Progress

Monday, January 16, 2012

Frustrated

So I broke every rule I set out for myself this weekend.  The food choices were not good at all but the portions were very small.  I really paid attention to HOW MUCH I was eating.  So small victories.  My body felt like it needed a break from working out a bit so I took a 2 mile walk on Saturday instead of a run.  And my weigh in for this week...

160.  That's right.  The exact same flippin' weight it's been FOREVER.  No change at all.  While my choices over the weekend certainly weren't stellar, there's no freakin' way it counteracted EVERYTHING I had done through out the week.

Last week I tracked, I worked out everyday.  If I had a treat, it was planned and accounted for.  If I did go over my target calories, I still stayed under what I would need in order to maintain.  I should have lost SOMETHING.  Mathematically, it just doesn't add up.  I'm so frustrated.  Maybe this is just where my body wants to be.  Maybe I'm just meant to be a little...stout...for lack of a better word.  There's no one in my family (outside of my mom who is an anomaly) that isn't a little overweight.  I have lost 70 lbs.  That's 70% of my excess body weight.  It's a statistical average for lapband.  Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.

One thing I know is that I won't live my life the way I lived it last week.  Obsessing over every morsel, tracking it, accounting for it.  I was not happy last week but I kept at it because I felt it was what needed to be done to see a loss.  I thought I was making progress...tracking everything led me to believe I would see a loss on the scale this week because I felt I EARNED it.  I saw it there...in black and white...calories in/calories out - good protein numbers, good carb numbers, good workout numbers.  And I was let down....SERIOUSLY let down.  There's a change coming folks...a change in how I approach this weight loss stuff and I'm not sure if it'll make for good blog reading.  I've got some ideas batting around in my head but I'll wait until I achieve a cooler head before deciding on anything and jotting them down.

I'm at work today.  For those in the States, it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Yes, this is an observed holiday where I work but I'm working anyway so I can have a day off later when my sister is in town.  I don't really care that I'm practically the only one here today...it just makes for a very long, quiet, boring day.  I promise a more upbeat post tomorrow but that just ain't going to happen this morning.  So since I'm here, you're fortunate enough to get a Monday DEMotivator:

6 comments:

Lucy said...

Manda,

I also don't want to live my life obsessing over food. I think one of the benefits for the band is that if you continue to eat food from your "past" that isn't slider food you will at least be able to satisfy your craving while eating a much smaller amount of the food.

Maybe your body needs to take in more calories in order for you to drop the extra weight, I know it sounds crazy but it really might help.

Great job going for a 2 mile walk, you still exercised even if it wasn't a run. You don't want to get yourself into a situation were you hate what you are doing so if on that day you were able to enjoy a walk instead of not doing anything at all well I think a walk is great!

Leslie said...

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. I HATE weeks like that when you are so good, you do everything right and then it isn't reflected on the scale. I really don't have any advice because I could never figure out what the reason that I wasn't losing on weeks like that.

Kristin50 said...

Please do not beat yourself up to badly! You have done amazing things, you have come so far from where you began this journey. The closer to goal you get the harder it becomes I hear.

Your body may decide on it's own goal weight for you. You may never realize the number you think, but as you have said you have lost 70% of your excess weight that is HUGE! HUGE!

Be proud of what you have done, and stop beating on yourself!

Hugs!

Amanda Kiska said...

There is definitely a point where if you want more weight loss, you have to do some serious calorie cutting and increase the exercise. I weigh more than you (165-167) and am not trying to lose more because I can maintain by eating reasonable meals and exercising moderately. To lose more, I'd have to make some changes I guess I'm not willing to make.

Having said that, however, I don't think one week is long enough to know if you are there or not. I know it is frustrating, but your weight is affected by things other than food like hormones and sodium. Give it another week and see where you are at. You're doing great.

Robyn's Nest said...

Manda, Give it another week. Try it; it can't hurt.

Lyla said...

I agree with everyone: 1)give it another week, because sometimes the scale doesn't register right away, and 2)if losing more is going to take you go a point where you have to obsess and count and kill yourself working out, then maybe just maintain.

I'm giving my loss one last push to see if I can get to goal, but if STAYING at goal takes constant monitoring and deprivation, then that won't be my goal for long. Based on the last 5 months, I know I can maintain my current 160 without exercise OR deprivation, so now I have a comparison point for later. It's a good way to live, and yes, if we both stay at 160 we won't be normal BMI (my goal), but we still are so much healthier than we were before.

Hugs-- I feel like you and I are sort of band-twins sometimes.