Tracking Day 4 - Thoughts on Shyness

Day 3: Calories - Check (even with the muffin)
           Activity - CHECK
           No Fast Food - Check
           Water - Check

Not a bad looking day, eh?  To answer Lori's question regarding what "ridiculous" calories were - I hit the 2000 mark - two meals out where I didn't make the best choices did me in.  I got on my treadmill at home last night.  Longest 30 minutes of my life.  For some reason, the treadmill on the gym doesn't bore me like my one at home.  We have a good one but I can't see the TV because the treadmill sits too high or my TV sits too low, depending on how you look at it.  But I did one of the preprogrammed workouts and it had me walking for 1.5 minutes and running for 30 seconds.  Wow.  I seriously can't run... but I did.  And I lived.  Will probably do this kind of interval training while I gear up for my next challenge which I will go into in a different post.

Today...I want to talk about shyness.  A blog I follow covered this in great detail on how this particular person overcame his shyness.  I think being overweight lends a different perspective to this though.  For instance, many of the bloggers I follow state how they became the "life of the party", "the funny one" or the "the people pleaser" to be accepted even though they're fat.  They felt the need to do this to compensate for what (whether they realize it or not) they perceived to be a negative trait about themselves.  Just as you have these people, there are people on the opposite side of the spectrum...the shy ones.  The socially anxious ones.  The "I'd rather die than walk into the middle of a party alone" ones.  These are the ones who were possibly humiliated by their weight (or possibly by some other event in their past - I know it's not all about the weight people) or felt they were being judged or wouldn't be accepted by others.

So where do I fall in this spectrum?  Smack dab in the middle.  To a certain extent, I think I have somewhat of a split personality disorder.  At work, I am outgoing and confident.  I'll speak to everyone at a meeting or work gathering whether I know them or not.  Socially, I'd rather crawl under a rock than talk to people I don't know.  Once I get to know someone, I'm funny and outspoken...my opinion rarely goes unstated.  But I feel that when I first meet people, my true personality doesn't come through at all.  I'm rather reserved, maybe a small joke here or there, but overall I don't say much at all and let the conversation really take place amongst others.  My hubby is the exact opposite of me.  He's the loud one, the gregarious one, the hilarious one and the one everyone likes to talk to and he can talk to just about anyone about almost anything.  We make quite the pair.  It's amazing we ever hooked up in the first place.  It probably helped that we met at work where Personality A shows up.  Why is there a discrepancy between work and home?  The only answer I can conjure is that most of the conversations at work revolve around, well, WORK.  I'm VERY competent at what I do, I know our processes end to end and am considered a subject matter expert regarding everything our department does.  I can't help but feel confident in that situation because no matter what they ask me, I know the answer or can find the answer or can BS a suitable answer.

OK...so enough rambling about my issue.  The question is why am I shy in my personal life?  I've always been kinda shy...clung to my mother at birthday parties when I was younger and that sort of thing so maybe it's something too engrained to change.  I know I've always wanted nothing more to be accepted and be part of the "in" group and I know I've never felt like I was.  I know I don't like people looking at me but I can't really say if this is a relatively new phenomenon.  Will this change when I lose weight?  I'm worried I'll say something stupid or make a joke that offends somebody.  But seriously, I wasn't raised in a barn so is this something I should be overly concerned with?  My shyness doesn't keep me from going out, doesn't keep me from meeting new people or going out with my hubby.  So is this something to even be concerned about?  I say yes.  I say this because every time I know we're going out with someone new, I get nervous and don't have as good a time as I'd like.  I say this because I'm not particularly friendly with the neighbors and it's good to know your neighbors.  I say this because this is how you meet people and everyone could use more friends!  I lived in Ohio very briefly a few years back and we had all kinds of couples we hung out with and did things with.  We moved back to AZ (grew up here) and we've yet to find even one couple that we can routinely hang out with.  I think part of this is due to my shyness issue.

So my dear blogging friends, it's time this girly break out of her shell.  The question is how do I do this.  Well, for starters, I'm going to smile, make eye contact and say hello to at least 2 people I don't know every day.  I'm going to make idle chit chat with random people...the clerk at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, the Starbucks lady (on the rare occasion when I treat myself...ahem) to get used to talking to people.  I'm also going to try some positive reinforcement.  Remind myself before we go somewhere I'll be uncomfortable that I'm worth getting to know, I'm not going to say something stupid and I have something to contribute to the conversation.  I'm going to convince myself I'm not shy anymore and then maybe eventually, I'll start to believe it.  The first test is next week...my hubby's office Christmas party.  We skipped last year's (one guess why) so we're going this year.  I'm going to make nice and be charming...even if it kills me.  I leave you with a Friday Funny: