Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lazy Days, Chicken and No Fill

Good morning everyone!

I was so overwhelmed with all the comments yesterday.  Again, I can not emphasize enough what a great community is out here in the blogosphere!   You all rock!

So after all the hoo-rah's from the weekend, I haven't been to the gym so far this week.  My usually M, W, F, S thing just isn't happening.  Monday, my ankles were still a bit sore...thought it'd be good to take the break. excuse.  I'm meeting a friend after work for drinks and dinner and just didn't want to deal with the whole shower at the gym thing.  That leaves me 2 opportunities for the rest of the week.  I'm committing now to making it happen.  The good news is I've made good food choices so far this week and that always seems to be a battle.  Then again, it's only Wednesday but I've got a good feeling about the food. 

Chicken.  I eat so much chicken.  It's on the menu at least twice a week.  Mostly in the boneless, skinless breast variety.  So I need chicken recipes.  Preferably low fat, low carb.  I also don't want a whole lot of processed stuff with flour (mmm...fried chicken.  Sound good to anyone else?), boxed sauces, etc.  I'm looking for some tasty, band friendly, mostly made from fresh ingredients recipes.  Any ideas?

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with the band doc for another fill.  I'm cancelling it though.  Honestly, right now I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot.  If I eat what I'm supposed to eat, it keeps me satisfied for 3-4 hours.  It's when I eat the junk and the sugar that the appetite kicks in.  Easy enough, right?  Just avoid those foods.  Riiiiiiiight.  I'm still in charge of what I put in my mouth.  Anyway, my doc has always said that the band doesn't keep you from eating, only you can do that.  It's just supposed to satisfy you sooner and last longer.  It's doing that.  I'm hardly getting stuck on anything at this point.  I went through a little stint where I seemed to get stuck on the first bite of everything but I'm calling that user error.  I've slowed down and started really chewing and am doing OK with that.  So I'm rescheduling for sometime at the end of April.  By then, I may be due for another one.  Getting appointments with my doc isn't difficult so we'll see how I'm doing in a couple weeks.  For now, I feel like I'm in a pretty good place.

So it's been a little while since I gave a "What's Bugging Panda in the News" update.  So here we go.  USA Today is at it again.  You can read the plea for stories here.  It asks readers for their wedding weight loss stories.  How did you trim down for your wedding?  Feel free to participate but I get the distinct feeling that most of the people who respond will be people who "just had to lose 15 lbs" before the big day or they would "just DIE!"  And I'm also taking 4 to 1 odds that WLS isn't included in any of it (not that anyone should have WLS just for their wedding).  Everyone wants to look good on their wedding day and you want to make sure your dress fits and looks wonderful but it's just another example of how obsessed the media and America has become with outer beauty.  Anyway, it just seems that we're bombarded EVERY day by the media telling us that we must be thinner, prettier and younger than ever before.  Stepping down from soapbox now...

So there you have it.  Nothing all that exciting going on in my neck of the woods. It is Hump Day, thank goodness...halfway to to the weekend.  We can make it...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Did It!

I did it!  I ran my first 5k this weekend!  I was aiming for finishing the 5k in 45 minutes... I finished in 40:35!  I picked the right race for was a fun run and only a few serious runners signed up.  I may have picked the wrong one for terrain as it was fairly hilly and at one point turns into a desert course that is entirely uphill, so I wasn't able to run the whole thing.  I walked up the steeper hills but tried to run the most I could.  I finished almost a full 5 minutes faster than the goal I had set for myself and I didn't even finish last!  It was such a feeling of accomplishment crossing that finish line.  Overall I even felt pretty good the rest of the day and the day after.  My ankles are a little sore and so is my back.  I think that's the difference in impact on pavement/dirt as opposed to the treadmill.  I also didn't stretch after which I think made a huge difference.  I've been religious about my stretching which has seemed to ward off the soreness.  Lesson learned for next time.  Outside of the running itself, there was a smaller NSV hidden in there.  I got a free tshirt for the run and I picked a size large (would normally never go below an XL for something like this) and it was a little too big.  I probably should've gotten a medium but I wouldn't have felt comfortable in it.  Can you believe that? A medium!

Me with my first race number ever.

Action Shot

Red Faced Finish Line Picture

Of course the girls had to offer their moral support so they joined me in the foot massager after.

Yesterday was Weigh In Day, of course.  181.5.  -3 lbs since last week!  I had felt I had made better choices throughout the week than I had previously but I wasn't expecting a huge drop.  So happy the scale is cooperating!

Weekend was pretty good.  Friday night, we went to my oldest daughter's family dance at school.  It was some music and a bunch of kids jumping around but it was fun.  It was only an hour and a half out of our lives so not so bad.  I told my husband as we were leaving that we should enjoy it while we can because the day will come when she not only doesn't want us to go to a dance with her but she'll want to go with a...gulp... BOY. 

Saturday, we did the 5k in the morning and then I went out shopping for a new outfit to reward myself.  All my stuff is hanging on me so I decided to try to find something that actually fit.  I was bummed when I went to Target and all their size 16 stuff fit but looked terrible.  So based on what I've read on these blogs, I headed to Old Navy.  I have NEVER shopped there because I wasn't aware of the vanity sizing until I started reading blogs.  Well, now that's the ONLY place I'll shop.  It's soooo good for the ego.  LOL.  At Old Navy, I'm a size 14!  Yes, you read that right, a size 14!  Talk about vanity sizing!  But I don't care.  I found a pair of denim capris and a tshirt I liked and they were both on sale.  My new favorite-ist store EVER!

Then we went to my hubby's friend's house so the girls could play with their daughters.  We had a good time and stayed until around 9.  This is part of my "Get Social" effort and it went well. 

Sunday, we went to a Spring Training game and had lots of fun.  I ate way too much including a hotdog, nachos, popcorn and yes...SODA!  I haven't really had soda since being banded and it tasted soooo good.  I felt like such a pig though.  I should probably also say that my daughter probably ate 1/4 of my hotdog and the popcorn and nachos were shared by the entire family.  As for the soda, I had maybe 6 sips the entire day.  I also skipped dinner.  So calorie wise, I think everything evened out.

Also, I wanted to give you all an update on the issues I've been having with my mom.  Either she reads my blog (If so, hi mom) or it's just interesting timing but she's made a few comments about my weight loss lately and even went so far as to buy me new bras since I was complaining about the old ones not fitting as well.  She also commented on how I need to buy some more stuff since everything is just hanging off of me.  She's right and that's partly why I went shopping over the weekend.  It's just one outfit but it's a start and it does feel nice wearing clothes that fit.  It was also really nice to get the compliments from her and know the effort hasn't gone unnoticed. 

That was my weekend in a nutshell.  I want to thank everyone for the well wishes on my first 5k.  As I was running, I could hear you all cheering me on in my head and it definitely makes a difference.  Even though it's Tuesday, I leave you with a Belated Monday DEMotivator (I was apparently so demotivated, I couldn't get this posted yesterday):

Friday, March 25, 2011


Well, tomorrow's the big day.  Did I train as hard as I should have?  Probably not.  Am I going to be able to run the whole thing?  Probably not.  Am I going to finish dead last?  Probably.  Am I going to try my best anyway and not be disappointed if I don't finish under 45 minutes and don't run the whole thing?  No.  All I can do is my best. 

So, ladies and gents...wish me luck!  Keep your eye on the news about a "runner' in AZ who had to be carried away on a stretcher doing a little 5k Fun Run. 

