New Approach - Again

First, thank you all for your support after my last post.  I would love to tell you all that I stayed the course but it just wouldn't be true and what's the point of having a blog if you aren't going to be honest?  I fell off the wagon and I fell hard.  And I wasn't going to post anything.  I actually debated taking a break from blogging but we all know what that would mean.  Days, weeks, months of binging and not making progress and coming back to blogging (which has helped me be successful to date) and owning up to it anyway.  Not this panda, folks.  I'm here, I'm owning up to it.  I ate chips, swiss cake rolls, soda and other stuff I know I shouldn't.  I did it on purpose because I was feeling sorry for myself.  Well, enough of that.  I wanted to address each of you who took the time to comment on my last post because y'all rock.

Lucy - "Maybe your body needs to take in more calories in order for you to drop the extra weight, I know it sounds crazy but it really might help."  I don't think that's it.  I'm aiming for right about 1200 and the workouts aren't really strenuous enough to aim much higher.  I think the problem may be not enough protein.

Leslie - Thank you for the support.  I know we all go through it and I've told people thousands of times that "the scale will catch up."  It's just so much easier to say to others than listen to yourself.

Kristin - Thank you so much for your kinds words.  I know I've come a long way and there are days I feel very proud of it and then others...not so much.  I remember LONGING for a day where I would see 160 but now the perspective has changed and I've been here long enough for it to feel "heavy."

Amanda - "There is definitely a point where if you want more weight loss, you have to do some serious calorie cutting and increase the exercise."  You're absolutely right.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'm committed enough to losing this last bit by doing that.

Lyla - "if losing more is going to take you go a point where you have to obsess and count and kill yourself working out, then maybe just maintain."  Yes, yes, yes.

I agree completely with Amanda and Lyla.  I need to really cut calories, increase exercise and obsess to lose this last bit of weight.  Am I willing to do that?  Yes...and no.  I'm willing to increase the exercise for sure but I don't feel I eat THAT much as it is and I don't want to obsess over food anymore.  I just don't.  So where does that leave me?  With my new approach...

No more tracking for this girl. I've never liked doing it.  I have done it and been successful with it in the past but I hate every second of it and I don't like obsessing like that.  So I'm done with it.  What else am I done with?

The scale.  At least for now.  Unlike Fluffy, I cannot divorce the scale entirely.  I don't see that happening.  But it's no longer a motivator because it has stopped moving.  When it doesn't move, I feel like a failure, I beat myself up and sometimes (like this week) it impedes progress.  So I've decided that I'm not weighing myself (this is a goal mind you) until March 1st.  That's a month and a half.  I may not even weigh myself then depending on how I'm feeling.

So no tracking and no scale doesn't sound like someone who's committed to losing weight or even maintaining weight, does it?  Well, that's not the ENTIRE plan people.

My goals are remaining the same.  I still want to do 5 5k's this year as well as the push ups, sit ups and pull up.  Notice I did not say "run" 5 5k's.  I'm not sure I'm feeling that but I'll definitely put forth a good effort but sometimes it might just be more fun to walk it.  And ladies and gents...this is what I'm getting at.  Life is supposed to be FUN.  We all know it isn't always fun but I think I'm done making it less enjoyable than it has to be.  I have hit a point where my weight cannot hold me back from ANYTHING I would want to do.  I can travel comfortably (this is an assumption as I haven't flown since losing the weight but I'm pretty sure I'm there), I can walk long distances without wanting to die, I can run short distances and only feel like I'm going to pass out as opposed to dying.  So the weight isn't holding me back anymore.  I should be enjoying that feeling instead of wishing it was more.  This leads into my whole being "content" with things this year.  So goals - still there.

I'm going to focus on the VOLUME of what I'm eating again, listening to soft stop signals and eating off small plates again.  Not worrying about serving size by calories, etc.  I'm going to aim for a cup, serve myself a cup and evaluate how I feel after a cup.  Enough with how much I CAN eat...focusing on how much I NEED to eat.

Also, working on getting rid of processed food again.  Going back to paleo but just because it feels better eating natural food.  This is not low carb or anything like that.  Just eating like people should eat.  I feel better when I eat this way.

Exercise - For the rest of January, I'm working on running and strengthening.  I'm working on walking with my girls, teaching my oldest to ride her bike, and getting out there and enjoying the awesome Arizona winter weather.  February - I'm starting the Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred program I won from Fluffy.  At one point in time, exercise wasn't about losing weight, it was about challenging myself to push myself further than I thought I could and enjoy using my body and MOVING.  That was the mentality for the 3 Day and my first 5k last year.  I need to get back to that mindset.

So we're simplifying folks.  I'm focusing on volume and quality of food.
I'm focusing on being ACTIVE, not just exercising.
I want to feel better and content.  It's about quality of life - nothing more, nothing less.  Wherever my body decides to settle is up to it and I'm tired of fighting with it.  I want to be able to do whatever I want to do without feeling held back or embarrassed so I'm not done molding this body into what I want it to become until I feel comfy in public in a bathing suit or can climb to the top of the highest mountain I choose to climb.

That being said, today is a new day and binging on crap that my body doesn't need is NOT in the equation.