Progress

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Hit to the Self Image

Feeling a little dumpy  here.  Allow  me to set the scene...  My boss  is about 5'1" and  90 lbs.  She teaches kickboxing and spin  classes in her free time.  She'll be called SB1 (Skinny Bitch #1) for this post.  A teammate of mine is 5'4" and maybe 100 lbs.  She runs marathons, relays and trail runs often and I'll refer to her as SB2.  My other teammate is 5'4" and probably knocking  at 300 lbs (I have no idea what to call  her so we'll  just go with Patty).  SB1 and SB2 are constantly talking about the different events they're doing, antics from their  gyms,  hikes with so-and-so, etc.  Patty and I are completely left out of these conversations as if we do nothing active at all.  Fine.  Whatever.  SB2 is extremely competitive and I would hate to do any of these events with her.  She's hardcore.  Another lady we worked with recently did a marathon and SB2's advice to her was  "Remember... if you're  not throwing up, you're not trying."  Mmmmmkay.  SB1 is like an evangelical fitness guru who believes her main mission in life is to convert all fat people to live a gluten free, active lifestyle by basically treating everyone as if they're nutritional idiots.  Basically, I just avoid any health topics with her because overall I disagree with her on most of her  nutritional advice (outside of the gluten).

So yesterday, Patty and I were working on pulling  some reporting at Patty's desk and SB1 goes into SB2's desk and grabs a candy bar and tells us "By the way, I brought candy in today...help yourself."  I said, "Thanks but I already had the cupcake you brought in today for breakfast. "  It was kind  of a joke but she starts in on how it's all just math...calories in/calories out, blah, blah, blah.  Then how she and SB2 eat junk all day but it's OK because they burn it off every day.  Patty feels the  need to defend her obesity by spouting off her history and how it's got to be a "biological issue."  After listening to her, maybe it is but whatever.  I don't really care about  her  situation.  So SB1 just starts in with you just have to start moving and that  if we want her to work out a eating and exercise plan for her, it wouldn't be a problem.  She keeps going on and on about all these things Patty and I should be doing to lose weight and "get healthy."

The whole conversation hit me very hard.  All of the sudden, I was back in high school/college...back to the "fat one" of the group.  Back to feeling that I'm the largest, most unattractive thing in the room.  Don't get me wrong... I understand reality.  I understand that Patty is twice my size.  I get that.  I also get that the information was PROBABLY mostly for her as opposed to me but it's not the first time SB1 has gone off on these little health tangents with me.  But as I said, she talks about it all the time to SB2 also...just doesn't seem as condescending when she does it.  I'm still just another fat girl that some skinny girl has to pity, feel sorry for, help, save, whatever.  In a 10 minute conversation, I went from thinking I'm looking pretty good these days to thinking I'm a fat slob.  I know I'm still  overweight.  I know I'm not a "normal" weight but I was FEELING normal.  I was FEELING like I blended in with everyone else.  I know I shouldn't let one condescending fitness freak annihilate my self esteem like that but I admit it stung.

Today I'm working  from home.  No, I'm not hiding  from SB1.  This is purely for transportation reasons.  I'm hoping the car is fixed by the end of the day so we can get back on track.  Washer and dryer was installed yesterday.  Looks nice but  haven't tried it yet and so far, the  toilet seems to be working  OK.  Maybe all  my problems will be solved by the weekend.  We can hope.

11 comments:

~Sandi @ This one time at 'band' camp... said...

Aww, there is one in every crowd! Honestly, she has issues and uses you to voice her verbal crap! Don't let it get to you, look what you've accomplished already and KNOW you look good!

A.J. said...

I understand that "fat girl" in the room feeling. Losing that feeling that I have a big, neon sign pointing me out has definitely been nice. However, I haven't shaken it entirely either. It's always in the back of my head when I meet people who never knew pre-band AJ.

Also, (I know this is gonna totally sound like something your Mom would say to you in high school) I would lay $$ down that the SB's are just as jacked in the head about food/body image/self esteem as Patty. Unfortunately, since is socially acceptable to have food/body issues as long as they manifest themselves as extreme dieting/exercise and thinness, the SB's get to hide a lot of their mental BS in plain sight.

I take my hat off to you for not just punching SB1 in the throat-- 'cause that's prolly what I woulda done. I don't take kindly to "food/exercise shaming." It is times like this when I wish the BOOBs were like a former fat girl street gang that could swoop in and beat a Skinny Bitch down when she started that nonsense.

Dawnya said...

These women are idiots!!! It is not their place to tell someone how to get healthy. Just because you weight a certain number or wear a certain size does not make you healthy.

I can't deal!!!!!

Chris said...

I'm at my desk quietly applauding A.J's post.

As I always tell my kids, "Everybody's dealing with something - choose kindness." Sounds like your SBs need some kind of filter on their comments and attitude.

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

Well, I'd much rather be at the weight I am now than being a self absorbed exercise bulimic. That is what those women, and many other women are. Exercise bulimics. They justify eating total garbage by working out like mad fools and that is just as messed up as people like us who would binge eat because we are depressed. "F" them and remember "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". That's from Eleanor Roosevelt and that woman had her stuff together. :)

Amanda Kiska said...

Wow! That would be such a difficult dynamic. I'm so sorry that you were made to feel badly about yourself and how horrible it must be for Patty.

I sure hope those two never have an injury or some other issue that causes them to be unable to sustain their level of exercise because it really sounds like they know very little about nutricion if they are pigging out on candy and cupcakes all the time.

Sandy Lee said...

You just described a book I just finished called 150 pounds by Kate Rockland. It has two bloggers, one at 100 pounds and sounds like your SB1&2 and one at 225 lbs. such a good read. And in the end, well they both end up just as the title said after some good head work.

There is no right. I too have really good friends who try to tell me how to do it. Come on. I really don't eat twice what they do and shouldn't weight twice what they do (although not any more). I feel these SB have just as many demons as some of us plumpies. Like that word. Hope things get better. They are being bullies actually.

tz said...

So sorry you felt that way, I'm hoping they would have been horrified to know that's how they made you feel and that they were just being obtuse and not mean. I'm just sorry this happened, especially when you were actually feeling good about yourself!

Shannon said...

sounds like you and I had the same type of day...

Sarah said...

Some people are just so thoughtless. Everyone has their own body hang-ups some people's are just a little bit more obvious.
My friend Jo is a complete SB. She has never had a weight issue and as she has a very physically demanding job she burns calories like there is no tomorrow. However she has terrible skin problems. All her hair fell out at 16 and she has to be so careful about shower gel, shampoo, cleaning products because it can all set off these terrible reactions.
I don't think either of these women should presume to tell you what you need to do, after all you are not an idiot, but it does make me wonder if they would like your advice on their issues. xx