And it just wouldn't be Friday without a Friday Funny...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Post 2 - NSV & Liars

First, the NSV's because the second NSV leads into the "Liar, Liar..Pants on Fire" post.

  1. I went to the gym yesterday to do my 5k training.  I really pushed myself to go faster and actually all out RUN.  It didn't work.  I only made it 2.5 miles before I just had to stop.  Why is this an NSV?  Because a) I made it 2.5 miles in 33 minutes.  And b) I decided that I would do strength training instead of just calling it a day.  So I went and started using some of the weight machines and promptly felt like I was going to vomit.  I decided that I pushed myself too hard and it was time to go.  But then I decided it would be a bad idea to stop without stretching because then I might be sore and it might carry over to my 5k on Saturday so I went back and did the stretching machine (sounds like a torture device but I love it!).  Then I went home.  Now, the old me would've felt like a failure because not only did I NOT complete my 5k yesterday but I also didn't do the strength training like I wanted.  The new me says " made it 2.5 miles pretty quickly and you tried your hardest to keep working out.  And you're actually disappointed that you couldn't keep going.  You're growing!"  And I'm absolutely right about that.
  2. My BFF who was going to do the 5k with me has decided not to.  I'm still doing it.  It's the first event like this I've entered by myself but I'm going to follow through - that's a big mental victory.
  3. A colleague at work asked me how I'm becoming the "incredible shrinking woman."  Me?  Shrinking?  You betcha.  Thanks for noticing.
So why am I liar?  Because that colleague asked how I was doing it.  Now, I'm not open about the whole band thing to most people.  Some of my friends and family know, 127 of you out in Blogland know, but only 2 people from work know:  My boss who is ubersupportive and a friend who I knew wouldn't tell anyone.  I've known this particular colleague for several years and we've discussed child rearing stuff and what not but I'm not really sure how she is with the whole gossip thing.  But I always thought that I wouldn't lie if people asked me straight up.  I thought that once I started losing the weight, I'd be open about it, especially to people I thought might benefit from the band and knowing how it works.  This woman would definitely benefit.  But before I knew what was happening, my mouth was saying "I've cut my portions in half and am working out 3-4 times a week."  That's my standard answer for busy bodies who I know would spread the word.  Now, this isn't a lie.  I have done both of those things but I'm not being entirely forthcoming, am I?  I think the reason I feel guilty about this one (as opposed to others) is that this colleague knows my BFF lost over 100 lbs and now I'm losing weight, I can't help but feel that perhaps she's thinking "Why can they do it but I can't seem to?"  After I provided that standard answer, she said "Of course that would work but HOW can you STICK to it?"  I didn't really know how to answer.  This was a little too specific for me.  The truth is, I have a little bit of a cheat, ya know?  Now, I've answered other bloggers a thousand times over that it's no one's business about their surgery and they shouldn't feel guilty by using an answer similar to mine.  They're not lying, they're just not divulging a very personal decision.  I know, I know, but I just feel guilty about this one.

The other question she asked is what prompted me to start trying to lose weight.  Like there must be some kind of trigger or "defining moment" that inspired me to really commit to it this time.  We talked about my BFF.  Hers is kind of funny.  She and her hubby had a deal that she would lose 50 lbs and he would quit smoking in a set amount of time and they would reward themselves with a Sleep Number Bed.  It worked.  They both did those things but once my friend hit 50 lbs, she felt so much better, she kept going.  Was a Sleep Number bed really what inspired her to lose weight?  Probably not, it was a way to reward herself and STAY motivated.  I realized I didn't have an answer for my colleague.  I don't know why this is the time I decided to commit.  I don't know why I decided that I was committed enough to have surgery and stick to a program.  I suppose there are lots of reasons.  I'm approaching 30...I know that doesn't sound old to most people but it seems old to me.  LOL.  I don't want to waste my life being fat.  Also, when I last visited my sister, someone asked which of us was older.  She's 8 years older for goodness sake!  I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of their fat mom.  If I really think about it, maybe the exact moment I had enough was when I took a trip with my husband (can't remember where) and it was the first time I needed a seat belt extender.  I fought back tears the entire flight.  I remember feeling humiliated and disgusted with myself.  So I guess that was my "trigger."  That was way too personal to get into with a colleague but it definitely gave me food for thought. 

So my questions for you today bloggers...

If banded and you're not open about your band, do you ever feel guilty answering the "how" question?

Banded or not, what was your "defining moment" that inspired you to truly commit?

Post 1 - Bullies

I'm doing 2 posts today because I decided the topics I wanted to write about could get lengthy so 2 posts in 1 day.  Lucky you.

So if you follow Draz, you know that her daughter has been experiencing bullying at school and Draz has been trying her best to help her through it.  I wanted to give a little post about it here because I think the bullying I experienced as a child has affected my psyche some and possibly has played a role in my weight gain/loss over the years.  Bullying is certainly a growing problem.  There have been news stories about the kids who have committed suicide because of cyber bullying, the Columbine and other incidents where bullied kids have lost it and tried to kill their tormentors and most recently, the incident in Australia that has now gone viral.  If you don't know about the Australia thing, I'm sure you can find it on youtube (I can't access youtube at work; otherwise I'd post a link) but basically a chubby kid was being picked on by a little skinny kid.  It's obvious this had been going for awhile and the skinny kid is taunting him and then punches him a couple times and the bigger kid doesn't even flinch.  Finally, the chubby kid freaks and body slams the little twerp.  So now the twerp is going to sue the big kid for injuries, blah, blah, blah.  You can probably tell my take on this.  I say good for the chubby kid!  That little kid deserved it.  You can only push a person so far before they just can't take it anymore.

I was bullied as a kid.  I think if you're a chubby or fat kid, you're either the bullied or popular.   My theory is all people fall into 1 of 3 categories.  You're either the leader, the follower or the loner (individual - take your pic of phrasing here).  Fat kids are no different.  If you're a fat leader, it's OK because your personality will take over and people will like you regardless.  Generally, speaking if you've always been fat, you may even alter your personality to be bigger than life and "funny" (How many of you have been described as funny?) to take the attention off of your weight.  I later adopted this policy...if I laugh at me first, then they're laughing WITH me and not AT me.  If you're a follower, it can go either way but chances are you're now the "fat friend" of someone more popular.  Everybody likes you well enough and you probably aren't picked on but you know it's just because of who you're friends with.  But if you're that loner.  You're screwed. 

I had friends all through school but not A LOT of friends.  I just wasn't a person to have a big social circle.  I had a small group of really good friends.  I played sports so was friends with everyone on my teams.  But I was chubby.  Not real chubby and in pictures, I can see that I really didn't have a weight problem.  But it only took one kid calling me fat on the school bus one day for me to get it ingrained on my brain for the rest of my life.  I also grew up in a small town in South Carolina.  You should need a passport to go there as it's a whole different world.  I learned that the Civil War was actually "The War of Northern Aggression."  This wasn't the 60's folks...this was the 90's.  So racism is still alive and well down there (not making generalizations - we all know there are a lot of non racist folks but let's call a spade a spade) and, make no mistake, that racism goes both ways.  Everybody hates everybody else down there for one reason or another and the color of skin doesn't help anything.  So I was a minority in my school.  A fat little minority who got picked on...every day.  I got threatened with physical violence by girls bigger than me (I'm full grown at 5 feet so EVERYONE was bigger than me) and got taunted mercilessly by little punk boys who just thought it was funny to make the chubby girl cry.  The school bus was my worst nightmare and there were certain parts of the field (where you waited before school and after lunch before you went inside) that I avoided altogether. 

