Day 117 Weigh In and Halloween Recap

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 103 Weigh In: 196.5

Change Since Weigh In: -2
Total Loss:  29.5

2 lbs down in 2 weeks.  I'll take it, especially since I didn't work particularly hard this weekend.  We had our Halloween party on Friday and it was a great success!

Me & Hubby

Kill Room

Food spread

Bar before ice, beer and mixers

Then Saturday, we got to do the Halloween stuff with the kids.

After all that excitement, I seriously couldn't handle doing anything else on Sunday so I finished up my first cross stitch project instead.

Great weekend!  And so sad to see it end and get back to work.  Work sucked last week so I'm hoping for better this week.  I'm also going into my last week of my first class since going back to school.  So far, so good on that front.  Hope y'all enjoyed the Halloween festivities without gorging too much on the candy.  We now begin the silly season.  November is sure to be busy!  Let's all stay on the healthy train!

Doc Update

I saw my primary care physician yesterday for my arm.  A couple notes about this:

• I haven't had a primary care physician since moving to FL so about 3 years.
• Prior that, I had only seen my PCP to get a referral to my lapband doc who I had already been seeing for a year.
• I had been spending so much time at bariatric docs and gynecologists that I really didn't see the need for a PCP.

Given all that, this is Hubby's PCP who he likes a lot so I decided to give him a try.  I liked him.  He actually listened, was personable and doesn't seem to order tests for the sake of ordering tests.

All that to say, he says I have a torn muscle.  He said most likely I have a small tear in my left arm that's contributing to soreness and a bigger torn muscle on my right arm which is causing the shooting pain.  

All I can do is rest it.  He said it'll probably take a couple months to fully heal and he said it's like the old joke "Doc, it' hurts when I do this."  "Don't do that."  He said pay attention to twinges and find different ways of doing it so it doesn't hurt.  He said there's good pain (feel the burn) and bad pain and this is definitely bad pain.  So there ya go.

This weekend is going to be a cleaning weekend.  Our Halloween party is next Friday so I need the house spic and span.  We have a cleaning lady coming on Tuesday to give it a good scrubbing but I want to get as much clean before that as I can as I'm paying her by the hour.

Cross Stitch and Doctor

It's been a week of cross stitching and doctors.

I'm making progress and really enjoying my new hobby.  It's coming along and I've ordered tiny stockings kit to make stockings to go with the Christmas cookies I give out this year.

I took my oldest daughter for a consultation with an oral surgeon yesterday.  She has braces (her teeth are all kinds of messed up) and the orthodontist suggested this guy.  I liked him and he was pretty good with her.  We need to extract her last 2 baby teeth on the bottom and help the 2 adult teeth on top come down.  Poor kid.  I scheduled it for 11/6 and got the estimated cost of $300. Bah.

I have a doctor's appointment today with a primary care physician to talk about my arm.  Soooo...in all my gracefulness I told you about falling off the stairclimber TWICE last month.  Well, that last one really hurt.  Both of my arms are still sore but my right arm is a little worse.  I get a shooting pain between my shoulder and elbow when I rotate my upper arm.  I've given it a month and it's not improving so figured it was time to see the doc and see what's what.  Fingers crossed that it just needs more time to heal.

I'm batting around quitting the gym and joining a crossfit gym instead.  I don't want to do anything until I get the OK from the doc though because I don't want to risk injuring the arm more than it already is.  My old gym stuff isn't working.  I just can't seem to get motivated to get there.  My neighbor belongs to a crossfit gym and has offered to bring me to "Bring a Friend" day.  I think I'll take her up on it and see what it's all about.

Onederland!

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 103 Weigh In: 198.5

Change Since Weigh In: -2.5

I'm back in Onederland!  I've missed being here!  I was nervous about getting on the scale despite my food being on target last week, but I was rewarded for being kind to myself.  It's so nice moving in this direction and it's motivated me for the week ahead!

Hubby and I are throwing a Halloween party.  We spent the weekend buying decorations, menu planning and getting our costumes.  My oldest daughter wanted a family theme this year.  We do this from time to time.  When the girls were real little, we were a royal family.

More recently, we were all super heroes.

This year, we're pirates.  Should be fun!

Being Kind

I'm taking Shelley's advice and skipped my weigh in this week.  I'm allowing myself time to get back on track before I look at the scale.  I'm hoping, at the very least, I'll see a steady weight vs a gain.  So far, so good.  Eating is all planned out this week and I stuck to plan yesterday.

