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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Bad News - NonBand Related

My brother in law had his surgery yesterday and the outcome is not good.  The tumor had already spread throughout his brain and it is malignant.  I don't know the name of the type of cancer it is but it's very bad and there isn't much they can do.  Radiation will only prolong his life, not save it.  The doctor is giving him 6 months to a year to live.  Apparently, it's the same kind of cancer Ted Kennedy had and he made it 10 months.

Needless to say, my sister is absolutely devastated.  She has two young children (5 and 3) and must be so scared of what all this means for them.  My heart is breaking for all of them.  Obviously very sad for my BIL, but I'm truly so so sad for his family...my sister, my niece, my nephew...his parents.  It's impossible to catch a flight back east right now (they live in South Carolina) with all the weather so my parents started driving yesterday afternoon.  They're hoping to drive straight through so it'll take about 36 hours to get there.  Unfortunately, everyone but my sister lives out here so she has no family with her right now.  Luckily, she's lived in that same town since she was 11 and has lots of close friends.  I know she's getting support but I feel so helpless being so far away.  I'm thinking I will make the trip in a few weeks...after the initial surge of friends and church people have made their way to their house.  After his parents have left (they live in Michigan).  I'm thinking if the family can stagger their visits, she'll have more continual support.  It's just all so awful.

I can't stop thinking about it.  You can't help but reflect on your own life and put yourself in their shoes.  He's so young.  He just turned 40 in September.  Every now and then a thought will pop into my head (like his poor 3 year old probably won't have any memory of her father) and I just start crying.  So definitely the worst news we could've gotten. 

I'll do a regular post tomorrow about Onederland and how it wasn't all it was cracked up to be but I don't have the energy right now.  Hope everyone is doing well in Blogland.  Being off work, I haven't had much time to check in and comment but I'm following as best I can.

Hope you all have a very Happy New Year!

17 comments:

Jen said...

I'm so sorry girl. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. so sad.

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry.

Jess said...

Oh my god this is so heartbreaking. I just can't imagine. I am devastated for him and the family. Oh it just turns my stomach.

I will be thinking of you and your family....

Alison said...

I'm so so sorry, my heart goes out to him, your sister and their little ones. So awful.

Midwest Meg said...

Sending prayers. This is terrible news!

Mo said...

I'm sorry sweety, I know the stomach clenching sadness that these things bring. Good for you to try and be there in those weeks where people have drifted back a distance.
Even from a distance you can be there, send live flowers (like daffodils) just because...anytime over the next few months (unless she says otherwise). I suggest your sister ask his friends to write up stories about him growing up etc and add them and their own photo's to a book. A friend lost her partner last year - children are 2,1 and one on the way. And this is what we all are doing for her and the kids.

Jenny said...

I'm sorry. I like Mo's idea about the stories, if they're willing it helps to keep the person with you. I'm very sorry.

Amanda said...

my heart is breaking for your sister and her family. I am so sorry for them! I wish I had some thing to say that would help but I can't imagine how I would even handle it! Thinking about you all! Love the idea that Mo had as well!

Heather said...

Wow, my heart is breaking for your sister and the kids. A co-worker of mine lost his wife at this age to cancer with young children. It has been hard. She will definately need support throughout this time!

Linda said...

I'm so sorry about your brother in law. I have no words when I think about those little ones.

Kristin said...

Mo's story reminded me: When my husband's college roommate died on his 38th birthday, my husband contacted several of their mutual friends and collected stories and pictures and memories. He put them all together in one of those photo books you can make on Snapfish or Kodakgallery for his friend's daughter, who was three when her dad died. It took a couple years for my husband to get the book just the way he wanted, but when he finished, he sent copies to his friend's whole family including his wife and daughter. They all LOVED it. It's a wonderful way to help keep memories alive.

Read said...

I'm so very, very sorry to hear this. I'm sending prayers out to your sister and BIL. My heart is breaking for them all.

Catherine55 said...

Manda, I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you a big hug, and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Manda.... I am sooooo terribly sorry to hear the news is so bad.... You and your familt are in my prayers.... (((((huggggggssss))))) to you... Always, my Friend. I'm here for you...

Sam said...

I am so sorry you; your sister and your family are going through this. Please know you are in my thoughts and {{{{hugs}}}} are being sent your way!!!!

Patrick said...

Sorry to hear about your BIL and his run-in with cancer. It is hard to find any joyat years end with news such as that. i do hope all will go as well as it can in his fight ahead.

If I may, thinking of just you; you had a great 2010 in making progress towards a healthier you. Do find a moment to smile and pat yourself on the back; you deserve it. Happy New Year!

Bonnie said...

I am so sorry about your brother in law. I could cry right now thinking about it.