I remember after a particularly brutal kind of day, I came home crying and my mom told me to talk to my sister.  She'd tell me how to handle it.  So I did.  I can't remember exactly what she said but the gist was simple.  Ignoring them wouldn't work.  Trying to be their friend wouldn't work.  The only way to stop it was to actually stop it.  On my own.  By myself.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  OK.  What did my sister know?  She was always popular in school, had tons of friends and spent most of her time on the phone or out.  She's 8 years older than me so what did she know about being a kid? (I was 11 - what can I say?).  So a few days after that, a girl started in with threatening to hit me, etc.  So I told her to do it.  She looked at me like I was nuts.  I told her I was sick of listening to her talk about it and if she wanted to do it, do it.  And she did.  Well, she tried.  She took one swing and then I popped her in the gut.  I should probably mention that things were more civil then (LOL).  If you were going to fight, it was just the 2 of you.  You didn't have entire groups of people beating one person to a pulp.  You had entire groups yelling at each other or teasing you - but the violence was usually just between you and the other person.  She started crying, told me she was going to tell on me and ran away.  She didn't tell (who would believe someone a full foot smaller than her would make her cry?) and that entire group left me alone from then on.  Was violence the best answer?  Probably not.  But it worked.

Now what about those boys on the bus?  Well, after I beat up all of them....  just kidding.  That continued until about 7th grade.  What happened in 7th grade?  2 things that made those last 2 years on the bus outstanding.  The first was my neighborhood got our own bus.  There were only 8 of us but because of district lines (blah, blah) they had to give us our own bus.  So those boys?  Not on my bus anymore.  The second thing was I met one of my best friends that year - a boy.  Now he would later become one of my first die-hard crushes and heartbreaks as well but he was a good friend.  He lived a few houses down and he was tall.  So I had a boy who was bigger than the twerps who made fun of me as one of my best friends.  Voila.  Bullying done. 

We moved to AZ my freshman year of high school and I swore it was an opportunity to start over.  I would be popular.  I would be liked and I would never be picked on again.  2 out of 3 aren't bad.  I never became popular.  But I was liked, I had friends - a couple different circles.  I had people to hang out with and once they got to know me, my personality shown through.  I had a couple boy friends, a couple dates.  I went to dances.  High school was good.

Unfortunately, the damage was done.  My social anxiety (albeit minor compared to people with REAL social anxiety) stems from the bullying I think.  I've always been shy but now I always wonder what people are thinking about me, what they might be saying behind my back, etc.  It doesn't help that a lot of women are just catty creatures in general, even as adults.  As I've mentioned before, I'm working to move past my social issues, trying to get out more.  Trying to be more confident.  Trying not to let what others think affect me.  It does.  I think it always will to some degree but it seems to get a little better every time I take a risk and try something new.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

43:18 & Primal Eating (Warning: Long Post)

43:18... Getting a little better each time.  I think I'm about hitting my limit though.  It was really tough pushing through last night but I think my gym is still having some air conditioning issues because it was REALLY warm on the second floor.  Since it was rainy and nasty out yesterday and people in AZ seriously can't drive in the rain, I considered skipping the gym and doing it at home.  But we've discussed the whole "working out at home" thing before and I decided I was just making excuses so I went to the gym and kicked its ass.  So there!  I ate better yesterday...the only thing off plan was a small handful of chips.  Going to try to avoid unplanned snacking today. 

To answer Lisa's question, Kings Speech isn't out on DVD yet.  I got a special viewing from a less than authorized source.  That's all I'll say about that.  LOL.

For some who may have joined my little narcissistic blogfest a little late, my hubby has been in the process of getting banded.  He needs to get his BMI a bit lower before the doctor will operate.  Many of my longtime followers may recall that he was approved before I was for the surgery.  Well, a little update on him and what he's doing.  He was doing the pre-op liquid diet indefinitely until he got his BMI down.  Well, needless to say months of that plus family drama derailed the effort.  We had a rough spot over Christmas where we got off track and we changed insurance companies at the New Year so all his paperwork will have to be resubmitted but we're still confident he'll get approved.  Currently, he's down over 80 lbs and has embraced the Primal Blueprint. 

What is Primal Blueprint?  So glad you asked!  Now, I haven't researched this but my hubby has been doing it for several months now and it does make a lot of sense.  Basically, you eat the way a caveman did.  The guy who came up with it, Mark Sisson, basically believes the Food Pyramid is a joke and grains (even whole grains) cause inflation and all kinds of problems in your body.  Sisson believes that if you live like Grok (the fictional caveman he uses in his examples), then you'll live a healthier lifestyle, have more energy and generally be on your way to wellness.  The point is to eliminate all processed food from your diet...the stuff with chemicals, flour, breads, dairy, prepackaged stuff, etc.  Essentially, by default, you become low carb.  The difference is you can still eat potatoes, carrots, mangoes, etc.  Most low carb plans ban these types of food because of the natural sugars in them.  This plan doesn't ban those things as long as the sugar is from a natural source (they're even OK with honey) but my hubby eats them sparingly, if at all, since he's trying to lose weight.  This plan isn't about losing weight, it's about being healthy...they figure losing weight will just naturally follow suit.  Sisson also believes in the 80/20 rule.  If you can follow the rules 80% of the time, you'll be alright.  My hubby is an all-or-nothing kind of guy so he doesn't really buy into the 80/20 rule (he does, however, put cream in his coffee - bad caveman!) but it's the only way I can do it.  Mark Sisson has a blog and a forum which goes into far more detail than I can.  Here's the link to the blog and here's the link if you want to purchase a primal blueprint book or read more about it or whatever.  No, I'm not being sponsored yet.  Anyway, the way I see it...the plan makes a lot of sense.  He goes off about different things regarding exercise which I may get into a little later.  I haven't been following the whole exercise guide part of it and neither has my husband so maybe if we get more into that, I'll expound on my thoughts regarding it.  Now, here's my disclaimer...this guy has a gazillion books and products he wants to sell you and he's totally into it for making money.  I'm not delusional but I like where he's coming from. 

Click for larger picture - basic plan laid out
 Anyway, I really like the idea of living more naturally.  Not only are prepackaged foods loaded with perservatives, they're usually higher in sodium and sugar than if you just made something similar yourself.  Most of us have probably tried the low carb diets before too (Atkins, South Beach, All-you-can-eat-bacon diet, etc.) and found we lost weight.  My theory is it's because you're getting more protein in and lots of green, leafy veggies on these plans.  That's basically what the primal thing's about but it takes a less all-or-nothing approach that I can live with.  I don't want to have to worry about natural sugars found in watermelon, bananas or other tropical fruit.  Seriously, have you ever seen a really fat monkey?  Probably not.  And what do they eat?  Bananas.  I'm convinced that no one ever got fat off eating bananas.  But I bet lots of people got fat off eating pasta, bread, and macaroni & cheese.  So my hubby is really gung ho and in order to be supportive, I've tried to cook things that I know follow this plan (I use more dairy than he'd probably like but se la vie) and I've found that cooking stuff with fresh ingredients and using fruit more in my cooking actually tastes pretty good.  My girls like most of it and it still has some flexibility.  If I make pasta and sauce for the girls, I just pour the meat sauce over steamed vegetables for hubby.  But what I'm finding more and more is that I'm tweaking less and less and just eating primal with him and am feeling pretty good.

