Friday, December 10, 2010

Tracking Day 4 - Thoughts on Shyness

Day 3: Calories - Check (even with the muffin)
           Activity - CHECK
           No Fast Food - Check
           Water - Check

Not a bad looking day, eh?  To answer Lori's question regarding what "ridiculous" calories were - I hit the 2000 mark - two meals out where I didn't make the best choices did me in.  I got on my treadmill at home last night.  Longest 30 minutes of my life.  For some reason, the treadmill on the gym doesn't bore me like my one at home.  We have a good one but I can't see the TV because the treadmill sits too high or my TV sits too low, depending on how you look at it.  But I did one of the preprogrammed workouts and it had me walking for 1.5 minutes and running for 30 seconds.  Wow.  I seriously can't run... but I did.  And I lived.  Will probably do this kind of interval training while I gear up for my next challenge which I will go into in a different post.

Today...I want to talk about shyness.  A blog I follow covered this in great detail on how this particular person overcame his shyness.  I think being overweight lends a different perspective to this though.  For instance, many of the bloggers I follow state how they became the "life of the party", "the funny one" or the "the people pleaser" to be accepted even though they're fat.  They felt the need to do this to compensate for what (whether they realize it or not) they perceived to be a negative trait about themselves.  Just as you have these people, there are people on the opposite side of the spectrum...the shy ones.  The socially anxious ones.  The "I'd rather die than walk into the middle of a party alone" ones.  These are the ones who were possibly humiliated by their weight (or possibly by some other event in their past - I know it's not all about the weight people) or felt they were being judged or wouldn't be accepted by others.

So where do I fall in this spectrum?  Smack dab in the middle.  To a certain extent, I think I have somewhat of a split personality disorder.  At work, I am outgoing and confident.  I'll speak to everyone at a meeting or work gathering whether I know them or not.  Socially, I'd rather crawl under a rock than talk to people I don't know.  Once I get to know someone, I'm funny and opinion rarely goes unstated.  But I feel that when I first meet people, my true personality doesn't come through at all.  I'm rather reserved, maybe a small joke here or there, but overall I don't say much at all and let the conversation really take place amongst others.  My hubby is the exact opposite of me.  He's the loud one, the gregarious one, the hilarious one and the one everyone likes to talk to and he can talk to just about anyone about almost anything.  We make quite the pair.  It's amazing we ever hooked up in the first place.  It probably helped that we met at work where Personality A shows up.  Why is there a discrepancy between work and home?  The only answer I can conjure is that most of the conversations at work revolve around, well, WORK.  I'm VERY competent at what I do, I know our processes end to end and am considered a subject matter expert regarding everything our department does.  I can't help but feel confident in that situation because no matter what they ask me, I know the answer or can find the answer or can BS a suitable answer. enough rambling about my issue.  The question is why am I shy in my personal life?  I've always been kinda shy...clung to my mother at birthday parties when I was younger and that sort of thing so maybe it's something too engrained to change.  I know I've always wanted nothing more to be accepted and be part of the "in" group and I know I've never felt like I was.  I know I don't like people looking at me but I can't really say if this is a relatively new phenomenon.  Will this change when I lose weight?  I'm worried I'll say something stupid or make a joke that offends somebody.  But seriously, I wasn't raised in a barn so is this something I should be overly concerned with?  My shyness doesn't keep me from going out, doesn't keep me from meeting new people or going out with my hubby.  So is this something to even be concerned about?  I say yes.  I say this because every time I know we're going out with someone new, I get nervous and don't have as good a time as I'd like.  I say this because I'm not particularly friendly with the neighbors and it's good to know your neighbors.  I say this because this is how you meet people and everyone could use more friends!  I lived in Ohio very briefly a few years back and we had all kinds of couples we hung out with and did things with.  We moved back to AZ (grew up here) and we've yet to find even one couple that we can routinely hang out with.  I think part of this is due to my shyness issue.

So my dear blogging friends, it's time this girly break out of her shell.  The question is how do I do this.  Well, for starters, I'm going to smile, make eye contact and say hello to at least 2 people I don't know every day.  I'm going to make idle chit chat with random people...the clerk at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, the Starbucks lady (on the rare occasion when I treat myself...ahem) to get used to talking to people.  I'm also going to try some positive reinforcement.  Remind myself before we go somewhere I'll be uncomfortable that I'm worth getting to know, I'm not going to say something stupid and I have something to contribute to the conversation.  I'm going to convince myself I'm not shy anymore and then maybe eventually, I'll start to believe it.  The first test is next hubby's office Christmas party.  We skipped last year's (one guess why) so we're going this year.  I'm going to make nice and be charming...even if it kills me.  I leave you with a Friday Funny:


Amanda said...

lol!! funny cartoon! I know how you feel in the shyness! Sometimes I am totally in there and the life and sometimes I am on the outside. And the thing is I put myself there. Sometimes I feel left out but I have been realizing that I put myself there! But I have been changing the older i get I think! Looking forward to hearing abou tthe Christmas party and the outward attention!

Barbara said...

Hey Manda.. I am just catching up and love your program.. the band is great but you really do need to get the band and brain in sync... so good for you as you have an action plan and now you are executing.. as far as the shyness.. I think it sometimes is a more issue of hesitating to engage.. always worried about what people will think.. belive me.. with WL comes confidence and once you have that.. the shyness seems to peel away.. I will be following your journey closely.. and want to save I am there pulling for your refocus..

amandakiska said...

Interesting post. I've always preferred the term "reserved" to shy. I tend to be fairly quiet in social situations - not because I don't want to draw attention to myself or because I lack confidence, but because until I know someone, I don't want to invest much of myself in the situation. Does that make sense?

Phil said...

Sounds like we've got a future "Social Butterfly" on our hands here! lol. I am loving the positivity here manda and can relate to the shyness issue - I need to take a leaf out of your book i think.

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Terrific post! Shyness is an issue that many of us who aren't, shall I say, our ideal weight have. Perhaps it is because we see ourselves with different eyes, and those different eyes make it a point to emphasize every flaw, every thing we believe is negative about ourselves. I love your plan though - and I believe something like that will work for many of us! Thank you for exploring and giving us food for thought about a very uncomfortable and not uncommon problem...

Gen said...

Great post. Split personality here too, sometimes life of the party, sometimes totally quiet and reserved...But losing weight has made me so much more confident - I think its the "real" me. I bet you will find this too.