Hit to the Self Image

Feeling a little dumpy  here.  Allow  me to set the scene...  My boss  is about 5'1" and  90 lbs.  She teaches kickboxing and spin  classes in her free time.  She'll be called SB1 (Skinny Bitch #1) for this post.  A teammate of mine is 5'4" and maybe 100 lbs.  She runs marathons, relays and trail runs often and I'll refer to her as SB2.  My other teammate is 5'4" and probably knocking  at 300 lbs (I have no idea what to call  her so we'll  just go with Patty).  SB1 and SB2 are constantly talking about the different events they're doing, antics from their  gyms,  hikes with so-and-so, etc.  Patty and I are completely left out of these conversations as if we do nothing active at all.  Fine.  Whatever.  SB2 is extremely competitive and I would hate to do any of these events with her.  She's hardcore.  Another lady we worked with recently did a marathon and SB2's advice to her was  "Remember... if you're  not throwing up, you're not trying."  Mmmmmkay.  SB1 is like an evangelical fitness guru who believes her main mission in life is to convert all fat people to live a gluten free, active lifestyle by basically treating everyone as if they're nutritional idiots.  Basically, I just avoid any health topics with her because overall I disagree with her on most of her  nutritional advice (outside of the gluten).

So yesterday, Patty and I were working on pulling  some reporting at Patty's desk and SB1 goes into SB2's desk and grabs a candy bar and tells us "By the way, I brought candy in today...help yourself."  I said, "Thanks but I already had the cupcake you brought in today for breakfast. "  It was kind  of a joke but she starts in on how it's all just math...calories in/calories out, blah, blah, blah.  Then how she and SB2 eat junk all day but it's OK because they burn it off every day.  Patty feels the  need to defend her obesity by spouting off her history and how it's got to be a "biological issue."  After listening to her, maybe it is but whatever.  I don't really care about  her  situation.  So SB1 just starts in with you just have to start moving and that  if we want her to work out a eating and exercise plan for her, it wouldn't be a problem.  She keeps going on and on about all these things Patty and I should be doing to lose weight and "get healthy."

The whole conversation hit me very hard.  All of the sudden, I was back in high school/college...back to the "fat one" of the group.  Back to feeling that I'm the largest, most unattractive thing in the room.  Don't get me wrong... I understand reality.  I understand that Patty is twice my size.  I get that.  I also get that the information was PROBABLY mostly for her as opposed to me but it's not the first time SB1 has gone off on these little health tangents with me.  But as I said, she talks about it all the time to SB2 also...just doesn't seem as condescending when she does it.  I'm still just another fat girl that some skinny girl has to pity, feel sorry for, help, save, whatever.  In a 10 minute conversation, I went from thinking I'm looking pretty good these days to thinking I'm a fat slob.  I know I'm still  overweight.  I know I'm not a "normal" weight but I was FEELING normal.  I was FEELING like I blended in with everyone else.  I know I shouldn't let one condescending fitness freak annihilate my self esteem like that but I admit it stung.

Today I'm working  from home.  No, I'm not hiding  from SB1.  This is purely for transportation reasons.  I'm hoping the car is fixed by the end of the day so we can get back on track.  Washer and dryer was installed yesterday.  Looks nice but  haven't tried it yet and so far, the  toilet seems to be working  OK.  Maybe all  my problems will be solved by the weekend.  We can hope.