Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Think I'm Me Again

TGIT!  Thursdays for this week and next are my Fridays so I couldn't be happier to see Thursday get here.  Work has been annoying so I'm glad for these long weekends this summer.  Food choices were all good yesterday so I feel really good about that.  I also got all my water in with no extra snacking.  That's all good stuff.  I was reading through some of my old posts when I was still waiting to be banded and I found one where I talk about how I feel when I look in the mirror.  I've pasted it below.

There have been posts by just about everyone regarding how they see themselves when they look in the mirror.  Some say they just don't see the new skinny girl, they still see the old fat one.  Others, like Amykins, admits she had reverse body dysmorphic disorder in that she never saw herself as big as she was.  I don't have this problem.  Overall, I think I have a fairly realistic view of my body itself.  It's fat... I know this... I try not to swim in my clothes to hide it.  I know I'm not the biggest girl out there but I also know I'm not "fit."  What I never hear about is your face.  When I look in the mirror, the face I see just doesn't seem right.  There are no wrinkles (yet) so it's not an aging thing.  It just doesn't look like ME.  Does that make sense?  I'm not sure if it's because it's so puffy but when I really look at it, I don't recognize it.  I just can't figure it out.  I've never been particularly "thin" so I'm not sure if losing weight is going to make a difference.  I realize this doesn't make much sense but it's something that dawned on me over the weekend when I was washing my face.  I took a long look at myself in the mirror and thought "Really?  This is it?"  I guess I just didn't think that this is what I would look like when I grew up.  Ever happen to you

This post must've been on my mind this morning because when I was putting on my make up, I realized as I looked in the mirror....  I'M BACK!  The face staring back at me looked like my own.  It wasn't puffy or seemingly huge.  Still no wrinkles but the double chin is all but gone!  I can smile and my cheeks don't force my eyes practically shut (I'm always going to have a little bit of the chipmunk smile thing going on because I always have...runs in the family).  I looked in the mirror and saw the person I have been waiting to come back.  I wasn't sure if losing weight would do this because I wasn't sure if it was an aging thing or a weight thing.  I have my answer.  It was a weight thing because I look at my face now and it just FEELS right again.  I feel like I'm  looking at ME and not some stranger.  It could be due to the weight loss, it could be due to how much happier I am these days with me and my body and my soul all starting to finally get into harmony again.  Maybe all that's reflecting back at me but I can tell you this.  I missed her.  I'm so glad she's found her way back to me.  I just can't think of a better NSV than feeling like you're finally becoming the person you're supposed to be...inside and out.  Now...if we could do something about this stomach apron thing I have going on....

In other news, we're gearing up for school to start on August 8th.  My oldest is going into 1st grade!  Holy cow!  I mean...a grade with a number in front of it...that's like BIG KID stuff!  We need to do some supply hunting, meet the teacher is August 4th and we're starting to get both girls used to the idea of going to school again.  My youngest is in her last year (hopefully) of preschool this year.  They've both had the summer off and have been hanging out with my mom so it'll be readjustment for everyone.  For my youngest, I'm hoping she'll be "kindergarten ready" by next year.  They usually offer early kindergarten in our school district for kids who turn 5 between September and December.  They do an evaluation to see if they're ready.  I'm really hoping she'll be ready.  We have a lot of work to do this year to get her there.  But excitement's in the air and I'm feeling it too.  I'm ready to go back to my old schedule and get back in a gym groove.  

Since I won't be posting again until Monday, hope you all have a fabulous weekend and, of course, I leave you with a Thursday Tickle:


Amanda said...

I know what you mean! But for me it was my mom saying that I didn't look like myself at my highest weight! I never really saw that. But looking at more current photos I can see what she means. But I was the one who always saw my self as the "big" girl but at the same time didn't think I was as big as I was actually getting! Ya know!

Have fun with all the school prep!

Lyla said...

I'm glad you found you again!

The start of the school year was always so exciting for me. I hope your girls catch the "school love". It makes me so sad that so many kids hate school these days.

Shannon said...

I still feel like that when I look in the mirror sometimes. Im glad you found yourself. Thats the most important part in this journey.

Lee Ann said...

I know what you mean about your face. I never noticed not looking like myself in the mirror but when I looked at pictures (that I didn't pose for especially) I would wonder where I went. I'm starting to look more like the me I remember too. It's a great feeling. :)

Ronnie said...

Welcome back to you! :) That must have been a great feeling.

Anonymous said...

I am very, very glad you see yourself again. It gives me some hope. I often look in the mirror and wonder who that person is. I hate that feeling.

~Lisa~ said...

What an excellent post - I know exactly what you're saying.. and I'm sooo looking forward to seeing me again!

First grade?? wowowow!! A terrific milestone! Enjoy it!

Have a terrific weekend!!