Bad News - NonBand Related

My brother in law had his surgery yesterday and the outcome is not good.  The tumor had already spread throughout his brain and it is malignant.  I don't know the name of the type of cancer it is but it's very bad and there isn't much they can do.  Radiation will only prolong his life, not save it.  The doctor is giving him 6 months to a year to live.  Apparently, it's the same kind of cancer Ted Kennedy had and he made it 10 months.

Needless to say, my sister is absolutely devastated.  She has two young children (5 and 3) and must be so scared of what all this means for them.  My heart is breaking for all of them.  Obviously very sad for my BIL, but I'm truly so so sad for his family...my sister, my niece, my nephew...his parents.  It's impossible to catch a flight back east right now (they live in South Carolina) with all the weather so my parents started driving yesterday afternoon.  They're hoping to drive straight through so it'll take about 36 hours to get there.  Unfortunately, everyone but my sister lives out here so she has no family with her right now.  Luckily, she's lived in that same town since she was 11 and has lots of close friends.  I know she's getting support but I feel so helpless being so far away.  I'm thinking I will make the trip in a few weeks...after the initial surge of friends and church people have made their way to their house.  After his parents have left (they live in Michigan).  I'm thinking if the family can stagger their visits, she'll have more continual support.  It's just all so awful.

I can't stop thinking about it.  You can't help but reflect on your own life and put yourself in their shoes.  He's so young.  He just turned 40 in September.  Every now and then a thought will pop into my head (like his poor 3 year old probably won't have any memory of her father) and I just start crying.  So definitely the worst news we could've gotten. 

I'll do a regular post tomorrow about Onederland and how it wasn't all it was cracked up to be but I don't have the energy right now.  Hope everyone is doing well in Blogland.  Being off work, I haven't had much time to check in and comment but I'm following as best I can.

Hope you all have a very Happy New Year!

Walking In A Winter...

Onederland!



Merry Christmas

I work a half day today and then it's time for the festivities.  I have all next week off to spend with my girls and I'm REALLY looking forward to that.  This is one of my favorite lines from the infamous "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" first published in The Sun in 1897.  You can read the entire article by clicking on the text.  It just makes me think that you haven't REALLY experienced Christmas until you can see it through the eyes of a child.  I enjoy Christmas so much more now that I have kids.  I've always liked Christmas but it's still so magical to my kids. 

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.


No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

For those who don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.  I hope you can appreciate the more secular side of the holiday...the tree, the lights, the whole idea of peace on earth and goodwill to men.

For believers, I hope we can keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas and appreciate the blessings in our lives.

For everyone - Just a reminder that with Christmas looming tomorrow, it's important to keep in mind that at this point we need to let go of the imperfections in ourselves and in others.  It doesn't matter if all the cookies didn't get baked, carols didn't get sung, cards didn't get mailed.  It's about the friends and family that we share this time with.  Appreciate all the wonderful people in your life who love you and support you all year long.  Also remember that no one is perfect.  Holidays can bring out the best...and the worst...in people.  Try to see past the flaws and get to know the person inside.  This includes the person who cuts you off to take the last parking space at the mall, the person with a cart full of groceries in the express lane and the crazy aunt who insists on explaining everything you're doing wrong with raising your children. 

Merry Christmas everybody!  I hope your holiday is as merry and bright as can be!

I leave you with pictures of my daughters with Santa.  He was at a local restaurant here in town when we went to lunch a few weeks ago.  We didn't know he'd be there so I took these with my phone which is why they're a little blurry and my kids aren't dressed as cute as they would've been otherwise.

P.S.  The girls loved the movie and my hubby said they sat and were quiet through the whole thing.  Glad it all went so well!

I've Been Inducted

First, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  Not much to update.  My brother-in-law is feeling much better as of last night.  I guess the pain has calmed to a dull ache as opposed to a constant throbbing.  He had another MRI yesterday to see if the swelling has gone down.  Seeing as he's in less pain, I would think it has but we haven't gotten the results yet.  If he can be relatively pain free over Christmas, we would be very grateful.

As for the title of this post, it happened.  I have officially been inducted to Bandland.  I had my first PB last night.  For anyone who might not know...PB stands for "productive burp," a horrible name for anything if I do say so myself.  They call it this instead of vomiting but it still sounds gross.  It's very difficult to explain to people who haven't experienced it what it's like and I won't attempt to do so here.  I will say this.  It was more... violent...than I thought it would be.  For some reason, I just imagined food just popping back out.  Not so much.  However, I was relieved that it didn't involve the same kind of retching or nastiness of actually throwing up.  The culprit?  I'm pretty sure corn on the cob and eating too fast.  At least that's all I can put together.  I've been struggling with the eating slower and chewing as well as I should and it finally came back to bite me.  If anything, with the way I've been eating, it at least let me know the band was, in fact, in there.  It also taught me that I REALLY don't want it to happen again.  I'm not a fool...I know I probably won't get through life with a lapband and only PB once but it's good to have goals.