So why I am going into all this?  I have no idea.  I just wanted to give everyone an idea of how we're eating these days, give a little update on my hubby (some of you ubersweet bloggers have asked about him) and let you in on what we're trying to do food-wise.  We're trying to get as natural as possible because it seems that a lot of the health problems people have today weren't as predominant back in the day when people ate locally grown stuff and cooked at home a lot...before hungry man dinners and boxed casseroles.  Maybe it's a longing for a simpler time when there didn't seem to be as much to worry about (other than that whole WWII and Cold War stuff...ya know...the basics...LOL).  Maybe simplifying my life can start with something as simple as food.  Happy dining. 

Monday, March 21, 2011

44:11, Weigh In & The Weekend

It's blurry but true!

Sorry so blurry.  I only have a couple seconds to take a picture before the display turns off the treadmill and my hands are usually a little unsteady even then.  But that's right folks!  3.1 miles in 44:11 minutes.  Now this is on a treadmill so I know the road will be harder but I feel more confident going into it now.  I was hoping to be able to fit in some road training prior to the run but that's just not going to happen so I'll do my best.  I'm doing my 5k training today and Wednesday and then strength training on Friday.  The run is Saturday and I don't want to tucker myself out the day before.

And, of course, it's Weigh In Day - 184.5. -1 lb from last week.  Not terrible.  With the way I ate this week, I'm shocked to have a loss at all so I'll take it. 

Weekend in Review - Saturday, we fought terrible construction traffic to make it into town for Zumba but it was worth it.  It's just fun.  I enjoy it.  The air conditioning wasn't making it to the room so it got pretty warm but it wasn't like Bikrum Zumba or anything so we lived.  LOL.  Then we had lunch, hit the grocery store and hung out at home.  We watched King's Speech that night.  Fantastic movie.  Honestly, I liked Inception more but the acting was superb.  I can see why it won all those Oscars. 

Sunday, we did some quality family time stuff in the morning, some random errands in the afternoon, went out to a new frozen yogurt place after dinner and then it was bath and bed.  We did watch the first 5 episodes of Weeds.  I'm hooked on this show now.  Thank goodness you can borrow the series from the library.  Now that we've done away with cable, it's our saving grace.  The eating could've been a lot better.  I didn't come out of my binging funk as quickly as I would've liked but I'm on the right track now.  I've got my meals planned for all week.  Next weekend will be a challenge.  We have a "family dance" at my daughter's school Friday night, the 5k and lunch out on Saturday and then a Spring training game Sunday where we're planning on normal ballpark fare.  I think if I do well all week leading up to it and then only splurge a little at each event (and possibly won't at all at the dance or lunch) then no problem. 

Hope y'all had a terrific weekend and aren't hating Monday morning too much.  If you are, I have a Monday DEMotivator for you.

Friday, March 18, 2011

BYOC & Binging

BYOC first, then I'll talk about binging (cuz I know you all are dying to know about my binging)

It’s BYOC Friday – Bring Your Own Crazy! Five little questions – some funny, some serious – that you can copy and paste to your blog. We do this in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Enjoy!

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?

• Yes.  I'm almost halfway to goal and I still feel fat.  I see improvement but I still have a long way to go.  I'm not sure if I'll ever feel "un"fat because I can't remember a time where I didn't feel fat.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.

• 7th grade.  My first boyfriend.  I always seemed to date skinny, geeky guys.  Go figure.  It was at a school dance and I remember thinking I was really hot stuff. Then I got all mad because my best frenemy found out and then ran out and had her first kiss the same night so she wouldn't be upstaged.  *sigh*

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?

• Yikes!  I'm laid back when it comes to cleaning and stuff until it gets so bad I'm tripping over stuff and then I freak out.  I hate being argued with or sassed at and that's usually when I lose it.  I yell too much and I think sometimes I expect too much out of my girls when they're still so young.  I read to my kids and sing them a song every night.  I'm a cuddler.  I'm not a sit on the floor and play with them kind of mom but I wish I were.  I try to see the humor in what they do and not be too rigid.  I don't think I really have a style.  I'm definitely not one of those moms that relishes in motherhood.  The ones who make their own baby food and can feel the awe and wonder of child rearing in everything they do.  I envy those people.  I feel like every day I'm learning what it's like to be a parent and I don't know if you ever feel like you've got it down.

4. How would your best friend describe you?

• Sarcastic, loud and opinionated.  I'm pretty sure every best friend I've ever had (including my husband) would agree on those basic 3.  You know what?  They're right.  I think they'd also call me loyal and sometimes overly sensitive.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In real life – So so.  Family was sick this week.  Makes it more difficult to be me.  Everyone's starting to feel healthy again so I'm hoping for a good weekend.  Eating sucked but exercise was good.  Blogland... pretty good.  Getting some feelings out.  Lots of posting going on.  Good news, bad news...keeps it interesting.  Always so amazed at the amount of support that can be found here for all kinds of things that get you down.

And now for binging.  This week hasn't been great.  I'm dealing with self image issues (let's not go there again) and some family stuff (my mom) and some marriage stuff.  And I reverted to old habits.  Remember when I said I'm not an emotional eater?  I lied...BIG TIME.  Last night, I didn't care.  I didn't care that I didn't make it to the gym for strength training.  I didn't care that I'm only 7 lbs away from 50 down.  I didn't care that I have a 5k coming up that I need to be in better shape for.  I wanted food...lots of it.  And I didn't want veggies or anything grilled.  I wanted fried stuff.  I wanted to eat and eat and eat and feel...better.  And I did...sort of.  What made this slip up even worse is that I dragged my hubby down with me.  He'd been doing so well with his eating (which I PROMISE I will go into our whole "primal lifestyle" thing in a future post).  But his not feeling well coupled with my apathy pushed him over and he indulged with me.  We went to Jack in the Box.  I ordered egg rolls, stuffed jalapenos and a mint oreo shake.'s where I have to thank my band.  Preband, this binge would've been a burger, fries, coke, 2 tacos or eggrolls and a large shake and I would've eaten all of it.  Last night I had 1/2 an eggroll, 3 stuffed jalapenos and 1/2 a regular sized shake.  I was stuffed.  Couldn't eat another bite.  Of course, today I feel crappy and guilty and a lot of self loathing.  But I ate A LOT less than I would've preband so I'm grateful for that.  I realize that I need to work on not eating my feelings and admit that I possibly have a food addiction problem (What can I say?  I'm a little slow on the upswing).  It helps to know that when I slip, I have this little band to help me not go too far overboard.

So on to the gym tonight.  I feel 45 minutes coming on!  Zumba tomorrow.  Yay!  Cleaning house this weekend.  Gotta get my place picked up...looks terrible.  I may even start my taxes.  And, of course, I leave you with a Friday Funny.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

45:07 & St. Patrick's Day!

First, thank you all for your comments on my last post.  We all have Debbie Downer days... but not everyone has such an amazing level of support like I do here in this crazy blogosphere.  I'm feeling much better today about everything.  As far as my mom  That's all I really have to say about that.  The day after the chat about my brother, she made a comment that I needed to go shopping because "those pants look terrible from the back."  Seriously?  Thanks???  But I've decided that confronting her would do no good and there's really no reason to get into a thing about it.  I'm just going to let my results speak for itself and let her comments roll right off my back.

In other news...I did my 5k training yesterday in 45:07.  Just 7 seconds away from my goal!!!  Ugh!  If only I had pushed just a little harder.  But no worries folks...I'm sure I'll hit it the next time around and then I've got to start working on training outside on the road a little bit.  I've heard it's harder outside than on the treadmill, which makes sense - more impact, harder on the knees, more inclines, etc.  Only 8 days until the actual run.  Am I ready?  Heck no!  But I'll do my best and I won't give up.  My hubby and girls will be there to cheer me on.  As long as I don't pass out on the route or anything, I'll be proud of myself. 

