So I broke every rule I set out for myself this weekend. The food choices were not good at all but the portions were very small. I really paid attention to HOW MUCH I was eating. So small victories. My body felt like it needed a break from working out a bit so I took a 2 mile walk on Saturday instead of a run. And my weigh in for this week...
160. That's right. The exact same flippin' weight it's been FOREVER. No change at all. While my choices over the weekend certainly weren't stellar, there's no freakin' way it counteracted EVERYTHING I had done through out the week.
Last week I tracked, I worked out everyday. If I had a treat, it was planned and accounted for. If I did go over my target calories, I still stayed under what I would need in order to maintain. I should have lost SOMETHING. Mathematically, it just doesn't add up. I'm so frustrated. Maybe this is just where my body wants to be. Maybe I'm just meant to be a little...stout...for lack of a better word. There's no one in my family (outside of my mom who is an anomaly) that isn't a little overweight. I have lost 70 lbs. That's 70% of my excess body weight. It's a statistical average for lapband. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.
One thing I know is that I won't live my life the way I lived it last week. Obsessing over every morsel, tracking it, accounting for it. I was not happy last week but I kept at it because I felt it was what needed to be done to see a loss. I thought I was making progress...tracking everything led me to believe I would see a loss on the scale this week because I felt I EARNED it. I saw it there...in black and white...calories in/calories out - good protein numbers, good carb numbers, good workout numbers. And I was let down....SERIOUSLY let down. There's a change coming folks...a change in how I approach this weight loss stuff and I'm not sure if it'll make for good blog reading. I've got some ideas batting around in my head but I'll wait until I achieve a cooler head before deciding on anything and jotting them down.
I'm at work today. For those in the States, it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Yes, this is an observed holiday where I work but I'm working anyway so I can have a day off later when my sister is in town. I don't really care that I'm practically the only one here today...it just makes for a very long, quiet, boring day. I promise a more upbeat post tomorrow but that just ain't going to happen this morning. So since I'm here, you're fortunate enough to get a Monday DEMotivator: