Thursday, February 16, 2012
Hit to the Self Image
So yesterday, Patty and I were working on pulling some reporting at Patty's desk and SB1 goes into SB2's desk and grabs a candy bar and tells us "By the way, I brought candy in today...help yourself." I said, "Thanks but I already had the cupcake you brought in today for breakfast. " It was kind of a joke but she starts in on how it's all just math...calories in/calories out, blah, blah, blah. Then how she and SB2 eat junk all day but it's OK because they burn it off every day. Patty feels the need to defend her obesity by spouting off her history and how it's got to be a "biological issue." After listening to her, maybe it is but whatever. I don't really care about her situation. So SB1 just starts in with you just have to start moving and that if we want her to work out a eating and exercise plan for her, it wouldn't be a problem. She keeps going on and on about all these things Patty and I should be doing to lose weight and "get healthy."
The whole conversation hit me very hard. All of the sudden, I was back in high school/college...back to the "fat one" of the group. Back to feeling that I'm the largest, most unattractive thing in the room. Don't get me wrong... I understand reality. I understand that Patty is twice my size. I get that. I also get that the information was PROBABLY mostly for her as opposed to me but it's not the first time SB1 has gone off on these little health tangents with me. But as I said, she talks about it all the time to SB2 also...just doesn't seem as condescending when she does it. I'm still just another fat girl that some skinny girl has to pity, feel sorry for, help, save, whatever. In a 10 minute conversation, I went from thinking I'm looking pretty good these days to thinking I'm a fat slob. I know I'm still overweight. I know I'm not a "normal" weight but I was FEELING normal. I was FEELING like I blended in with everyone else. I know I shouldn't let one condescending fitness freak annihilate my self esteem like that but I admit it stung.
Today I'm working from home. No, I'm not hiding from SB1. This is purely for transportation reasons. I'm hoping the car is fixed by the end of the day so we can get back on track. Washer and dryer was installed yesterday. Looks nice but haven't tried it yet and so far, the toilet seems to be working OK. Maybe all my problems will be solved by the weekend. We can hope.