The eating so far this week has been really good.  Portions are in control, not too many sweets and working harder to get my protein and fiber in.  All good things.  I'm finishing up my Christmas shopping today.  Time has just gotten away from me so I really gotta get this done. 

My hubby is taking my girls to the movies today.  What a brave soul he is!  They're going to see the new Yogi Bear movie.  Maddie (5) has been to only one other movie and we didn't take her to that until she  was 4.  She always had issues sitting still.  She did great though so I don't worry about her.  Lori (3), however, has never been to a movie and I'm worried about how she'll do.  She's still pretty little and has a lot of energy so I'm not sure that she'll sit still that long.  So not only is he attempting to take Lori to her first movie by himself but he's actually attempting to take BOTH girls by himself.  I wish him good luck on his adventure today. 

Brother In Law

Received some sad news yesterday.  My brother-in-law (my sister's husband) has a brain tumor.  He'd been suffering from headaches the last couple months and, thinking it was migraines, was given migraine medication in October.  This last headache started last week and had gotten progressively worse so his doctor worked him in yesterday.  He ordered an MRI immediately and they found the tumor.  It is operable and he'll have surgery a week from Wednesday.  His brain is swelling so he's been given steroids to address that issue but because of the steroids, they cannot give him any heavy duty pain killers so he's suffering, to say the least.  They let him go home and he's going to do all of the pre-surgery prep and steroid treatments outpatient so at least he'll be able to spend Christmas with my sister and their kids.  Unfortunately, they won't know if it's malignant or benign until they get in there and see what's what.  Right now we're just hoping the swelling goes down.  Please keep my sister and her family in your thoughts and send good vibes their way.

Weigh In 12/20/10

I'm at 200.0 lbs.  So I lost the pound I gained last week.  *SIGH*  Seems I've lost this same pound over and over the last few weeks.  The potlucks went well...from a socializing point of view.  If you read back to my "Shy" post, I wasn't exactly looking forward to these events but I wound up having a really good time.  The first potluck was Friday night with my husband's friends.  It was family friendly so we took the girls.  Lots of good food but not many sweets which was a welcome change of pace.  I ate just a little of everything but I drank my weight in wine.  Eek!  I laughed, I was charming (at least I thought so) and I had a very nice time.  The second potluck was with my husband's work people.  Obviously, I did not drink my weight in wine at that one but I did eat more because there was more room to sit down and less finger foods.  They had ham, lasagna, some Alfredo dish, brussel sprouts, etc.  Since it was more like a meal, I actually sat down and ate which is good and bad.  Bad in that I loaded more than I should have on to my plate but good that I didn't graze all night.  I did have two small slices of dessert though which I had avoided at the previous potluck.  All in all, I feel I did OK.  My girls loved going and it was nice to be able to put faces to the names that my hubby talks about all the time.  I also think I did OK in the whole "wife of a lawyer" thing.  I talked with them about a couple of current events without letting on that I'm a conservative (lawyers for the state are notoriously liberal) and let some of my more benign witticisms come out.  LOL.  Overall, I did alright and actually enjoyed myself.

Soccer went well.  @Amanda:  That's so funny that your daughter would just let them have the ball.  I'm sure my daughter would be the same way if we kept pursuing the sport.  She did better her last day than she had all season.  She really tried hard which was an improvement so I feel we finished strong.  She got a trophy for participating and a medal for perfect attendance.  Someday I'll write a post about how I feel about the whole "everybody gets a trophy" thing.  To put it short and sweet, at this age, I think it's great... but the competitive nature in me stops the warm and fuzzy feelings there.  It'll be nice to have Saturday mornings free for awhile.

Was tough coming back to work this morning.  My hubby and the kids have this week off so they were all snug in their beds when I left.  Made me want to crawl back into bed as well.  I have the week after Christmas off with the kids so I take comfort in the fact that my hubby will be feeling this way NEXT week.  LOL.  Hope all of you had a wonderful weekend and are winding down your Christmas shopping.  My hubby's gift has finally shipped and should be here tomorrow.  Keep your fingers crossed.  I still have to buy for my mom and dad.  I know what I'm getting them...it's just actually making it out to the stores to buy them that seems to be the problem.  I'll be trying to catch up on blogs this week but it may be tough as we have a lot of people out for the holiday so I'm backing them all up.  I'm leaving early Christmas Eve, however, come hell or high water.  Happy Monday!

