Saturday, January 1, 2011

Reflection on Onederland

First, I'd like to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers during this time.  It never ceases to amaze me the amount of support I receive on my little blog.  My parents made it to my sister's house in record time and initial reports are that it may be even worse than we thought.
@Mo & Kristin:  Thank you so much for the ideas.  Once I have a better idea of what we're looking at, I'll definitely get the ball rolling on a scrapbook of sorts for my sister's family. 
@Patrick:  Thank you for the reminder of how far I've come this year.  Since I'm a little behind posts, I have a new year's post planned where I go into my next challenge.  I went out for New Year's Eve and partied and Lord help felt nice to just celebrate the end of an exciting year the beginning of one, God willing, filled with hope.  Now without further ado...Onederland.

The weigh in was bittersweet.  One the one hand, I was totally ecstatic to finally see a 1 at the beginning of my weight.  I saw 199 about 3 years ago for about a month.  That was going to the gym everyday and breastfeeding (which, for anyone who doesn't know, is GREAT for weight loss).  Before that, I saw Onederland for 2 months in 2004 doing South Beach.  I have officially lost 30 lbs...30% to my ultimate, holy-shit-balls-can-you-believe-it goal. 

So I've lost 30 lbs and my size 18W (stands for "Women" but let's face it, it might as well stand for "Wide" or just quit the pretense and make sizes in "F"s for fatties.  18Fat, 20Fatter, 22Fattest, 24Freakin'Kiddin'right) jeans are literally falling off me.  So I took my Christmas money from my mom and headed to Fashion Bug to buy a new pair of jeans.  Excitedly, I grabbed several size 16's and headed for the dressing room.  After 30 lbs, I thought 16 was a safe bet...just one size and one W down.  I've been reading blogs of ladies who are at a higher weight fitting into 16's.  Even accounting for my short stature, I thought I was OK.  Not even freakin' close.  Ummmmkay.  Moving on to 16W...maybe just the little extra give I need.  Nope. They zipped, they buttoned but can we say muffin top?  Not attractive.  So I check the rack again...feeling dejected and like a total 18's.  Just 18W.  Do they not make 18's anymore?  *SIGH*  So into the dressing room I went.  Swimming in the 18W.  WTF????  So I hit another store that actually has 18's without the W.  They fit.  I'm not crazy about the fit.  Perfect in the stomach, loose in the butt and legs.  Seriously?!?!  I've lost 30 stinkin' pounds and all I've dropped is a W?!?!?  Can this possibly be right?

So needless to say, my initial exuberance in entering Onederland was quickly undone by one shopping trip.  I was reminded once again of why I started this weight loss journey in the first place.  On the one hand, I feel I've already come so far but it certainly drove home the point that I'm nowhere near done.  It also made it nearly impossible to celebrate the victories I've made.  It also brought all those negative self talk comments screaming back into my head.  "Hey Fattie!  Thought you were making progress?  Think again.  Why don't you go drown your sorrows in a Peppermint Chip Shake from Chick-Fil-A?  You'll feel better.  Those jeans don't fit now...what difference will the shake make?"  Well, I can say that despite the yelling, there was no shake.  I went and bought the size 18's to get me through the next month or so and hopefully that will be enough time to get me to anything starting with a 16...even if there's a W in front of it. 

Ugh.  2011 isn't really starting off all that well, is it?  I hope you're all having a better go of it so far.


Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. We are all shaped so differently. It makes no sense at all. Just keep up the good will get there. My prayers and positive thoughts are with you and your family during this sad time.

Amanda said...

You are having a difficult time right now and I am sure it is hard to see the positive! But I can see it. You are doing so well and keep it up! I can't wait to see 18...even if it is a 18W and I bet by next month a 16 will be swimming on ya in the butt too! Chin best you can!

THE DASH! said...

Hey. When ever we go through a tough time, it reflects straight on us - and generally through our weight. You are doing and will continue to do whatever you can - and you will be fine. Happy New Year Chickadee!

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Pants are pants.. I'm just so very proud of your achievement!! You'll continue to shrink - and so will that pants size! We're all so different, but I swear they make pants for ONE woman on earth!!

Happy New Year to YOU, Friend!

Lyla said...

Pants sizing makes no sense to me. I'm in the same place you are, where my 18's are too big but finding the right next size down is next to impossible. I think some of it is the rise of the waist maybe, because I can pick up two pairs of jeans in the same brand and have one fit easily and the other be a "yeah right we'll button, in about 30 more lbs).

You're doing great, especially considering your extra stress.

Phil said...

"....holy-shit-balls-can-you-believe-it goal..." lol, loving that.

I know sometimes it's hard going, mentally, when we are metaphorically slapped in the face by trying on clothes that we are sure should now fit us but we struggle to get past our knees still, but....sometimes we need the slap to keep us from getting complacent. You'll get there.

Rachel said...

Congrats for onederland...regarding the pants I just know that I'm configured differently and it depends on the patient, you have been very consistent with weight loss...I think you are just at a transitional point.

Regarding your sister, I'm glad she has your support. It is such a difficult situation and at ties like that all we can offer is our love and it seems like you have a lot of love and compassion for her. Sorry for your families stress.