Tuesday, July 9, 2013

First Time At The Gym

In 8 Months. But we'll get back to that.

****WARNING:  This will be a whiny, annoying, self pitying and downer kind of post.  If anyone still reads this blog, feel free to skip this and come back in a few months when I might post again since I apparently can't stick with it for any amount of time anymore. ***************

I need to vent.  It's not all weight loss related so it's going to seem rather random.  So here goes...bullet style.

  • I'm fat....again.  I'm back up to 182.  I did the pouch test and lost like 8 lbs.  I went to San Francisco and have been eating like crap ever since and am back up to 182.  I am heavier than I have been in 2 years.
  • Worst fears feel like they're being realized.  We all worry that we're the ones the lapband won't work for...that even if we lose the weight, we'll gain it back.  I'm gaining it back and it scares me to death.
  • For the first time in 2 years, I almost didn't want to go out for a night on the town because I felt fat in everything I put on.  I LOOKED fat in everything I put on.  Emotional breakdown in the closet.  Maybe I had forgotten what that felt like?
  • My size 12's are tight and not looking good.  I can zip them up and can squeeze into the shirts but I'm back to baggy stuff I wore at the beginning of all this.  I understand that was still 50 lbs ago but the psyche is jacked up.
  • Hubby and I have been having problems.  We were in marriage counselling for a couple months but it didn't seem that beneficial.  We still have stuff to work on.  Things are better and none of our issues were that big but it still weighs on me.
  • My job SUCKS big fat donkey balls.  My stupid boss has become even dumber and has thrown me under the bus creating a not so great work life.  Do I love working from home?  Yes.  Is the money good?  Yes.  But at what point does it become a quality of life issue?
  • I'm lonely.  I love Florida and where we live now but I have no friends and work from home.  Introverted by nature, it's tough to meet people in crowded circumstances.  Right now I've got the perfect recipe for becoming a hermit and a hoarder.  Watch may see me on A&E.
  • Feminine issue has reared its ugly head again.  Aunt Flo decided to come for a visit and stick around for 3 1/2 weeks.  I went to the doc and it looks like a partial hysterectomy is my future.  Fun.
There.  I feel better.  It's not all bad.  Gotta turn this around so some positive bullets.
  • I've started back at the gym...for the first time in 8 months.  The community we moved into has a free exercise room type thing at the pool.  It's not great and I don't love it.  But it'll work in getting back into a groove.  Day 1 down and I am freakin' sore.  I don't like starting over but starting over I am.  I go back tonight.
  • Yesterday was also Day 1 of paleo eating.  It felt good to eat real food again.
  • I'm looking into maybe getting a real estate license.  It's completely different from anything I've ever done before and for some reason, I think it might be something I'm good at.  Luckily, Hubby's job has provided some flexibility.
  • The only good thing about a hysterectomy is time off work.  Maybe an extended break is all I really need.
  • Hubby's job is going really well.  He's gotten a promotion already!  We actually have a savings account and we actually put money into it!
  • We bought our first ever new car.  I got a brand new 2013 Jeep Wrangler and I LURV IT!!!
  • Overall, we've carved out a nice little life for ourselves so some pictures to prove no particular order.
Birthday gifts from Hubby.  The paper on the bottom is a kayaking tour!

Gifts from AZ ladies I worked with.  So sweet!

Me and my new baby!

My oldest turned 8 and decided since we live in FL she wanted an alligator cake.  Mmmmkay...

Big girl also got her ears pierced.

Night out at St. Augustine for my birthday.

Hubby, Me and my new bff out here.  She lives next door.  Convenient, no?

Part of Maddie's birthday was a dolphin tour.


Jeanette said...

Still here reading! Love that your husband gave you a kayaking trip for your birthday - how fun!!

Run, Chelle, Run! said...

I'm glad to see you've posted, even if you are feeling frustrated these days. Sending good thoughts your way - and by the way, that's a heck of a cake! Did you make that?!

♥ Drazil ♥ said...

I miss you here...and while I hate that you're sad - it's good to know that all of us women go through the same fears and pains. You aren't going to gain it back because my dear - you went back to the gym. I would love to work from home but seriously - it'd be mentally dangerous for me. Social anxiety and introvert and working from home do NOT mix. I'd be in a deep depression in a matter or weeks. I'm sorry you are hurting - but you are not alone. I hope you know that.

Jules said...

Glad to see you back, though I'm sad you're sad! I love what Drazil said, so true, we all go through the same fears and pains. Day 1 will lead to 2, 3, 4, 5... you got it! It's so cool that you've become BFF's with your neighbor! So cool! Get her to go walking with you, or to the gym or pool with you! Happy Belated birthday!

Lots of love and hugs!

Vanessa said...

Awesome Jeep - and kick ass B-day Gifts! Good luck on the paleo plan!

Elizabeth said...

I am sorry you are sad!!! love the car and you look great!! Call anytime :) xoxox

speck said...

I could have written that first part easily. I too have gained weight. We work our asses off and damned if we don't put it back on.

I love your honesty and I feel sure it helps the next blogger.

I love how you told the not so great things but finished with positivity. :)

Keep on keeping on. I think you are doing great.

speck said...

by the way, I love your blog design!

Dotti Johnson said...

Woot, woot! Love the Jeep (I'm a Jeep girl myself). Make sure you hit the dirt in that thing!