Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Why I Chose My Goal

OK.  I'm jumping on the bandwagon a bit with this one.  A couple posts ago when my frustration was showing through, Morgan left me a comment:

I have a question about your goal though, why is it your goal? You have been struggling for a while now to 'drop those last 30 lbs' or 'get back on track'. Why aren't you happy where you are at now? Why can't you just be in maintenance? Is it a number you have in mind or a size, what keeps you thinking you have to keep trying to make it and have not already made it?

This is a VERY fair question.  

Then I read posts from Kristin about goal setting and Steph about how she chose her goal weight and even changed that goal weight to suit her individual needs.  So I decided to "weigh in" (get it?  WEIGH in?  I crack myself up!) on why I set the goals I did.

I started at 230 lbs.  I am 5 feet tall.  I am merely 4 inches away from being a technical little person.  I want everyone to keep that in mind as many have set weight goals higher than mine and, like Morgan, may wonder why I insist on pushing lower.  It's because I'm way shorter than most of you!  

OK, first the dreaded BMI.  While I don't like BMI charts as a whole because they don't take muscle mass into consideration, let's roll with it for a minute.  At 230, my BMI was 44.9 (Morbidly Obese).  At my current weight of 155, it's 30.3 (STILL Obese!!!).  So, first and foremost, I'd like to actually make it to "overweight" but even more than that, I want to be "NORMAL."  So what gets me to normal?  125 lbs gets me on the upper end of normal.

So that was one thing.  The other thing is I carry most of my weight in my stomach and for women (and I think men but I'm not sure) this is a very bad thing.  Regardless of your overall weight, having a large amount of belly fat increases your risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, some types of cancer, Type 2 Diabetes, metabolic syndrom and sleep apnea.  

125 is almost exactly 100 lbs down.  That would be pretty cool to see.  So at the very beginning of this whole thing, I talked to my doc about it and he said, with a lapband, I'd be a success at about 150 (Great!  Almost there!) but he also said, he's sure I have some type of personal goal and that I would not necessarily be healthy at 150 and so ultimately it's up to me to choose my goal.  So I chose 150 to be a lapband success.  140 to be "happy" and 125 to be my "OMFG!  Can you believe I only weight 125 freakin' lbs?!?!"  And honestly if I get to 130, I would totally dexatrim my way to 125 to see for a day on the scale and then each a cheeseburger to rest at 130.  But I digress.

So there you have WHY I chose my initial goal.  It is the OMFG weight that I put on my ticker because anything worth doing is worth doing right.  

So I am 155.  A mere 5 lbs away from what my lapband doctor told me a successful journey would look like.  Will I be satisfied in 5 lbs?  No I won't.  And the reason is because I'M JUST NOT HAPPY with this weight.  I don't feel as fit as I'd like.  I still struggle with lethargy.  I still struggle with RUNNING.  I'm still a flabby mess.  I don't particularly like the way I look in dresses yet.  I am not SATISFIED where I am.  

At minimum, I've got another 15 lbs in me.  And TRUST ME, it's not like I'm starving myself or only eating celery here and am stuck at this weight.  I eat what I want, when I want and as much as I want of stuff.  Does this behavior need to stop?   Only if I actually want to reach my goals.  And I DO.  I WANT TO REACH MY GOAL.  As I've been reading through my old blog posts, I'm finding the flame.  I'm finding the drive.  I'm finding the ME that started this whole thing and wants to finish it.  Will the journey ever be over?  No...that's something we all seem to learn.  We will always struggle, we will always obsess and we'll always fear gaining that weight back.  We must be diligence in maintenance but I'm not in  Maintenanceville yet.

I should also note that I'm willing to change my goals.  There have been many in Blogland that have.  Amy made it to goal and then decided she could go further.  Catherine made it to goal and her body naturally kept losing past that and by "naturally" I mean between her spin classes and portions and active lifestyle, etc.  Steph made it to goal and then below goal and realized that was too low and then back up to goal.  Everyone is different.  If I get down to 140 and I'm satisfied with that (and no, this is not a bikini body for me.  I've had 2 kids...those days are GONE!), then I'll adjust my ticker, throw myself a ticker tape parade (get it?  TICKER tape???  Man!  I am on a ROLL today!!!) and declare myself at goal.  I promise.  But just because my body has naturally decided that eating the crap I've been eating in the portions I've been eating is good enough, that doesn't mean it's good enough for me.

Now on to Steph's point about liking yourself where you are, no matter what the scale says.  I do.  I have other things I'm working on...the social thing, the parenting thing, the being a good housekeeper thing.  I've got insecurity issues I'm working through and a laundry list of other things.  But this blog is mostly for the physical so that tends to be what we keep focused on.

So there you have it.  How Panda Chooses Goals, in a nut shell.  Today is going to be crazy at work.  I have a half day tomorrow and then Friday and Monday off so not sure if I'll get around to posting again this week.  But I'll try to be following along on my iphone and commenting when I can.  So a Hump Day Happy Thought...maybe on goals?

Just wanted to include a pic of my girls messing around, waiting for Hubby to come home last night.


Steph said...

Goals are important and I'm glad that you have yours in mind. I guess I just wanted to show that for me, there was no one set goal. It kept changing and I have changed with it. I honestly feel that if you look at yourself with a clear thinking mind, you will truly know when you reach your true goal weight and you won't need the scale to tell you so. :)

Have I told you that you are pretty awesome?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing how you set your goal. And thanks for being honest about why you are not there yet- I can relate!
You are awesome and you were on a roll today!

chloes_countdown said...

great post, manda! setting the goal is so hard. each of starts out so far from where we think we want to be but as we get closer, it's important to reassess what the goal should be.

You nailed it - goal should be based on you feel. You obviously know what you want & I'll be here rooting you on all the way to the end. :)

Jen said...

I think it's important to set goals, but as you know, I hadn't really set any until recently when I decided that I needed to get my shit together and do something about these last 70 lbs I want to lose!! You'll know when you get to where you want to be and until then, just keep plugging away like you are!!
You rock! and I loved all your little funnies throughout!! will be emailing soon to set something up!!

Jeanette said...

Great post... everyone's body is different, height, frame, history, etc, etc... and everyone has different goals. Thanks for sharing and being open :)

RockBand Barbie said...

I am only 5 ft tall too!! During my first visit with my surgeon he told me he thought 115 would be a good weight for me...I told him to step away from the crack pipe because not only did I not think that would happen, but I also don't want to be that small. I still haven't picked an exact goal weight. I know that I want it to be more than the 115 he picked, but less than 150. I'm not sure if I will know what I want me goal weight to be until I get there.

Momee3021 said...

You always have a way of putting things into perspective. I feel good about my goal but I was chosen without much thought of the present and more about the past and I have thought about even tweaking it but felt like I was giving up without trying. But after reading your blog - I will revisit it at my 1 year and feel good about changing it if I need to.