Not weighing myself this week is the kind thing to do.  Last week was uber stressful and being kind to myself was necessary.  It got me thinking though.  I need to be kind to myself more often.  I don't know why I beat myself up the way I do but it's time for that kind of thinking to stop.  The other thing I noticed is how often people are harsh with other people for no good reason.

I'm an internet hound.  I'm on facebook a lot lurking and reddit religiously.  It amazes me how judgmental people can be with anonymity.  My sister has become a facebook troll...posting things just to get a rise out of people.  Making comments that I know she would NEVER make to anyone's face but, for some reason, feels it's perfectly acceptable on the internet.  Reddit is a cesspool of insensitivity.  I even see it on here.  Judgmental comments and a blogger who I love gets it a lot on her facebook.  She's lost an extraordinary amount of weight, has maintained that loss and just had plastic surgery to remove some of the excess skin.  People have the nerve to call her narcissistic because she posts pics of herself.  Seriously?  WTH is wrong with people?

The trouble is I think this nasty attitude and not knowing how to treat people is rubbing off into the real world.  There was the article about the teenage girl who convinced her boyfriend to commit suicide so she could get attention.  The two teenage girls who stabbed their third friend repeatedly to appease some imaginary character on a website.  This isn't good!  We need to remember that in a civilized society, WE MUST REMAIN CIVIL WITH EACHOTHER.  Be kind....if for no other reason, you wouldn't want people to come right up to you and say the things you may be thinking of others.

New Hobby

I think I'm going to take up cross stitching.  My Grandma Irma (The "A" Grandma) used to cross stitch and was very good.  She tried teaching me when I was 8 and it didn't quite take.  I probably still have a 3 inch half finished apple pattern somewhere.  I ordered a kit for a Christmas ornament and it arrived yesterday.  After finishing my homework, I organized my thread and began to work on it.  It all came flooding back!  Once I figured out how to start, it was easy peasy.  Organizing the threat took the longest because they gave me enough thread to do any number of designs so I have more thread than I need for the design I chose.  I found it surprisingly relaxing and it relieved a little stress from the day.  I think this could be good.

Why was I stressed.  They announced lay offs at work yesterday.  My job is safe for now but that group's work is getting pushed on me and my chances of a promotion at the end of the year just went up in smoke.  UGH.  I hate corporate America.

No big plans for the weekend.  I have accepted that my littlest dog, Roxy, isn't going to get any bigger.  The rescue we got her from thinks she's a "Pocket Beagle" so she's topping out at 13 lbs.  The trouble is the little stinker can fit through the slats of my fence.  I've ordered some deer netting that's going to solve this problem and I'm putting it up so she can roam free in the yard without having to be on her lead.  She loves being outside and I hate having to put her on a lead every time she wants to go out there.  I'd also LOVE to get a doggy door but can't do that if she can escape.  Hounds follow their noses so escape is imminent.

Don't let this cuteness fool you.  She's a pita!

I tend to laugh at things rather than cry over them.  In that light, please don't be offended by my Friday Funny given the circumstances.

RIP Grandma Rose

I haven't disappeared again.  I've been out of town.

Last Thursday, my Grandma Rose died.  She was 94.  She was my father's mother and never particularly nice to me.  My dad was an only child so my siblings and I were her only grandchildren but she was never warm and fuzzy.  She came over from Germany as a teenager but the damage was already done, so to speak.  She would blame her mother leaving her at the convent in Germany and then again once she had come to the states as to why she wasn't very good at showing affection.  I don't know if there's really anything to that.  My earliest memory of her is her calling me fat when I was 10 years old.  That being said, I really got to know her the last 15 years after we moved her to Arizona.  They had always been the Christmas grandparents.  Now I got to see her at every holiday and she was always a bit crazy.  In the last year, she had really kind of lost it and when I saw her in July, she had no idea who I was.  We still had a nice visit and she got to see the girls.  Last Thursday, she got out of bed and immediately collapsed.  Her heart had stopped and that was it.  To live to be 94 and not suffer in the end...who could ask for more?  RIP Grandma Rose...I'll miss all the Grandma Rose stories.

So I went to Illinois for the service over the weekend.  It was small as the family itself is small on that side and she had outlived most of them anyway.  To say the eating has been awful and drinking has been abundant would be an understatement.  I'm not looking forward to the weigh in on Monday.

On top of everything else, school started on Tuesday.  Thank goodness for laptops as there's no way I'd be off to a very good start without one.  But start I did and so far, so good.

