Thursday, March 5, 2015

A New Journey?

My band was removed Monday, February 23rd.  Avery unceremonious way to end a 5 year journey.  I highly recommend if your band needs to be removed (and you're not revising the same day), try to find a doctor who can do it endoscopically.  Other than having a REALLY sore throat for a few days, no stitches, no incisions, no staples, no cutting.  I felt really good.  It's interesting to take a pill and not worry about it getting stuck.  It's weird to be able to drink carbonated beverages again.  I had my first beer in 4 years and it was GLORIOUS.  It's weird that it's gone and other than those little things, I don't feel any different.

Not unsurprisingly, I can eat anything and as much of it as I want.  And I am.  Despite my best efforts, I just can't seem to stay on track.  I need to bite the bullet and purge my house of any unhealthy food.  I need to FORCE myself to go the gym.  But going to the gym hurts.  It's hard on my knees, my lungs, my ankles, my arms and it hurts.  I remember it hurting.  I also remember it NOT hurting after a year of going religiously and taking 2 classes a night just because I wanted to challenge myself.  I remember it NOT hurting to walk miles and miles or even run a few of them.  I remember it NOT hurting to lift heavy things and lift my body weight on a rope.  I don't know what hurts most now…my pride or the joints.

I have decided to attempt to get insurance approval to a revision to a gastric sleeve.  I was unsure of how I felt about undergoing yet another weight loss surgery.  The lap band was my "last ditch effort" after everything else had failed and as invasive as I was willing to go.  And it failed.  I failed.  I think a part of me believed I didn't deserve another chance of getting help with this.  A part of me believed that I now needed to sink or swim on my own because even surgery couldn't help.  It was illogical, I realize that but I think I was punishing myself.  I'm done with that.  I need help.  I'm not saying I could never do it completely on my own but I remember how good it was having help.  I want help again.  My current insurance does cover a revision but I have to jump through all the same hoops as I had previously.  I have to do a psych eval, dietary evaluation (nutritionist) and a nutritional class to talk about preop/postop diets.  I have to prove my diet history and have all my records faxed over again.  Doc wants to let the stomach heal from the erosion for at least 4 months.  That gives me plenty of time to jump through the hoops.

I'm actually not holding out much hope that insurance will pay for it.  I had to fight like hell the first time and I don't think I have that much fight left in me but it's worth a shot.  I'm going to do all I can do.  It's a new and different journey.  But as long as I'm walking down a path, I'm going to hope it's the right one.