My eating has been so-so this week.  Not the best choices but with the whole family being sick and not really eating, it seemed silly to cook stuff that would be wasted (not a good excuse I know).  I have also been eating too much - eating until I'm full as opposed to just satisfied.  I really need to watch this. 

Now for some St. Patty's Day history:
Per, contrary to popular belief, St. Patrick was not Irish.  He was born in Britain and was taken to Ireland as prisoner after a raid on his family's land.  To make it through the ordeal, he became a devout Christian.  After 6 years as a prisoner, he heard God's voice telling him to escape and so he did back to Great Britain.   Later, he tells of another revelation where an angel tells him in a dream that it was time to return to Ireland and convert them to Christianity.  He returned and combined Irish traditions with Christian symbolism like placing a sun on a cross (known as a Celtic cross today) so the transition would seem more natural to the Irish.  He died March 17th in the 5th century.

St. Patrick's Day has been celebrated in Ireland for over a thousand years.  A catholic holiday, meat restrictions during lent were lifted and Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon with a meal of Irish bacon and cabbage.  The first St. Patrick's Day parade took place in the United States in1762. Today, St. Patrick's Day is celebrated by people of all backgrounds in the United States, Canada and Australia. Although North America is home to the largest productions, St. Patrick's Day has been celebrated in other locations far from Ireland, including Japan, Singapore and Russia.

So whether you're Irish or not, wear green and be happy.  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Whiny Post

46:06.  That's over a minute under my last best time doing my 5k training.  Feeling very good about it.  Even though I REALLY didn't feel like working out yesterday, I dragged my butt to the gym and got on the treadmill.  I felt good about my time and how hard I pushed myself.  45 minutes may just be do-able after all.  Something else I noticed was that I didn't feel like a whale in my workout clothes.  I hate seeing myself workout (ever notice how many mirrors are in a gym?) but other than turning bright red (which I've done since I was 8 years old ANY time I exert any energy whatsoever), I don't think I looked too shabby.

This leads me to my progress post.  I'm posting progress pics at 50 lbs down and I've been trying to make a list of all the great NSV's I've experienced after losing 50.  I have about 7 lbs to go before I can do that but I'm struggling.  Lately, I've been feeling a little down about my progress.  I don't lose as fast as some people but it's not so much my rate of loss, it's the image.  1-2 lbs a week is fine by me.  You do the math on that, if you lose 1 lb/week, that's 52 lbs a year (half of what I'd ideally like to lose and I'm almost there already!).  Up that by just 1/2 lb/week and you're looking at 78 lbs in a year.  That would get me to a pretty good spot. 

My problem is coming from what's staring back at me in the mirror.  I know I've talked about it before but I just can't seem to move past it.  It's the gut.  I see improvements in my face and my back fat.  My feet are smaller and my wedding ring is just about going to need to be replaced by a cheap Target brand ring until I hit goal and can get it sized.  But this stomach just isn't going anywhere.  I've always carried my weight there but I'm really starting to HATE seeing this squishy belly in the mirror.  Without getting too icky, I basically have two stomach rolls.  A top one which I think is my actual stomach and then a bottom roll that isn't getting any smaller and is just kind of hanging there.  Skinny people who have children and don't quite get back to their perky selves would call this part a pooch.  I call it sickening.  I know I'm going to need a tummy tuck if I ever do get to my aspirational goal.  I mean, there's just no way this is going to suck back in but I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'll be stuck with this for several more years as I lose weight everywhere else.

There's something else that's bugging me unrelated to my actual progress.  Some of you may recall that my mother wasn't all that supportive of my getting the lapband.  Even though I've certainly lost quite a bit, she rarely, if ever, comments about my loss or pays me a compliment about my progress.  My dad has been paying compliments like crazy which is weird.  If you knew the family history here, you totally would've thought it would've been reversed.  So, the other day my mom starts telling me how great my brother is doing at his new diet.  He's down to 210 lbs (notice how we all have a weight problem EXCEPT my mother?  Yes...very annoying...all the kids look just like my dad...moving on).  I asked her what program he's on and she said she didn't know but it had something to do with having a bar in the morning, a shake for lunch, no red meat for the first 21 days, lots of veggies, etc.  Can anyone say fad diet???  Then she was saying that my brother was complaining about how expensive the produce is right now and actually asked if I had bought produce lately and how it really is high.  Seriously??  Like I haven't been eating veggies for the last 6 months?!?!  Like I haven't been hitting the gym 3 times a week or training for a 60 mile walk, a 5k and trying to be more active overall?!?!  Apparently, I've just been losing my weight by eating bonbons and potato skins.  I just found the whole conversation to be extremely patronizing.  I don't even know if my brother knows about my band.  I never told him because I didn't want his wife to know (don't get me started on her).  Ugh.

On top of everything else, my girls are sick...AGAIN.  Maddie has some kind of head cold with a fever and Lori was up all night vomiting.  Good times. 

So there you have it.  We've been having a lot of technical problems at work lately so this is the stuff that I'm able to obsess over for hours on end while putzing the time away.  I really am trying to stay on the positive side of things.  I definitely feel better and healthier.  Clothes are getting baggier.  I'm also taking a trip to Las Vegas in mid-April.  My sister and her husband (who is doing OK by the way) will be there so my dad and I are driving up to say hi.  They have a little break between radiation/chemo and when he begins the clinical trial, so they're taking advantage of the break and having some fun.  Vegas is like my brother-in-law's Disney Land so it should be a lot of fun.  I'm sure, eventually, I'll start feeling good about how I'm looking.  I just wish my NSV's were a little bit more aesthetic than they have been.  Sorry this post is so whiny...I'm working on getting a more positive outlook going here.

Lap Band vs. Gastric Bypass

I know we've all gotten roped into the debate.  Non-surgical weight loss vs. WLS.  Bypass vs. Banding vs. Gastric sleeve.  A recent study makes the bold claim that Bypass is unequivocally better than Banding.  You can read about the study here.

The article I provided gives a pretty decent balance.  Most the articles in the mass media (Fox, MSNBC, ABC) make bold, sweeping statements basically saying how fantastic RNY is compared to Lapband.  My doctor (and I'm biased...because I LOVE my doctor) responded to this study and made some interesting points. You can read those here:

Push come to shove, I don't think they did a fair comparison.  They had a surgery center that performs more bypasses than anything else also perform the lap band procedures.  So the operating times were longer than it was for most of us and the participants were only given 3 fills in the year after banding as opposed to the average 6 that most people need.  I think we can all agree that the band does not work as well if it's not properly adjusted.  No matter how you look at it, it's not comparing apples to apples.  I think it's impossible to compare a highly intrusive surgery like Gastric Bypass that is permanent and requires a long recovery time to a laparoscopic procedure with mere days to recover like Banding.  And as we've seen from some our fellow bloggers, the fact that it's reversible is a huge benefit.  Also, they only went a year out.  We all know that after two years, the weight loss is about the same for both procedures - that's been proven time and time again.  We all have anecdotal stories about our gastric bypass friends who regained all their weight and the lapbander who ate around their band and never got it adjusted and never lost anything.  The point is - different strokes for different folks.  I hope anyone considering WLS will look at a number of studies and statistics before deciding on which procedure is right for them. 

