Monday, December 19, 2011

New Mindset?

So JRD at Canuck Bandit Musings got me thinking about changing mindsets and the band.  She's 5 months into banding and you can read her post from the link about how she feels she's mentally changing.  I was about to hijack her post by leaving a ridiculously long comment about my own musings on this but decided to just post it out in my own space as not to hog hers.  So...have I made the necessary mental changes in the last 16 months?  Yes... and... No.

Yes - Despite feeling like a failure the last couple months as I hover around 160, I finally reminded myself that I'm hovering around 160!!!  Seriously...since when has hovering around 160 been a bad thing in this fatty's life?  I was hovering around 230 for YEARS before I got the band.  Why is 160 suddenly a reason to think of myself as a failure?  Some things had to have mentally changed for me to not be gaining.  To be maintaining at a weight 70 lbs below my highest that I had maintained for at least 2 years is definitely something to be celebrated.  Sure...the band is definitely there doing what it's supposed to do but we all know that it's surprisingly easy to eat around that piece of sliders, graze all day, etc.  Perhaps some of these changes have become such habit (not snacking throughout the day on a bunch of crap, avoiding the candy bowl at work, etc) that I don't even think about them anymore.  Isn't that the definition of an actual mental change?  Not just noticing that I'm not doing these things but not even noticing it at all.  I'm not sure if that last part made sense but it's dawning on me that some of the good habits are becoming just that...HABITS.  Only having a couple sodas a month as opposed to 1 or 2 every day.  That's a habit...I don't even think about it anymore.  What I DO notice is when I revert...when I DO have a couple sodas in just one weekend, I feel blech about it...not guilty that I had done it but I can actually FEEL the effect that having those extra calories and sugar had on my body...the old me wouldn't have noticed that...just would've noticed that I strayed from plan and chastise myself for it.  I'd feel GUILT in my head...but not the blah feeling in my BODY.  It's a subtle difference but it's there.  Am I perfect?  God no!  But that's OK because I don't feel like I have to be in order to reach my goals...and I still feel like I will...regardless of how long I've been where I'm at.

No - Exercise is still one of those things.  For a year, I did great.  I was working out, using my gym membership (which I allowed to lapse due to financial stuff), running, setting physical goals for myself and then actually attaining them. never became HABIT.  Not like ordering water or iced tea at a restaurant instead of soda.  It still took a lot of mental effort to get my butt to that gym every day.  The fat girl in me would just prefer laying around and doing absolutely nothing than get up and go for a run.  And the second my life started getting the way of the activity, I used it as an excuse to let it slide.  I think this will be my focus in the new year.  Figuring out what it's going to take to make this a habit.  I still want to reward myself with food and I still want to turn to food when I'm upset, sad, angry, hurt or even happy.  I want to celebrate with it (just a lot less of it).  So that's something else to work on.  I haven't honestly put forth the mental effort of answering the question "Why do I eat?"

So those are my thoughts on mental changes.  Do I think that I could've made these changes without the band?  No.  Do I think if my band were taken out tomorrow that I could maintain these losses?  Truthfully, no.  That's my biggest fear.  So for all my mental accomplishments...I know I'm not doing this alone.  I know I still have a lot to learn and a lot to do before I could even contemplate life without my helper.  I also think it's something I'll always struggle with and have to think about and THAT'S OK.  At least I'll be able to do it in a current size 12 or hopefully smaller.

So my question to you...
Have YOU made the mental changes necessary for long term success?


JRD said...

Aw, Manda, you can "hog" my space anytime! This is a great post - lots of good musing going on there. Sounds like you are focusing on the right stuff to me! It's a constant work in progress, for the rest of our lives. That's whats different for me this time around - I realize now it's something I'm going to have to work on forever, and that's ok, because I have my helper. I don't have to do it alone. It's made all the difference so foot in front of the other, my friend! Great post!

Anonymous said...

I am just the opposite of you. I feel that exercise is a habit now and if I skip a day (usually a planned skip day) I feel it and I don't like the feeling.
However, I still turn to food when I am stressed, or hurt, or bored. I thought I was over my addiction to cola but once I had one again... now it is a daily battle that I am losing. Because of this I am just maintaining.... and I still have a long way to go.
BUT- I know, I really know, that I can still turn this around. I have just had a 'turn it around tomorrow' attitude the last month.
This will be my life-time struggle. But I am NEVER going back to being over 200 pounds!
So I will continue to fight myself forever, if necessary.
Sigh. So, girlfriend, I will be right here beside you and we WILL WIN this battle.
You know what- the turn it around starts right now- this instant. I almost just had a coke and I threw it away instead.

Cat said...

What a thought provoking post. I have made some of the changes as you, ordering water at a resturant is second nature to me now. I also don't drink once my food comes and for a whole hour after. I still struggle with my night time snacking though. It's better right now because I am keeping myself in check, but I know it's not habit yet. We'll keep working and I have to agree with you girl. 160 is fantastic! Yay you.

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

great post!!!

Cece said...

Great post, MP. Good stuff to think about (instead of eat) !

Ronnie said...

I love this post. I definitely think we've both made the necessary mental changes and that we'll be successes! Hell, we already are. :)