I also got to come to these cute little fur

babies waiting for me.

My Big News

I'm going back to school.

Make no mistake, I went to college for 4 years.  I took lots of classes...no degree.  I then attempted to go back twice after the kiddos...no degree.  I used to harbor a lot of regret over this.  I agonized over missed opportunities and wasted potential.  Then I got over it.  I really made my peace with it and felt absolutely fine about it.  I have a good job making more than some WITH a degree and everyone always just kind of assumes I have one.  I don't feel it's held me back.

All that being said, my company now offers a grant where the entire thing is paid for an online university.  Tuition, technology fee, course materials, graduation fee, the whole nine.  It's a for profit online university, Ashford University, so it's debatable how much value you get out of it, how employers see it, blah, blah, blah.  The fact is this isn't my money.  If my company is willing to pay for my degree from this place, then I may as well take advantage of it.  The only caveat is I have to get B's in all classes and can only take one class at a time.  With work and the kids, I honestly don't know how I'd take more than that anyway.  If you attend nonstop, a bachelors degree takes 208 weeks (5 week classes).  I've been told a good number of my classes will transfer over from my stint in college many years ago so my time will be somewhat shorter but not positive on what we're looking at.

My start day October 6th.  I'm excited to start something new.

My other big news that I just completely glossed over yesterday is I'm down 25 lbs!  I don't know why this didn't really occur to me yesterday but there it is!  Maybe I wasn't as excited because I've seen these 25 lbs come and go and come again but it's still worth celebrating!  I've now lost a whole Scrappy worth of weight!

Day 82 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 82 Weigh In: 201

Change Since Last Week: -0.5

Down 1/2 lb since last week.  I was expecting a better outcome this week but it's moving in the right direction so I'm not going to complain about it.

This weekend was relatively uneventful.  We hung out with the neighbors Saturday evening and the girls had a friend sleep over.  Sunday was spent working on Lori's school project and Maddie's campaign posters.

A couple thoughts about my daughter running for Student Council.  She is in 5th grade and she is a geeky kid.  She comes by it honestly.  Hubby and I... both geeks.  She's very introverted and has a hard time making friends.  She always manages to make one or two throughout the year...usually other slightly odd kiddos like her.  This is fine.  I was the same way.  Hubby swung the other direction and would have TONS of friends but few very close ones.  Anyway, the point is she has NO CHANCE of winning.  That's just reality.  However, I am so freakin' proud of her for running.  She has to give a speech in front of the whole school (she had to do that last year for a speech contest too so she's got SOME experience with it) and campaign and all that jazz.  I would never have the guts to run for office in school because we all know it's a popularity contest.  It's not about anything other than how many people like you.  She's got a snowball's chance in hell but I hope she realizes how awesome she is to take the chance.

On that note, this is another week and another opportunity to take a chance on myself.  Possibly big news coming tomorrow, stay tuned...

Stuffed Acorn Squash

Tried this recipe last night and it was DELICIOUS!  Even my kiddos liked it.

It's 375 calories per serving.  I did a couple substitutions based on what I had in the house.  I used spinach instead of kale, onion instead of a leek and regular breadcrumbs vs panko.  Mine looked like this:

Before breadcrumbs and broiling.

Final product

Thank you all for the support after yesterday's post.  My right shin is so bruised, I fear I may have bruised the bone.  My left knee is sore and achy.  My right arm hurts when I reach backwards.  Honestly, what hurts most is my pride and I'll get over it.  I do feel so embarrassed but I will go back to the gym tonight and continue on.

I need to be more like this cat...

I F*$&%ing Did It Again!

I can't freakin' believe it!!!  So I went to the gym last night, did my treadmill, did my elliptical, decided to finish strong with 10 minutes on the beast.  The one that was broken the last time still as an "out of order" sign on it so I choose the other one.  I get up (already made it further than last time) and hit "start."  USUALLY, it starts on level 1.  WTF?!?!?  It started on the highest level!!  As if it never reset from the guy who was on it before me.  So I'm frantically hitting "Stop" and nothing is happening.  So of course, I FELL!!!  OMFG!!!  Fuck me and my life!  Once again, a couple concerned onlookers come over to see if I'm OK.  Thank goodness neither of them are the same people who came over last time.  Since this was my last work out, I just got out of there and had an emotional breakdown in my jeep.  I seriously feel like such a fat, uncoordinated loser.  IF I manage to get up the nerve to show my face at the gym again, I definitely will not be using that machine ever again.