So I said earlier, I love my doc and I do.  I was banded by Dr. Terry Simpson in Phoenix, AZ.  Some other bloggers use his little cartoons to talk about restriction and what not.  He only does lap band and he's fantastic.  I've liked him from the get-go.  He's always been so supportive and nonjudgey.  His office staff is really helpful and most of them are banded too.  I got that shoulder pain again yesterday and emailed him to ask about it.  He responded within the hour with what we had all kinda guessed it was about.  Here was his response:

Typically that comes from eating too fast - which stretches the pouch which irritates the diaphragm.

See when this is in relation to when you eat
But als0 -- see if it is related to activity- because this could also be signs of a heart attack.
Given the proximity to the fill, however, I would most likely suspect that you are eating too fast and things are sitting above your band.

So there you go.  I think the heart attack thing is just to avoid a law suit in case that is what the problem was but I'm pretty sure I'm not having a heart attack.  The main thing I wanted to stress with this was a) answer the shoulder pain question for me and others who were wondering and b) show how nice it is to have a responsive doctor.  In keeping with the theme of this post (I have another post coming later), when researching WLS, make sure you find the right doctor for you and if you decide on lap band...make sure you find a doctor that is all about the aftercare.  The aftercare is so important when you're talking about a band.  Dr. Simpson is also available via phone, facebook and has his own blog.  I highly recommend him to anyone in AZ looking for a lapband surgeon.

Getting off my soapbox now.  I'll have a less scientific and boring post later.  LOL. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Weigh In 3/14/11 - Stagnant

185.5.  0 lbs lost/gained over last week.  Hmmm....OK.  I have a pretty good idea of what did this.  Let's examine the evidence.  a) Girl scout cookies.  b) LOTS of bread.  c) Actually snacked on chips a couple different time this week.  d) Ate dinner twice on Saturday and finally e) A little water retention from dehydration brought on by too much alcohol.  There you have it.  A recipe for wasting a week's worth of progress.  *sigh*  Oh well.  All I can do is move on and try to do better this week.

Here's a pic my boss took at the team picnic.  This picture isn't too terrible but the rest of them sucked.  Just when I think I'm making progress...

Weekend was good.  Saturday, we took a family hike up South Mountain.  It was freakin' awesome.  I used to hike all the time in high school and somehow fell out of the habit.  Hubby and I are always saying we should start hiking again.  I mean, we live in a valley for goodness sake!  We had tried hiking with the girls before but they found it boring.  For some reason, not this time.  They loved it and want to do it again.  It also just really made us feel good to get out and do something active as a family.  I think this is one thing we're going to try to do on a more regular basis.  Here are my girls on top of a really big rock.  Sorry for the fuzziness - took it with Hubby's phone.

Saturday night, I went out with my BFF.  We had dinner at a cool little Irish pub that had fantastic Shepherd's Pie.  I only ate half but it was still too much I think.  Then we went to a piano bar on the same street.  They had a great happy hour and I'm afraid I've found a high calorie drink that I love - pineapple juice with mango or cherry vodka.  So good!  But I know there's too much sugar and calories in the pineapple juice.  Once we left there, we realized we needed to sober up a bit before driving home so we stopped in at Chili's (where diets go to die).  I ate a ridiculous number of chips w/salsa and then half an order of Southwest Eggrolls (Is it just me or are those the perfect food?).  So yes, folks, I ate 2 dinners Saturday night.  Eek!

Sunday morning, we got up and headed to the Chili Cook Off.  We went to a farmer's market that was there and got to sample all kinds of all natural goodies from hummus to salsa to peanut brittle.  We bought some local all natural honey that was just phenomenal.  I can tell you right now that if we didn't have money worries, I could've seriously gone crazy there with all the wholesome all natural food that was available.  Then we went and sampled all the chili.  Most of it was pretty good.  Some of it...not so much.  Then we went to the mall to let the kids run around and play on the little play thing in the middle and look at puppies in the pet shop.  This is one of our favorite things to do especially when the girls have had enough sun but still energy to burn.

This week, my focus is on eliminating the unnecessary snacking and sweet tooth indulgences and working out.  My goal is to hit the gym at least 5 times this week.  Sounds hefty, I know.  The girls are on spring break this week and my mom is watching them so it's a little easier getting there right after work as opposed to waiting around for the Kids Club to open.  The plan is 3 days of running, at least 1 day of weights and then Zumba on Saturday.  We shall see. 

So I have a blog post kinda rumbling around in my brain about how I feel about my progress, my rate of loss and my disappointment in the mirror.  I need to organize it though so it doesn't sound whiny.  I'll work on that and try to get it posted tomorrow.  My posts have seemed somewhat superficial lately..probably need to work on something a little more thought provoking.  Or not...we'll see.  LOL.

And for your Monday DEMotivation

Friday, March 11, 2011

Really Just a Friday Funny

I have nothing really to write about today, but it doesn't seem right not to post on a Friday.  I would do BYOC, but Draz has made it perverted and wrong (j/k - I know it's your minions followers that got you into trouble) and I just can't answer those questions.  Head over to her blog if you dare.  The team picnic went fine.  I made my plate first (since the hot dogs were ready before the burgers and this way I could eat slow without people noticing).  That was an NSV for me.  I've never wanted to approach food first in a group setting.  I could just hear everyone thinking "Oh look...of course, the fatty wants to eat first."  I couldn't handle it.  I didn't think twice about it yesterday though.  I had a hot dog with the bun, a spoonful (regular spoon - not serving spoon) of potato salad, 4 chips and 4 pieces of mango.  One coworker did make a comment about how little I was eating but I told her my plate was full (and technically it was...if a little spread out) and the same coworker was puzzled as to why I didn't drink anything.  They only had soda which I have done pretty well at abstaining from and I forgot my water.  I ate VERY slowly but everything went down and stayed down and didn't even feel uncomfortable.  SUCCESS!  I had a cupcake a little while after that and a bite of a cookie that wasn't very good so I threw it away.  Yes, I threw away a cookie...a chocolate chip cookie (my favorite).  But I like chewy cookies and this one was crunchy.  I've decided that if I'm going to indulge, it better be worth it and if it's not.  Oh well.  That's a big change for me.  I used to eat a cookie regardless of whether or not it was REALLY good because, well, it's a cookie for God's sake! that I see how much I ate at lunch, I'm wondering if I need a small fill?  I have a doctor's appointment on March 31st but I was going to cancel it because up until now I've felt my restriction is pretty good.  We'll see how the weekend goes and then decide. 

Wow.  I really rambled about that cookie, didn't I?  Anyways, no big plans for the weekend.  I'm going out with my BFF for a girls' night Saturday so I'm looking forward to that.  My hubby and I are thinking of taking the girls to a Chili Cook Off Sunday.  We'll see.  It's supposed to be sunny and warm this weekend and in the upper 80's.  A good time to be outside.  I think Spring has officially sprung in AZ. 

General blogger question - how do you make those nifty side by side comparison photos?  I have 7 lbs to figure out how to do it.  LOL. 