Week In Review

Overall, I feel pretty good about the week.  Up until yesterday I didn't really feel like I overate.  Unfortunately, I've entered the land of potlucks. We had one at work yesterday, we're going to one tonight and we have one tomorrow.  Don't get me wrong.  I love potlucks.  You get an ecclectic mix of foods from lasagna to enchiladas, meatballs of every variety, 18 different kinds of chips with corresponding dips, 6 different kinds of humus with the pita bread of course.  Then there's the desserts... cakes, pies, streudels, cookies (Oh my!  The cookies alone - sugar, gingerbread, snickerdoodle, chocolate chip w/little andes mints in them...ah. The possibilities...).  Put all of these delectable confections in one room and it's where nutrition goes to die.  Don't get me wrong.  I certainly have done better than in years past but it was still ugly.  I still have such a hard time saying no to such goodies.  Honestly, if I can get through this week without gaining, I'll call it a success.

On the activity front.  PITIFUL.  I didn't go to the gym once this week.  The trip to the playground?  Delayed by unruly children, stomach bugs and an ear infection (all concerning 3 different people).  I just couldn't seem to get off my lazy bum to do much of anything this week. 

As far as the water goes - CHECK.  That's the only thing I've been good about.  At my work gift exchange, I received one of those Starbucks tumblers for cold drinks.  It's a 16 oz cup with the straw and everything...keeps water SUPER cold which is nice.  But I know if I drink 4 of them, I've hit my water goal each day and doing it this way has it made it surprisingly easy. 

Fast food?  CHECK.  No fast food for me this week.  I might have Subway on Sunday...I think it was Sunday but out of all the fast food places in the world, this one just isn't that bad.

So I'm 2 for 4 on what I wanted to be consistently doing every day.  This isn't acceptable by any means.  The most immediate threat are these potlucks...my goal?  Just not to gorge myself on everything in sight.  Make the best choice of the options and only eat ONCE.  Do SOMETHING active this weekend.  ANYTHING.  Doesn't matter what it is...just get out and DO something.  Then Monday...back to the gym.  I've got to get back to the freakin' gym.  I don't know why this has been so difficult.  I had gotten into such a good groove and actually was enjoying going and then POOF!  That motivation and drive has just dissipated into thin air.  Gotta get this back.  I know people who've lost weight having never been to the gym.  They walk, they run, they do exercise videos, they hike.  This is all well and good and I want to do all these things too.  However, obviously if left to my own devices, I won't do diddly.  I think I need a gym to stay on track...make the fitness a priority.  By actually having to GO, somehow I'm more likely to do it then if I have the option to "do it when I get home."  Then I get home and I see other things I should be doing and I get distracted.  Of course, right now...I haven't done anything at home OR at the gym so maybe it's all just excuses. 

My oldest has an ear infection.  Poor thing.  I can tell it's really hurting her...took her the doctor yesterday and she's now on antibiotics.  This is her fourth ear infection this year.  Doc said if they hit 6, they refer out to an ENT.  I'm hoping we don't have to go through all that.  She's 5...seems a little old for tubes or something.  My youngest has a doctor's appointment today for her 3 year check up.  She has to get a shot, of course.  Seems like until they're 4, they're always getting shots for something.  Regardless of how you feel about vaccinations (NOT a debate I'd like to get into), we can all agree that it sucks to get a shot.  My oldest has her last soccer game tomorrow morning.  Thank God!  I think I could handle a kid who just isn't good at sports but her general lack of concern over the ball that is actually rolling OVER her foot drives me absolutely crazy!  Already at age 5, she's more concerned with her hair and outfit than actually playing the game.  I don't think I see soccer in her future.  It was a nice noncompetitive way to introduce her to the game and it wasn't too expensive to find out she has no interest whatsoever in the sport.  Her sister, however, is gonna love it.  She's already pretty good at kicking the ball around.  I think we're going to sign my oldest up for swimming next.  She's a pretty good little swimmer.  She learned at age 2 and LOVES it.  And of course, she'd love to be able to swim in the winter.  So we'll see about that.

With that, I leave you with a Friday Funny...

Weigh In Day - Gain

And so this is Monday...

I'm at 201 today.  1 lb gain from last week.  I'm OK with this.  Not happy, mind you, but OK.  Why am I OK?  Because I know why this gain happened.  It's not like I was the model bandster last week.  After tracking my calories, I can see quite clearly why that gain occurred.  This is definitely less frustrating than when you're doing everything right and still see a gain on the scale.  So...got a plan for this week.  Still tracking and all that, but I made it to the grocery store and actually have my meals planned out a bit.  I also know that Wednesday isn't going to be an ideal day because I have the day off with my hubby and we're going to a movie and lunch.  Indian food so nothing too unhealthy there...just gotta watch the portion.  I'm going to account for that day though so hopefully I'll be under 200 by next Monday.

