consider this an NSV.

Today I'm at work...debating on taking a half day so I can be off at 9:30 but we'll see if I stick it out through the day.  Feeling pretty tired.  My back aches and I'm pretty sure I pinched something in my neck but overall doing OK this morning.  I hope you all had a great holiday!  For you Black Friday people, may your fellow shoppers not be crazy, the deals be plentiful and the credit card be paid off by January!  And in honor of all you crazy people out there since midnight last night, this Friday Funny is for you!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Scale Avoidance

OK...So we've all read blogs and answered questions about how we feel about the scale.  Obviously we have the love/hate relationship...love see numbers go down, hate seeing numbers go up.  Most of us never looked at scale, owned a scale, possibly even acknowledged the existence of scales while we were gaining all of our weight unless we were on one of the countless diets to lose the weight.  Then we've answered the questions of how often we weigh...daily vs weekly vs monthly vs 18 times a day in varying degrees of nudity.  Some of you have divorced your scales while others get on on it religiously.

I've commented on many of your blogs about this but thought I'd put it out there in my own.  I weigh every week, religiously, never to miss unless I'm out of town or something but since I never travel this is rarely an issue.  I don't weigh every day because daily fluctuations can really mess with my head.  One day of too much sodium can wreak havoc on a daily weigh in and I just don't need that kind of stress.  I can't divorce the scale (yet) because I gained all of my weight when I didn't even own a scale.  So weekly works for me.  It allows me to see steady progress sometimes over too much time but overall, gives me a sense of where I really am.  If I always retain water on Mondays because I never drink it on the weekends (ahem) then it's still an accurate reading as long as I'm always retaining water on Mondays.  Make sense?  Good.

So why am I talking about the scale today?  Well...it's a little bit of accountability for yours truly.  This morning was the first morning in a VERY long time where I actually debated whether or not to weigh in today.  I was about to make the conscious decision NOT to weigh myself this week.  Why?  Because of how I ate this weekend.  I had Starbucks EVERY DAY.  I had CANDY, chips and half a soda on Friday.  I ate at a buffet for the first time in a year on Saturday, overindulged on desserts and had 4 pina coladas!  4 creamy luscious, high-calorie pina coladas.  Sunday saw fried jalapeno coins and onion rings...steak fries!  A milkshake!  Apparently, I lost my mind somewhere this weekend and really just took on a "F*** it!" approach to eating.  And did I work out and be extra active to make up for this?  Oh no!  Not I!  I got in a whopping 45 minutes of activity.  "At least you drank your water Panda."  Nope...sure didn't.  I had iced tea, pina coladas (as previously mentioned), soda and pretty much NUSSIN' else!  So when I woke up and looked at the scale,  I knew it wasn't going to be good.  I knew I had a terrible weekend and I didn't want to own up to it.  I didn't want to step on the scale and see that number go up after hitting an all time low last week.  I didn't want to feel that anguish and disappointment of another bad week that always seems to come with a gain on the scale.

Don't worry.  I'm not looking for a "It's a new week.  You can do it!" comment or "We all fall off the wagon sometimes" comment or even a "Get off your butt and do something about it" wake up call comment.  I've already done all of that in my head.  Let's face it.  It's Thanksgiving week.  I'm not saying that as an excuse to go apeshit and eat everything in sight all week long but there's definitely going to be some overindulgence.  There just is.  I'm making 3 homemade pies, mashed potatoes, yams and buying wine by the gallon.  If you think for one second that I won't sample in all that, then I've seriously misled you on how much progress I've made this year.  But here's the difference.  I know that whatever nominal gain I have over this week or even the entirety of the silly season, I'll take it back off.  I know what I need to do.  I know how to work my band.  I know that it's not the end of the world, the end of my journey or any major indicator of the type of person I am or am going to be.  It's a number that will go up and down depending on my actions and how much effort I put into staying where I want to be.  And I'm up to that challenge and the emotional roller coaster that stepping on that scale will bring.

Weigh In: 160.  +1 from last week...not as bad as it could've been.

Your Monday DEMotivation:

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thanksgiving BYOC

Thanks Draz!  It’s Friday and that means it’s time for another installment of BYOC! That’s Bring Your Own Crazy!! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – and ENJOY!


I’m going to do a Thanksgiving themed BYOC this week (it was Jenny’s idea)!

