Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ranting and Raving

**WARNING** This is going to be a ranty, ravy, negative kind of post that doesn't really have any band related things at all so feel free to skip.  I'm just venting today and we will return to our normally scheduled programming tomorrow.  Thank you.

Why is it that some things just don't work out for people?  I have those people where everything just always seems to work out for them and then you have people like me and my hubby and my family...where things just turn to *$&% from the get go and never seem to improve or get any better at all.  Let's go with bullets since it's shorter, easier to clump a bunch of random things together with and give the illusion that you're making some kind of point.
  • Hubby didn't get the federal job.  He didn't get the other job he jumped through 8 million hoops for either.  And we never heard back from the best one.  So we're back to square one.  Not only is he so far down on himself, I have no idea how to pull him out of it, but I'm not too happy with this either.  He's a nice guy, he's competent and good at what he does...why can't he find a better job????  And you know why I think he didn't get these?  Because we really wanted him to.  We could find things to get excited about with each and every one of them and because God apparently hates us or he ceases to exist altogether, NOTHING can work out easily for us.  N.o.t.h.i.n.g.  E.V.E.R.
  • Yesterday, I also found out that my father has to have surgery on his foot.  He burned his foot last week with a scalding cup of coffee (long, stupid story that I don't care to share and you probably would be bored to tears reading).  He went to the workman's compensation approved urgent care, saw a physician's assistant (because no one sees actual effin' doctors anymore!), was given salve and told to go home.  He went back yesterday for a follow up after his foot had turned BLACK and he was still in a great deal of pain.  He saw an actual MD who told him he needed to go to the County Burn Center.  So he went, they admitted him.  They spent yesterday (WAY TMI - and very gross) scraping the dead skin off the bottom of his foot and started treating him for the infection he apparently got also.  He's killed all of  the tissue under the skin as well so that all has to come off and they're going to do skin grafts which I guess means surgery.  He is diabetic and has a heart problem so any kind of surgery is worrisome.
  • So let's recap what's happened in my family since New Year's - we had a terminal brain cancer diagnosis, this recent family drama, 18 billion job declines and now foot surgery.  
  • Hubby's not losing weight.  We all know that until the band is at proper restriction, it doesn't really do much by way of offering help.  But he's getting frustrated and this on top of everything else just isn't helping his ego.
  • I thought I'd look better at 165.  Don't get me wrong, I think I look fine and dandy with my clothes on. It's when I take the clothes OFF, that everything goes to hell.  I mean...I turn into a flabby, ugly, stretch marky mess!  
  • I figured out how to make my Primal Tracking Calendar so that will be posted on 9/1 and am still working on figuring out how to make a badge or something for it for my blog.  I'm not real technically inclined so I'm not hopeful on that.
  • Speaking of not hopeful, I have NO transferable skills.  Seriously, because my company is the only one that really has a group that does what we do, my skills don't really transfer to a different company very well and it's very hard to explain to people what I do.  Not that I'm looking for another job, but it'd be nice to know that when they ship my job offshore, I'll have some options.
  • They changed our insurance stuff at work for 2012.  Thank you health care reform.  It means higher deductibles, more confusing financial stuff and just generally more annoying.  And if you have anything that you see a specialist for on a regular longer covered AT ALL until you've paid your annual deductible.  Guess what category a lapband doc falls into?  Fabulous.
  • It is too freakin' hot to be August!  I mean...seriously?  114???  STILL??  We hit 117 last Friday!  It's absurd.  It's almost Autumn!  
So OK...there you have it.  I'm sure in the grand scheme of things, compared to what a lot of other people go through...people living in the slums of India, people losing loved ones, people who have been unemployed for a year already with no job in sight, rebels in Libya...these are not life or death stuff we're facing here.  I get that.  I get that I should be thankful for the weight I've lost from a healthful perspective and I DO look a lot better with clothes on.  I know I should be grateful that my girls are healthy and happy and I'm able to put them in good schools.  I know I should be thankful that while our lives are a financial mess, that my hubby and I have what's really important - love and that should be enough.  I get all that.  I've always heard that God never gives us more than we can handle.  I gotta tell you though, I'm reaching my limit.  Perhaps I can't take as much as others, perhaps I'm not as strong as other people are but honestly, I'm about ready to freakin' lose it.  

That is all.


Shannon said...

hang in there.
that sucks that hubby didn't get the job. In time he will get one. It took me 6 months to find a job.

I hope things start looking up for you

Rachel said...

you need a hug. (HUUUUUG)

Catherine55 said...

Sending you a hug, too. Hang in there. Sending good vibes your way and positive thoughts for your hubby's band and job prospects! Have him read about bandster hell if he hasn't yet -- could help to really see that he's not alone.

Ronnie said...

Sadly, August is the hottest month around here. :( I can't wait til mid-to-late September!

Also, I'm sorry about your hubby. Is he counting calories? I think that'd help him alot until he gets some restriction.

JRD said...

Sending you a huge hug, and I completely empahthize with you on the Hubby-job thing - my husband has gone through the EXACT same thing here in Montreal, it's ridiculous. And really stressful and painful. At this poin,t I am not sure the universe is friendly at all, rather, I think it might be trying to actively crush us. This is not a nice way to feel. I hate it. Just keep keeping on, my friend. Sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other - amd rant it out! Don't keep it inside! Hugs.

chloes_countdown said...

sending you big hugs!!! I can totally feel for you husband - I've been out of work in the past but it all worked out for the best in the end since I landed a job I really loved.

just keep taking care of each other & yourself. DON'T skimp on exercise or sleep.

~Lisa~ said...

((((hugggggssss))))) to you....

Kristin50 said...

I used to hear the God didn't give us more than we can handle after my son Adam died. All that did was piss me off!!!!

Hugs go out to you and I hope things look up soon for you! We are here for you.

Maria said...

I don't know what to say other than hang in there! And more hugs from me!

Linda said...

Oh, I totally understand everything you're saying. Sometimes it seems every desk is stacked against you.
Sorry about hubby's job hunt and the slow loss with the band. My hubs had problems in the beginning and is finally on track. It's hard b/c you can only give them so much advice then it gets to be an issue in the house. If he every wants to talk to another guy w/a band, my husband would chat with him I'm sure.
Hang in there.

Andrea said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I hope things start turning around really soon!

Anonymous said...

I am very sorry that things are not going well for your family. I also know how it hurts when someone you live is so down on themselves. My hubby lost his business and everything he had. We are trying to hold on to our house that was paid for once and might not be able to. It sucks and it hurts to see them hurt. Plus you have to hide your frustration so they do not feel worse.
Keep looking forward and hug those you love often. That's all I got.