Friday, March 18, 2011

BYOC & Binging

BYOC first, then I'll talk about binging (cuz I know you all are dying to know about my binging)

It’s BYOC Friday – Bring Your Own Crazy! Five little questions – some funny, some serious – that you can copy and paste to your blog. We do this in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Enjoy!

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?

• Yes.  I'm almost halfway to goal and I still feel fat.  I see improvement but I still have a long way to go.  I'm not sure if I'll ever feel "un"fat because I can't remember a time where I didn't feel fat.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.

• 7th grade.  My first boyfriend.  I always seemed to date skinny, geeky guys.  Go figure.  It was at a school dance and I remember thinking I was really hot stuff. Then I got all mad because my best frenemy found out and then ran out and had her first kiss the same night so she wouldn't be upstaged.  *sigh*

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?

• Yikes!  I'm laid back when it comes to cleaning and stuff until it gets so bad I'm tripping over stuff and then I freak out.  I hate being argued with or sassed at and that's usually when I lose it.  I yell too much and I think sometimes I expect too much out of my girls when they're still so young.  I read to my kids and sing them a song every night.  I'm a cuddler.  I'm not a sit on the floor and play with them kind of mom but I wish I were.  I try to see the humor in what they do and not be too rigid.  I don't think I really have a style.  I'm definitely not one of those moms that relishes in motherhood.  The ones who make their own baby food and can feel the awe and wonder of child rearing in everything they do.  I envy those people.  I feel like every day I'm learning what it's like to be a parent and I don't know if you ever feel like you've got it down.

4. How would your best friend describe you?

• Sarcastic, loud and opinionated.  I'm pretty sure every best friend I've ever had (including my husband) would agree on those basic 3.  You know what?  They're right.  I think they'd also call me loyal and sometimes overly sensitive.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In real life – So so.  Family was sick this week.  Makes it more difficult to be me.  Everyone's starting to feel healthy again so I'm hoping for a good weekend.  Eating sucked but exercise was good.  Blogland... pretty good.  Getting some feelings out.  Lots of posting going on.  Good news, bad news...keeps it interesting.  Always so amazed at the amount of support that can be found here for all kinds of things that get you down.

And now for binging.  This week hasn't been great.  I'm dealing with self image issues (let's not go there again) and some family stuff (my mom) and some marriage stuff.  And I reverted to old habits.  Remember when I said I'm not an emotional eater?  I lied...BIG TIME.  Last night, I didn't care.  I didn't care that I didn't make it to the gym for strength training.  I didn't care that I'm only 7 lbs away from 50 down.  I didn't care that I have a 5k coming up that I need to be in better shape for.  I wanted food...lots of it.  And I didn't want veggies or anything grilled.  I wanted fried stuff.  I wanted to eat and eat and eat and feel...better.  And I did...sort of.  What made this slip up even worse is that I dragged my hubby down with me.  He'd been doing so well with his eating (which I PROMISE I will go into our whole "primal lifestyle" thing in a future post).  But his not feeling well coupled with my apathy pushed him over and he indulged with me.  We went to Jack in the Box.  I ordered egg rolls, stuffed jalapenos and a mint oreo shake.'s where I have to thank my band.  Preband, this binge would've been a burger, fries, coke, 2 tacos or eggrolls and a large shake and I would've eaten all of it.  Last night I had 1/2 an eggroll, 3 stuffed jalapenos and 1/2 a regular sized shake.  I was stuffed.  Couldn't eat another bite.  Of course, today I feel crappy and guilty and a lot of self loathing.  But I ate A LOT less than I would've preband so I'm grateful for that.  I realize that I need to work on not eating my feelings and admit that I possibly have a food addiction problem (What can I say?  I'm a little slow on the upswing).  It helps to know that when I slip, I have this little band to help me not go too far overboard.

So on to the gym tonight.  I feel 45 minutes coming on!  Zumba tomorrow.  Yay!  Cleaning house this weekend.  Gotta get my place picked up...looks terrible.  I may even start my taxes.  And, of course, I leave you with a Friday Funny.


Ronnie said...

Today's a new day - no guilt! :)

Drazil said...

Ugh - sorry about the binging...I do however, love your BYOC answers.

Stacey said...

It's great that, even though it was not a large amount of food, you recognized that it was binge behavior and are determined to be honest about it and move forward. Huge step forward. Congrats.

amandakiska said...

It happens and it sounds like you didn't do too bad considering!

Sam said...

That is one thing I love about the band :o) Even when we go over the deep end, it does put a leash on us and stop us from doing too much damage. I see it as a helping hand while we get a hold on our emotions behind the eating.

Good luck :o)

Amanda said...

HEY!! Thanks for cracking up at my kid friendly week lady!! Lol.

Honestly I am sure it could have been worse. I do love the kid and all! :)
Honestly it was the PBing and stuff that was difficult. I just thought I was rushing around eating!! Boo.

I think you and I are similar on a lot of levels, MandaPanda. I am going to keep reminding you that you are human and look how far you've come! Even in the darkest times this tool that we have chosen to help us actually does help! Lets call them band friendly binges!

Next week is another week!

~Lisa~ said...

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to be - all we can do is live with today!

I loved the "make baby food" comment! The only time I made "baby food" was when the Hubs was in law school, I was broke and decided to mash up stew in the blender for the little one - it looked like something.. well, we won't go there! I gagged, but he seemed to enjoy it - I never did that again!

Mommyto3andahusky said...

Love your blog! I am your newest follower! :) Erin