1. What is your FAVORITE part of Thanksgiving?

The food!  What do you expect from a fatty?  I love Thanksgiving food.  Not so much the turkey (although it's good) but all the carby goodness that comes with it!  Rolls, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, pie!!!  Mmmmm....I cook on Thanksgiving and I take painstaking efforts to make sure that all if it superdeliciously fantastic!
2. How many Thanksgiving family events will you attend?

Just 1.  The one I'm hosting at my mom's house.  Grateful that inlaws don't live nearby so it's not ever an option.

3. What’s your biggest Thanksgiving tradition?

We don't have BIG traditions.  Just little ones.  I take the day before off of work every year and do all my baking.  My mom and I have our first glass of eggnog Thanksgiving night to kick off the Christmas season.  We've done this since I was kid but as an adult, we've added Southern Comfort (I'm pretty sure my mom always did.  LOL).  When I was a kid, we did a cornucopia every year but since I don't have one, we don't do it at my house (I think I'd like to start this one up again).  Football and food.  Basic traditions.
4. Do you Black Friday shop the day after Thanksgiving?

Lord no!  People out there are crazy!
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog world.

Real life is good. No major concerns this week, no one in the hospital, no one having surgery...thank goodness.  I started my new job and am learning tons.  I'm trying to get everything ready for Thanksgiving and my daughter's birthday so I'm feeling the heat, so to speak, on that stuff.  

Blogland - It seems kind of quiet out there.  A couple people are gearing up for surgery next week (right before Thanksgiving...not sure how I'd do with that).  But mostly, people are just muddling through.  Seems like there's a lot of "real life" drama going on that people are going through that make focusing on weight loss difficult.  Remember...these are life blogs - not just weight loss blogs.  Sometimes getting it all out there helps.  Just sayin'.


Soooo...in honor of the holiday.  A Thanksgiving Friday Funny.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Bad Food and NSV

Bless me Blogland for I have sinned...I ate french fries and had soda yesterday.  Brings my November balance to 3 orders of fries and like 3 sodas or something.  I'll have to do the real math tomorrow.  Oh well.  It is what it is.

NSV:  I'm wearing my shirt tucked in today.  I haven't worn a shirt tucked in since probably 1999.  Now, the shirt is 2 sizes too big so it was really the only way to make it look presentable (Yes...I need to do more shopping.  It's the holidays, you know...money's a bit tight).  Anyway...not too shabby.  I think I look OK and I don't think it's one of those "OMG!  Look at the fat girl with her shirt tucked in!" looks.  Wahoo!

So big day for Hubby yesterday.  He turned in his resignation at work and is officially quitting his job to open his own practice.  He's really nervous (so am I) and scared about what could happen but I really believe in the long run, this is the best thing he can do for himself and for us.  Here's hoping we can make it work.

So that's all I got for today.  Hope you're having a great week.  Friday is almost here!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Not Much to Report

I don't really have any updates.  Exercise has been nonexistent since the weekend.  Food choices have been so-so but so far all home made which is an improvement over recent weeks.  I started the new job on Monday and so far, it's good.  It's a little overwhelming as I'm really out of my comfort zone but also cool to be learning something new.  They definitely have a lot of confidence in my being able to revamp some thing and create some new processes.  I'm not sure what gave them the impression I could do that but I appreciate the vote of confidence.  :)

My brother in law is doing well.  He's back at home with his arm in a sling (The infection was in his elbow.  Isn't it odd that an infection in your elbow could cause such a big problem?) and is recovering well.  Hubby still doesn't have a surgery date for his flipped port.  I know he's frustrating and it's super annoying that he's having this problem.  I really need them to be able to get him in before the end of the year so that it gets paid for before our insurance changes.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Otherwise, I'm just ramping up for Thanksgiving and my youngest daughter's birthday.  She keeps changing her mind on the theme...we've gone from Bunnies to Hello Kitty to Race Cars to a repeat of the Minnie Mouse birthday.  She needs to settle on something soon so I can get my stuff together.  Her birthday party is the weekend after Thanksgiving so it's always hectic.  I'm hosting Thanksgiving again...kind of.  Our new place is too small to have everyone over so we're doing it at my parents' house but I'll still be doing all the cooking.  I can't wait for all the yummy food.  I admit I let myself go a little overboard for the holidays.  This year, the goal is to not gain anything.  So far I've resisted the Jack in the Box eggnog milkshakes.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm.  Seriously sinful.

So that's all I got for today.  Boring post but what can I say?  Around here, I relish in boring because if it's not boring, it's usually bad news.  With that positive outlook, I'll leave you with a Hump Day Happy Thought.