Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday Ramblings

I did my 5k training last night and shaved 15 seconds off my time.  3.1 miles in 48:25.  It's a small improvement but I'll take it.  I find that trashy reality TV helps immensely with the whole running thing.  I don't focus on the time nearly as much.  So what am I going to do when I actually have to start training outside??  Hmmm....

So as I was getting out of the shower yesterday, I was checking myself out in the mirror and I gotta tell ya...I wasn't impressed.  For losing 40+ lbs, I just don't see it.  I don't think this is body dysmorphic disorder or anything like that.  I really just think the way I carry my weight is annoying.  I've always said that I don't think I LOOKED as heavy as I WAS.  Now I look exactly as heavy as I am which is virtually the same as I looked before.  I've lost weight in my fingers (seriously?  who cares?), my feet, a little in my legs but I still have this giant gut.  It's driving me absolutely crazy.  I'm convinced it was the childbirth that did this to me.  Unfortunately, now I'm having thoughts like "Why bother continuing to lose weight if you're still going to look like a pot bellied pig when it's all said and done?"  I've got serious apron type belly thing going on and it SUCKS.  This is what's keeping me from buying new clothes at this point also.   Like all good fatties, a good amount of my wardrobe is elastic based, meaning I can still wear pretty much everything I own.  Does it look baggy?  Absolutely.  Will I fit in a size smaller?  I honestly don't know and I'm too scared to go look.  Even if pants fit in the legs, will I be able to get it up over this ridiculously saggy belly?  OK, OK...I know we all say we're losing weight to be healthier and live longer and be around for our kids, blah, blah, blah.  But I think we're all lying if we say vanity doesn't have ANYTHING to do with it.  Do I want to lose weight to avoid having heart disease and diabetes like my dad?  Of course.  Do I also want to turn into a hot mommy goddess in the process?  DUH!  Of course!  OK...enough of that.

So why is it that right when your kid are starting to seem healthy, they get something else that causes a trip to the doctor and the corresponding co-pay?  Both my girls have a skin irritation that won't go away.  My youngest has had one on her leg for over a month.  Before you give me the "bad mommy" speech for not taking her to the doctor earlier.  At first, it seemed like a bite and then right when I was ready to take her to the doctor, it would look like it was improving.  Back and forth it went.  Now my oldest has something similar on her eyelid and that appears to be getting worse.  So that's what we get to do this afternoon.  Oh joy. 

Otherwise, a pretty normal kind of week.  Having some body image issues...pushing through it for working out's sake...watching the Charlie Sheen train wreck because I just can't help myself... you know... the same ol', same ol'.  Hope everything is going well out there in Blogland.


Lynda said...

Hot Mommy Goddess!!!

Ronnie said...

You're not a bad mommy, I don't take my kids to the doctor unless they're sick for more than two days. I'M horrible. Unless it's a fever, then all bets are off. :(

And I have that apron, too. It's never gonna go away. HATE IT! I mean, I know it's cuz we carried babies in our bodies, but seriously. It's gonna suck when I get to goal and mine's down to my knees. :(

Leslie said...

I haven't had kids yet and I still have the belly problems. Blah. I just try to repeat to myself that I'm getting healthy and this is what this is all about it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

Keep up the good work!

Drazil said...

Charlie Sheen is nutso. If they both have it - it could be impetigo. Hope they feel better soon. Oh and by the way - I don't feel like I look like what I weigh either - so I get your frustation.

Amanda said...

You silly girl! In response to my blog comment. But I know how you feel. I am really afraid the pictures will not look any different. But I know KNOW there has been changes for the better..for both of us!