And now for the Friday Funny...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

5K Progress

I've gotten a few questions as to how my 5k training is progressing and what type of program I'm using since I've abandoned the Couch to 5K program.  I don't knock the 5k program.  I think it's worked for a lot of people.  For me, it's just too focused on how long to run and walk.  I obsess over it.  I also figured after watching Biggest Loser for 18 billion seasons and now I Used To Be Fat...if those fatties can run, by God, so can I.  I have no formal program at all.  Basically, I set the treadmill to the 5k setting which will adjust the incline as I go (currently only using Level 1 so it only adjusts once up to 2% and then back down).  I'm training based on the 5k distance because even doing Couch to 5k...if you're as slow as I can run nonstop for 30 minutes (by the end of the program) but it may not actually be 3.1 miles.  I need to know I can actually run the darn 5k, so I use the treadmill setting just so I know distance.  Then I start out walking for 2 minutes and then I jog for as long as I can before I feel like I'm going to die.  Yesterday this meant 27 minutes without stopping.  At 4.1 mph, this gets me to just about 2 miles and where the incline adjusts.  I then walk through the incline (about 4 minutes).  Then, again, I run as long as I can.  Obviously, I don't make it the whole way.  Unless it's through the incline, I never allow myself to walk for more than 2 minutes at a time.  By then my breathing has recovered and I can run a little more.  The C25k program says not to do it this way because you could cause injury or get burnt out, etc.  I have yet to wake up aching and sore after doing this.  I credit the stretching.  I do the stretching machine right after my run and I haven't had any soreness, muscle pulls, leg cramps, etc.  Knock on wood.  So there you have it.  How has this been working?  My time has improved each time so I call that progress.  Below are my personal bests since starting my own program.  Will I be able to finish the 5k in under 45 minutes?  Possibly but probably not.  Will I be able to at least jog the whole way without stopping?  MAYBE.  And if I do, I'm calling it a victory.

Times to Date (3.1 miles)
2/25/11 - 1.8 miles in 30 minutes
2/28/11 - 48:40
3/1/11 - 48:25
3/9/11 - 47:40

This made me laugh.  This had to have been a long time ago because I don't remember a time when Lane Bryant's prices were the same as "regular sized" clothes.

We have a team outing at work today.  I'm not real fond of these people while I'm at work, much less outside of it but it's an afternoon out of the office so I'll take it.  We're doing a picnic/cook out with hotdogs & hamburgers.  Only my boss and 1 co-worker know I'm banded so I'm going to be extra careful, chew, chew, chew and hope I don't get stuck.  Wish me luck!

Tonight, we have a conference at my oldest daughter's school.  It's where my daughter actually takes us through some of the activities she does throughout the day (sort of a "A Day in the Life of").  Should be interesting.  So I leave you with a picture I snapped real quick of my girls at the doctor.  They're getting so big!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Wow!  Thanks for all the comments yesterday!  It's so nice to have people truly understand how good it feels when something like that happens.  My always-been-thin friends would be like "Great??"

OK...I don't talk about it much on my blog or even in "real life" really, but I'm Catholic.  Born and raised.  Now, I'm not fact, I think in Catholic terms, I'm a bad Catholic.  Other Catholics hate me because I'm the one who shows up on Easter, Christmas, Ash Wednesday and clog the parking lots, causing a standing-room-only situation inside when they normally don't have to deal with that many people.  I'm a holiday Catholic...I admit.  Both my girls have been baptized but I'm afraid I haven't enrolled them in Sunday School yet and I've really gotta get on that.  Why, you ask?  Because the one thing I do have a lot of is Catholic guilt. 

So anywayz...the Catholic season of Lent is upon us and it's a time where some people fast and all of us don't eat meat on Fridays.  Usually, something else is sacrificed for these 40 days and 40 nights.  I've had all kinds of sacrifices over the years...chocolate (did the best I could), all sweets (ever notice how Lent falls right around girl scout cookie time?), alcohol, caffeine and road rage.  So I came up with a few ideas this was giving up sarcasm.  Then I figured it'd be easier taking a vow of silence so I scratched that idea.  So without further ado...the two I'm going with:
  1. No more cussing.
  2. No more talking bad about people.
I feel I should offer clarification.  It's not like I run around talking like a sailor and cussing people out.  But I have noticed that as my kids have gotten older, I'm not as good about it as I should be and I'm starting to hear my adorable little 5 and 3 year olds repeat some choice words throughout the day.  I thought about doing a cuss jar but I don't think I can afford it.  Just kiddin' but seriously...not doing a cuss jar.

As for the talking bad about people.  I'm catty.  Not in a "OMG! Did you see what she was wearing?" kind of way but more in a "How stupid can you be?" kind of way.  I'm considering anytime I've called another driver an "idiot" to be saying something bad about someone and calling my coworkers "incompetent" as well.  This is gonna be tough folks because to be honest, I feel that most of the time, what I'm saying is true.  However, it's not productive.  Maybe I'll be able to exist in a more Zen like state if I can let go of some of these things and not allow other people to affect me on that kind of level or take me to Negative Town.

So there you go.  Stuff I'm giving up for Lent.  Exciting stuff, isn't it?  I know a lot of other bloggers struggle with what to write about some days.  Judging from this post, I'm no exception.  LOL.  For the record, I did NOT do my 5k training at home on Monday.  Who else saw that coming?  I'm making my way to the gym today to get back to it.  I only have 17 days until my 5k...not a lot of time...not sure if it's enough time, but I'm going to do my best.  Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

NSV At 4:30 A.M.

So I couldn't decide what to wear this morning.  Here it is 4:30 in the morning, I've only got a half hour to get ready for work and I'm standing in my closet at a complete loss.  Nothing I had was striking me as something that would get me through the day.  So I had this little conversation with myself:

Me: Self, if I have to wear those black or gray pants one more time...I'm gonna shoot myself in the effin' head.
Self: So wear a skirt.  You never wear skirts anymore. You used to always wear skirts.  For the first year you dated your husband, he only saw you in skirts.
Me: Seriously, you're going to start this now.  You know none of my skirts fit.
Self: When was the last time you tried one on?
Me: (scratching my head in wonder)  I don't know....
Self:  What are you...chicken? 
Me:  Really?
Self:  Bock, Bock, Bock (walking around in my head in classic chicken pecking posture)...  Well, you better go find your pants then.  Clock's atickin'
Me:  *sigh*  Argh!  Fine!

And so I tried one on, size 16...a skirt that even when I did wear it, it was with Spanx or some equally restricting-had-to-be-invented-by-a-male-thinning device.  And IT FIT....And no Spanx required....AND it's even a little big.    Then came the issue of finding a shirt...I did.  A cute little black one that I haven't worn in FOREVER because it shows off my back fat.  Not anymore (at least in my sleepy stupor this morning - I'm sure when I look in the restroom mirror at work, I'll notice the back fat again).  I'm sure I'll get the whole "Why are you so dressed up today?" lines at work today and I hate answering things like that because it makes me feel like I dress like a slob the rest of the time, but I don't care because, Lord help me, I'm wearing a size 16 skirt and it's a little too big!

So I've decided I'm going to post progress pics when I get 50 lbs down.  Only 7 to go... so y'all will just have to wait.  LOL.  My NSV almost made me forget about this horrible sinus headache I've had since yesterday but now that I'm work, I'm reminded and almost nauseous from it.  Ugh.  I just took something...hopefully it'll go away (then again, I took something last night too but it didn't help).  It can't last forever.  Hope you're all having a good Tuesday.
What NSV's have you experienced lately?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Weigh In 3/7/11

185.5.  That's -1.5 lbs from last week.  I can't tell you how thrilled I am with this number considering how I ate this weekend.  I had cake Saturday AND Sunday, for goodness sake! 

