Monday, May 20, 2013

I Lied

But I didn't mean to.   I really thought my weight was holding fairly steady.  I was feeling squishier but figured that was from not working out, losing a little toning.  Basically I was in denial.  Self enforced denial as I wasn't stepping on my scale.  Well, last week, I decided enough was enough and it was time to get back on track.  Enter the "5 Day Pouch Test."  Honestly, I've never been a fan of this.  Is it a fad?  Is it real?  Who knows?  But I need a mental attitude adjustment if you will.  I had no idea how badly I needed this until I stepped on the scale this morning.  *SIGH*  OK....I'm ashamed to tell you but I'm going to because accountability is the most important part of all this.  Accountability to myself...but also to you...those of you who have followed this journey for so long.

Last Weigh In: 167
Current Weight: 182

I can't believe I've let myself get back into the  180's.  I'm really dealing with a lot of disappointment in myself this morning and a dash of self loathing thrown in for good measure.  I'm not going to dwell on that, however.  I knew I was off track.  I knew I was back into old habits.  I knew it had to stop before I stepped on that scale.  I weighed 182 before I KNEW I weighed 182 so there's no point in wallowing.  I refuse to be another WLS statistic of gaining one's weight back.  Today...we're starting fresh.  The ticker's been reset.  Let's do this!

Now a fill is out of the question right now.  I do not have a lapband doc here in FL.  I'm actually seeing my lapband doc in Phoenix in July and will request a fill then.  Until then, we're kicking things off with a 5 day pouch test.

So the 5 Day Pouch Test...I think most of you know what this is by now.  It's been around a long time but basically it's a miniature version of the post-op diet.

Days One & Two: Liquid Protein
low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding. Read more.

Day 3: Soft Protein
canned fish (tuna or salmon) eggs, fresh soft fish (tilapia, sole, orange roughy. Read more.

Day 4: Firm Protein 
ground meat (turkey, beef, chicken, lamb), shellfish, scallops, lobster, fresh salmon or halibut. Read more.

Day 5: Solid Protein
white meat poultry, beef steak, pork, lamb, wild game

The idea is that it gives you an idea if you've really screwed up your pouch, gives you that newbie tight feeling and gives you a mental shift of being control of your eating again.  I'm hoping for all these to happen.  I've got my coffee, protein shakes and soup ready to go today and tomorrow.  Hubby's doing it with me so that helps immensely.

The other piece of this puzzle is the blogging.  It is not lost on me that I've gained this much weight in my absence of blogging.  Get ready to see more of me.  Self denial phase is done.  Back to weekly weigh ins and getting back to doing what I set out to do 3 years ago but have somehow lost the gusto for.  I have more emotional/mental notes about all this that I'll delve into this week but this post is already too long.  

Monday DEMotivator:


Dawnya said...

You know what needs to be done...and you will do it. Don't feel bad. You have owned it. Now it is time to kick some ass!!

Jeanette said...

Blogging helps me tremendously to stay accountable (it keeps me weighing in at least once or twice a week for updates... so I know when I am going off the rails!)

Good luck!

Run, Chelle, Run! said...

I've never done the pouch test but I like the idea of a "reset" - something I always liked when I got fills. You can do this and you will kick butt!

jennxaz said...

You got this! glad to read more from you...I've missed you!

Colleen said...

Sorry to hear you have gained, but it sounds like you have a good plan to get back on track!

Anonymous said...

So much of this is the mental aspects- you know that and you know how to win the fight.
And you are right- as long as we never give up then we are winning.

*AStrongNewMe* said...

I am dealing with a lot of disappointment in myself as well. I think the key is to face up to mistakes but not beat ourselves up and tear ourselves down about it. It's a new starting point and a new chance to do it better.

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

You've got this!

BandedIceGirl said...

you can do this, you have even done the hardest thing in my opinion that is acknowledged where you are at now. You will rock this like you did before :D

Linda said...

I'm with you on this - I've been in denial too and my weight is scary. You can do this! You are stronger than that number.

Rhonda said...

You know you can text me anytime if you need an accountability partner!