Thursday, August 28, 2014


Every now and then you need a kick in the ass to remember why you must always fight for you health and fight for YOU.

My dad has been overweight for as long as I can remember.  I vaguely remember him trying Slimfast and stuff like that when I was in elementary school but I mostly remember his killer spaghetti sauce.  He had a triple bypass surgery when I was in 8th grade and that motivated him to stop smoking.  One more stab a diet but it didn't stick.  Throughout the years, he's had stents put in his legs, his heart, etc.  Throw in a Type II Diabetes diagnosis and almost-sugar coma even after the diagnosis and that gives you an idea of how much my dad has worked to NOT get any better.

Earlier this month, he had a stroke in his right eye.  He's now blind in that eye...buildup of plaque behind the retina.  Did it come from his heart or brain?  They aren't sure yet.

Yesterday had an angiogram to look to see how bad his blockages are at this point.  He had to get 2 stents in his leg and they looked at the heart.  One of the bypasses he had done years ago is blocked beyond repair.  Open heart surgery is not an option, neither is another bypass.  No doctor will put him under because they are certain he would not survive the procedure and no doctor will risk him dying on their table.  So now he's stuck.  The blockages will just get worse and eventually he'll either have a massive stroke and be incapacitated or a massive heart attack and die.  It could be several years down the road or tomorrow.  There's no way to know.

I don't know if this will be the much-too-late wake up call he needs but I can tell you it's

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Any Gardeners?

I'm struggling with my eating.  Some days I'm spot on, others I flail.  I need to get more consistent.

We had the garage door replaced on the new house on Saturday.  Yesterday, the new A/C was put in.  Now I've got an HOA problem.  Apparently, former owners (a bank - it's a foreclosure) have an HOA violations (maybe 2?) where they didn't get the landscaping change approved years ago so now we have to deal with it.  Our options are to remove the privacy hedge and mulch bed and plant sod or apply for approval for these to be there.  We're going the approval route first and if they reject it, then we'll remove them.  The hedge is easy's done.  The mulch bed is dead.  Anything that's been planted there is dead and it looks like crap.  I was going to address this in the Spring when we were planning to resod the yard and plan flowers and all that.  My time table just got moved up.  So I'm scouring the internet trying to figure out what to do with this mulch bed I have.  It's pretty big.  I want pretty flowers but also want some ground cover.  Do any of you have any ideas?  I'm not opposed to planting in both fall and spring so annuals would be fine.  That's where the ground cover comes thought is that the ground cover buys me a couple weeks when the flowers die off to replant.  Then I think perennials may be the way to go but what would look good?  I've never had a garden before so I just don't know where to start!  I was hoping to have more time to plan.

Buying a house is seriously stressful.  Between work, the kids, the kids' activities and this house, I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed.  I'm trying to take deep breaths and keep it together but when the doorknob broke on the door from the house to the garage on Monday, I lost it!  We're going shopping for furniture and appliances this weekend to take advantage of the labor day sales.  I'm hoping I can get past these anxious feeling so I can enjoy it.

We struggled financially for so many years and now that we're finally in a great spot with no debt and now a home and everything, maybe I'm just uneasy about spending this kind of money or worried that every decision will be wrong.

I'm stress eating.  I know I am.  I'm eating my feelings and using food and wine to calm me.  I know that needs to stop.  It seems every time we fall off the healthy wagon, it's harder and harder to get back on.  Why can't we just stay on?  Why do we continuously fall?

I know this post is disjointed and rambly.  I just had to get it out there.  So I implore you...any advice on planting in North Florida in the Fall?

Friday, August 22, 2014

The Lifestyle Change Conundrum

"They" always say that in order to lose weight, it can't just be a diet.  It's got to be a lifestyle change.  I lived healthy for 3 years.  I had one major life event and it was all blown to hell.  21 days to make a habit?  Bullshit.  3 years didn't make a habit.

I moved to FL in December of 2012.  Since that time, I have gained 45 lbs.  It's absurd and ridiculous but there it is.  In AZ, I was working out 5 days a week and enjoying it.  I was eating small portions and pretty healthy food, drinking only on special occasion.  Here, I am sedentary, diet is horrendous and portions are huge.  One seemingly small difference, change in locale, totally screwed with my psyche.

When I moved here, I was worried about the kids, and moving away from their grandparents and school and people they've known their entire lives.  Would my husband like his new job?  Would I like working from home and not knowing anyone?  Turns out the kids are more resilient than I am.

I am an introvert.  I am not that outgoing and will rarely introduce myself to a stranger.  I cannot stand the PTO groups or "Mommy" groups.  They are mostly stay-at-home moms who judge me for putting my children in daycare when they turned 2.  So I suppose when I moved here...I focused on everyone around me and didn't make myself a priority, unlike when I was hitting the gym so often.  I made time for everything else except keeping with the one routine I really needed to.

Excuses?  I've got plenty.  I could blame all kinds of things, but I won't.  Apparently... I opted for a lifestyle change back to the life of a fattie when I moved to FL. more.

Eating has been better this week.  Fresh veggies and lean proteins.  Limited sugar (less than tsp in my coffee just to take the edge off).  I fell off the wagon a little bit yesterday as I was stress eating.  I am back at it today.  What I need to understand is that I cannot let perfection get in the way of really good.  So yesterday wasn't perfection, OK.  No reason to blow today.

We bought a house yesterday!  Our first home purchase was in 2007 and was a nightmare.  We foreclosed and our confidence was shot.  We finally felt ready to try again and we got a house we love that's affordable even if Hubby or I lose our jobs.  Now we're talking.  We've got some work to do.  Pressure washer is over there now.  An A/C guy (A/C needs to be replaced) and the garage door guy is coming over today.  Everything is moving in the right direction.

Thank you for those who stopped by for your support.  I really didn't think we'd all be in this boat.  We had such high hopes a couple years ago.  I know we can get there again.  I know we can.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Ahem...Is This Thing On?

My name is Amanda and I'm a former blogger.  The second I stopped being vigilant in my blogging and vigilant in my work outs and vigilant in my food, it all went downhill ridiculously fast.  I am ashamed to be back and posting my weight.  At my highest, I was 230 lbs.  At my lowest, I was 156.  Monday I weighed in at 199.5.  I'm catching this before I creep above that 200 line.  I'm nipping this in the bud.  I think this was the wake up call I needed.  Isn't that sad?  I can't even say definitively that this ridiculous backslide, erasing a whole year of hard work, is enough to get my ass in gear.  But I'm going to try.  I started Monday...eating right again.  Cutting the portions, cutting out the sugar, getting some activity in.  Next week, I'm back at the gym.  I'm on day 3 and going strong.  I'm ready.  I have to be.  I've got to get back before I become a complete and utter failure.  If anyone is still out there, I can use all the support I can get.  More to come...