This weekend was really nice.  Friday, my husband and I saw Just Go With It.  I actually enjoyed it...not your typical Adam Sandler flick (although a lot of the usual suspects are in it).  It was definitely more of a romantic comedy but my hubby enjoyed it too.  Great date flick.  We ate movie theater popcorn and I even got an icee but only drank about a quarter of it.  I don't remember those being so sweet. LOL.  Then we went for some drinks and then to a party my hubby's friends threw for him.  We had a great time and it was nice not having to worry about picking the girls up and getting them into bed.  Saturday, we picked up the girls and they had helped my mom bake a cake for sweet.  Then he got to open his presents.  We got him 4 spring training tickets to a Reds vs. Diamondbacks game so he'll get to see his two favorite teams play at spring training and it's something we get to do as a family.  I also got him a signed copy of his favorite author's new book.  He loved it.  I felt like I did well with the gifts this year.  I'm pretty sure he loved them both.  We took the girls to the park both Saturday and Sunday, ran some errands and just kind of hung out.  Pretty lazy weekend overall. 

I have an ultrasound today just to ensure that there's nothing specifically causing some of the problems I've been having lately.  So no gym for me today since they screwed up my appointment and got me in at quite the inconvenient time.  I'm going to attempt to do my 5k training on the treadmill at home tonight.  We'll see if I can stay motivated enough to do it.  For some reason, I have a REALLY hard time working out at home.  Seems like if I have to actually GO to a gym, I'm more likely to do it.  If I make plans to work out at home, I find other things I think I should do or I just get lazy.  Anyone else have that issue?

And now for your Monday DEMotivation...

Friday, March 4, 2011

Thanks & Weekend Fun

Thanks for all the thoughts ladies.  Well, the shoulder pain is gone.  I think Amanda may have called it when she talked about pain when she eats too much.  I got the pain after my last fill, and while I don't think I ate too much, I think I might've pushed the fill a little too soon.  I KNOW I ate too much on Wednesday so it kinda makes sense.  Just another motivation to watch my portions. 

As for the other problem, I'm getting feedback that it's due to the weight loss and will eventually work itself.  I sure hope so.  Just pros and cons of losing weight, I guess. 

I have planned cheats all through this weekend so I'm hoping to just hold steady come Monday morning.  Today is my husband's birthday so I'm taking a half day and we're seeing a movie, grabbing dinner and then going to a party his friends are throwing for him.  My mom was kind enough to take the girls overnight so we're having a long overdue adult's night out.  Should be fun.  My hubby has been doing so well with eating and stuff that we decided this weekend would just be a he "can eat what he wants" weekend.  I'm being supportive.  LOL.  But I'm going to watch the portions as I don't want that shoulder pain coming back.  We're doing the family birthday thing on Saturday and not sure about Sunday yet.  That's about it in my world so as always, I leave you with a Friday Funny.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Help From Bandsters Please!


OK...So I'm having a couple issues and I'm not sure if they are band-related or not.  So...I need some advice from all you bandsters out there.  My first issue is shoulder pain.  A few weeks ago, I had pain that seemed to start on the left side of my neck and then stretch to my shoulder (into my shoulder blade) and down my arm.  I'm 6 months out of surgery so this isn't like residual gas pain and I don't know that it's even band related at all.  It's just odd that the pain seems to come out of nowhere.  The first time I got it was just after my last fill.  Then it went away and now it started yesterday (no fill).  Any thoughts?  Or have you heard of something like this being band related?  I haven't seen a doctor about it yet (mostly because I don't like going to the doctor) but am seriously considering it at this point.

The second issue I'm having (and I apologize to my 3 guy followers can skip this paragraph) is an abnormally long period.  I'm on birth control so my periods have always been pretty easy to predict.  Since I had my last daughter 3 years ago, they're very heavy but still only last a few days.  However, this one has lasted 3 weeks.  One week was like a normal one and the last two weeks have been lighter but still there and it seems to come and go (???).  Lots of clots and stuff like that.  Ewww..I'm grossing myself out just talking about it.  Anyway, has anyone heard of this?  I just had my annual exam last month and the pap and blood work came back normal.  I'm looking into permanent birth control options so the doc ordered a sonogram as pre-op testing but I haven't gotten it yet.  Needless to say that this isn't only annoying but seriously starting to get in the way of my life.  Not only am I dealing with the physical thing, but my hubby is probably sick of me being in a perpetual state of PMS.  Again, any experience with this would be helpful.

OK...rounding it back out to normal things.  I did my workout yesterday but because of the shoulder pain, it was terrible... I only made it 2 miles.  Then it dawned on me, I just said "I only made it 2 miles."  In a 1/2 hour.  Only 2 miles?!?!  This is someone who was seriously winded after just a 1 mile not too long ago and here I am almost jogging an entire 2 miles in a 1/2 hour and I'm complaining about that?!?!  Who am I?  It made me feel kinda awesome that I'm beginning to feel so much stronger and fit and that I'm bummed when I can't get my full 3 miles in.  Total NSV there. 

Food question:  Anyone know how long it takes fish to thaw?  We took out 2 cod fillets yesterday to thaw in the fridge and they were still frozen solid when I went to bed last night.  Crazy!

So those are my issues for today.  Again, I don't know what I would do without all of you!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday Ramblings

I did my 5k training last night and shaved 15 seconds off my time.  3.1 miles in 48:25.  It's a small improvement but I'll take it.  I find that trashy reality TV helps immensely with the whole running thing.  I don't focus on the time nearly as much.  So what am I going to do when I actually have to start training outside??  Hmmm....

So as I was getting out of the shower yesterday, I was checking myself out in the mirror and I gotta tell ya...I wasn't impressed.  For losing 40+ lbs, I just don't see it.  I don't think this is body dysmorphic disorder or anything like that.  I really just think the way I carry my weight is annoying.  I've always said that I don't think I LOOKED as heavy as I WAS.  Now I look exactly as heavy as I am which is virtually the same as I looked before.  I've lost weight in my fingers (seriously?  who cares?), my feet, a little in my legs but I still have this giant gut.  It's driving me absolutely crazy.  I'm convinced it was the childbirth that did this to me.  Unfortunately, now I'm having thoughts like "Why bother continuing to lose weight if you're still going to look like a pot bellied pig when it's all said and done?"  I've got serious apron type belly thing going on and it SUCKS.  This is what's keeping me from buying new clothes at this point also.   Like all good fatties, a good amount of my wardrobe is elastic based, meaning I can still wear pretty much everything I own.  Does it look baggy?  Absolutely.  Will I fit in a size smaller?  I honestly don't know and I'm too scared to go look.  Even if pants fit in the legs, will I be able to get it up over this ridiculously saggy belly?  OK, OK...I know we all say we're losing weight to be healthier and live longer and be around for our kids, blah, blah, blah.  But I think we're all lying if we say vanity doesn't have ANYTHING to do with it.  Do I want to lose weight to avoid having heart disease and diabetes like my dad?  Of course.  Do I also want to turn into a hot mommy goddess in the process?  DUH!  Of course!  OK...enough of that.

So why is it that right when your kid are starting to seem healthy, they get something else that causes a trip to the doctor and the corresponding co-pay?  Both my girls have a skin irritation that won't go away.  My youngest has had one on her leg for over a month.  Before you give me the "bad mommy" speech for not taking her to the doctor earlier.  At first, it seemed like a bite and then right when I was ready to take her to the doctor, it would look like it was improving.  Back and forth it went.  Now my oldest has something similar on her eyelid and that appears to be getting worse.  So that's what we get to do this afternoon.  Oh joy. 

Otherwise, a pretty normal kind of week.  Having some body image issues...pushing through it for working out's sake...watching the Charlie Sheen train wreck because I just can't help myself... you know... the same ol', same ol'.  Hope everything is going well out there in Blogland.