Mailbox guy is coming today.   I can finally start getting my mail again.  Otherwise, it's the same shit, different day.  SIGH.  Better attitude coming later in the week.

Day 75 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 75 Weigh In: 201.5

Change Since Last Week: -2

2 lbs down from last week, meaning I lost the 1.5 gain from the week before plus another half pound.  Sometimes I really don't think they did anything other than take the band out.  The doc had said he couldn't make my stomach as small as he'd like because of the scar tissue and I know people who have already had weight loss surgery lose slower and not as much as "virgin" surgery people.  I guess I'm still just a little disappointed in how this is going.  I heard things like "I have to remind myself to eat" and "You're never hungry" and "I can eat so little."  It's bullshit.  I can eat a lot less but I'm constantly thinking about my next meal.  Is it in my head?  Absolutely.  That doesn't help.  That must makes me see that NOTHING Is going to work.  I'm always going to be fat because I have no willpower and can't get past my own brain.  So a little disappointed?  Yes definitely but not in the stupid sleeve...just in myself.  

Setting A Good Example

I saw an article on BBC about one of the youngest diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes.  Article is here. The girls was just 3 years old and weighed 35kg.  I had to do a conversion on this and for my other metric impaired American friends, that's 77 lbs.  For childless friends who really have no idea about what kids should weigh.  My oldest weighs 73 lbs and she's 10 years old and mostly muscle.  The doctors believe it was caused by diet and lack of exercise.  This story has a happy ending.  The doctor who diagnosed the child apparently gave the parents a good wake up call and just 6 months after the diagnosis, she's lost almost 9 kg (20 lbs) and no longer needs medication.

How do we let our children get this way?!?!?  The article didn't provide a picture but I can imagine what the parents look like.  Most likely, they look like my husband and me.  One of my biggest motivators for losing weight and eating healthy to set a good example for my girls. I don't want them to struggle the way I have.  I don't want them to get bullied by kids in school.  I don't want them to have these types of health problems in the future.  I don't know how anyone could look at a 77 lb toddler and think that's OK.  That they're doing their job as a parent!  Your job is to protect your children and keep them healthy.  These parents were failing at that.  I'm glad they got the wake up call and I'm glad they changed their ways and this child is now OK, but I just can't believe it took their daughter needed diabetes medication (keep in mind this is NOT Type 1) in order for them to see they were hurting their child.

My sister gives me a hard time when she comes to visit about the kind of food I have in the house and how I don't let my kids have run of the pantry.  My kids have to ask if they want any snack other than fruit.  Her pantry is full of chips, crackers, sugary cereal, etc.  She thinks it's crazy that I make my kids waffles/pancakes/ and eggs or breakfast sandwiches every morning before school.  She asks why they can't make their own breakfast and I could just buy some cereal?  She really doesn't get it and as someone who LOOKS JUST LIKE ME, you'd think she'd already know.  She thinks it's "mean" that I "make" the kids eat the way I do.  Yes, my kids eat the same dinners I eat...protein and veggies and very little bread, rice or carbs.  That's OK!  They aren't deprived.  She doesn't see a reason to "push" this lifestyle on my kids since they're not fat.  She's right.  They aren't fat and with a little luck and a little education, they never will be.  Her kids aren't fat...YET.  Just wait until their little metabolisms slow down and they aren't running all over the place.  I'm not a food nazi.  We have treats (remember I had ice cream 3 times last week?).  They get to eat their Halloween candy.  They get birthday cake and celebrate stuff.  There's just no reason to have your day to day diet to be THAT processed and crappy.  *Stepping off soapbox*

This week has been a dud of a week and I'm glad it's nearly over.  Get through today and hopefully we'll reset with the weekend.  I hope you all get a chance to relax and reset too.

Is This Week Over Yet?

Where to start.  We'll start at the gym.  I went to the gym last night and was going to start my work out on the stair climber.  It's one of the ones that look like this;

I have a love/hate relationship with this machine.  I HATE it when I'm on it.  It's truly the devil but I LOVE how much I sweat the calories I burn on it.  Now I have used this machine in the past...no problem.  I am short so getting on is kind of a big heave ho to the first step but no biggie.  While there is always a little give to the steps when I stand on it, it certainly isn't fast and it's not like it's ON.  Well, last night, I went to step on it and it immediately gave way as if the belt was slipping and since I wasn't completely on the first step yet and couldn't get up fast enough, I fell straight down on to the gym floor.  The guy next me jumped off his to see if I was okay.  I was so freakin' embarrassed.  Another gym patron went and got an employee.  I felt like such an idiot.  The employee looked at the machine, deemed it broken and put a sign on it.  At least it wasn't just me being too stupid to use gym equipment but still.  So I had this internal conversation with myself as I'm trying to tell everyone I'm fine and get up with as much dignity as I could muster:

Me: "Self, I cannot believe I did that!"
Self: "Run!  Get out of here as quickly as you can.  You're such an idiot."
Me: "I don't understand how that happened.  Can I not even step up on to a machine anymore?  Have I gotten THAT fat and uncoordinated?
Self: "Yes you have.  And everyone is staring.  OMG.  They're asking if you need ice.  Answer them. Say no.  Say SOMETHING."

I mumble no to the ice and wave away the very helpful hand of the guy next to me to heave myself up into a standing position.

Self:  "Seriously, grab your keys, drive away and never come back.  You can never come back here.  Don't let your face turn red.  Salvage your dignity woman!"
Me: "You just shut up."

So I got on the treadmill instead.

Needless to say, it was a rough workout and by the time I got home.  I HURT.  The whole left side of my body hurt and still hurts today.

So this morning, I'm supposed to have my new mattress delivered. They gave me the very specific window of 8 a.m. - 5 p.m.  Fine.  I'm going to be home all day anyway.  I'm walking out of the house to walk the girls to the bus stop at 7:20 a.m. this morning when the truck is pulling up.  Of course they're early.  SIGH.  But then...BAM!!!  They ran over my mailbox!!!

I've already called Customer Service and am opening a claim.  The HOA here is super strict and all the mailboxes, posts, etc. are identical so I got the number of the company they use and left them a message this morning.  And now I have back to back to back meetings until 5 tonight.  Awesome.  Meanwhile, I'll keep icing my leg from last night's fall and just try to get through the day without killing someone.  At least I have an assistant to help me out.

Day 68 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 68 Weigh In: 203.5

Change Since Last Week: +1.5

I gained back the 1.5 I lost last week.  A number of contributing factors:

• Water retention.  I had Chinese food twice over the weekend.  The choices weren't bad (meat and veg) but sodium is probably way high.
• I am retaining some water. My fingers are swollen and achy.  Usually a sign for me.
• I consumed entirely too much sugar this week.  I had ice cream 3 times!
• Work/Family picnic over the weekend.  Overindulged.
• Too much alcohol throughout the week.

I know where I went wrong.  I also know I didn't eat 1.5 lbs worth of sugar this week.  A lot of this is water.  I'll work to flush it out and keep the food choices in check.  Also back to alcohol only on weekends.  My planner has a leadership development quote every day.  This was today's.

Yes, this is good advice in general for the workplace.  You could, in fact, apply it to anything.  Specifically to how I've been doing.  I tend to do really well in spurts.  I have weeks where I'm spot on and I have weeks where I slip into old habits something fierce.  I'll only be successful long term if I make it a HABIT.  So this week's all about getting back to good and making it a habit.

Happy Monday all!

Week in Review 9/11/15

This week has been so/so.  I haven't made the best food CHOICES but I haven't grazed and I've watched the portions.  I also went to the gym twice.  I think I need to go to the gym more often to actually make it a habit.  There's a game going around facebook where you type your name and "meme" into google images search and post the first one that comes back.  This was mine.

I've decided it's my attitude about working out that needs adjusting.  My attitude about food is actually very healthy right now.  I miss feeling strong and fit though.

I'm feeling very tired lately.  I'm having a hard time getting up and going in the morning.  I'm no the only one though.  Last night, the dogs were in bed before I was.

There are two dogs here. Can you spot the 2nd one?

The girls' school bus was late this morning so I had time to do their hair.  This is a very rare thing for me as we're usually somewhat rushed in the morning and I've never been particularly "girly" when it comes to hair styling.  I've never been particularly good at it.  They liked their looks for today though.

No big plans for the weekend.  Hubby has a work event on Saturday that I'm trying to get out of.  We'll see.  It seems his work group does a lot of work events during off work hours and it's starting to get irritating.  Supposedly it's for morale purposes but if that's the case they should be doing this during work hours and not during employees' family time.  Just my opinion.  The weather is supposed to cool off a bit over the weekend so I'm hoping we can do something outdoors, maybe the dog park now that little dog has gotten her stitches out or maybe the beach.

I usually do a Friday Funny but as it's 9/11, instead I leave you with a request to never forget.