Weekend was good but way too short.  I did virtually nothing on Saturday.  Sunday, we did the grocery shopping and took the kids to the zoo.  The walk around the zoo was my activity for that day...2 hours of walking around pretty much continuously.  With the kids though, it certainly wasn't a brisk pace.  LOL.  Tomorrow I'm taking the girls to the neighborhood playground.  It's 2 miles round trip. I'm going to have them ride their bikes so I can go at a good clip.  I want to do this a couple times a week not only so I get my own activity in but also so they can be active once we get home. 

Not a whole lot going on otherwise.  Gearing up for the new week.  Hope it's a good one for all of you!

Tracking Day 4 - Thoughts on Shyness

Day 3: Calories - Check (even with the muffin)
           Activity - CHECK
           No Fast Food - Check
           Water - Check

Not a bad looking day, eh?  To answer Lori's question regarding what "ridiculous" calories were - I hit the 2000 mark - two meals out where I didn't make the best choices did me in.  I got on my treadmill at home last night.  Longest 30 minutes of my life.  For some reason, the treadmill on the gym doesn't bore me like my one at home.  We have a good one but I can't see the TV because the treadmill sits too high or my TV sits too low, depending on how you look at it.  But I did one of the preprogrammed workouts and it had me walking for 1.5 minutes and running for 30 seconds.  Wow.  I seriously can't run... but I did.  And I lived.  Will probably do this kind of interval training while I gear up for my next challenge which I will go into in a different post.

Today...I want to talk about shyness.  A blog I follow covered this in great detail on how this particular person overcame his shyness.  I think being overweight lends a different perspective to this though.  For instance, many of the bloggers I follow state how they became the "life of the party", "the funny one" or the "the people pleaser" to be accepted even though they're fat.  They felt the need to do this to compensate for what (whether they realize it or not) they perceived to be a negative trait about themselves.  Just as you have these people, there are people on the opposite side of the spectrum...the shy ones.  The socially anxious ones.  The "I'd rather die than walk into the middle of a party alone" ones.  These are the ones who were possibly humiliated by their weight (or possibly by some other event in their past - I know it's not all about the weight people) or felt they were being judged or wouldn't be accepted by others.

So where do I fall in this spectrum?  Smack dab in the middle.  To a certain extent, I think I have somewhat of a split personality disorder.  At work, I am outgoing and confident.  I'll speak to everyone at a meeting or work gathering whether I know them or not.  Socially, I'd rather crawl under a rock than talk to people I don't know.  Once I get to know someone, I'm funny and outspoken...my opinion rarely goes unstated.  But I feel that when I first meet people, my true personality doesn't come through at all.  I'm rather reserved, maybe a small joke here or there, but overall I don't say much at all and let the conversation really take place amongst others.  My hubby is the exact opposite of me.  He's the loud one, the gregarious one, the hilarious one and the one everyone likes to talk to and he can talk to just about anyone about almost anything.  We make quite the pair.  It's amazing we ever hooked up in the first place.  It probably helped that we met at work where Personality A shows up.  Why is there a discrepancy between work and home?  The only answer I can conjure is that most of the conversations at work revolve around, well, WORK.  I'm VERY competent at what I do, I know our processes end to end and am considered a subject matter expert regarding everything our department does.  I can't help but feel confident in that situation because no matter what they ask me, I know the answer or can find the answer or can BS a suitable answer.

OK...so enough rambling about my issue.  The question is why am I shy in my personal life?  I've always been kinda shy...clung to my mother at birthday parties when I was younger and that sort of thing so maybe it's something too engrained to change.  I know I've always wanted nothing more to be accepted and be part of the "in" group and I know I've never felt like I was.  I know I don't like people looking at me but I can't really say if this is a relatively new phenomenon.  Will this change when I lose weight?  I'm worried I'll say something stupid or make a joke that offends somebody.  But seriously, I wasn't raised in a barn so is this something I should be overly concerned with?  My shyness doesn't keep me from going out, doesn't keep me from meeting new people or going out with my hubby.  So is this something to even be concerned about?  I say yes.  I say this because every time I know we're going out with someone new, I get nervous and don't have as good a time as I'd like.  I say this because I'm not particularly friendly with the neighbors and it's good to know your neighbors.  I say this because this is how you meet people and everyone could use more friends!  I lived in Ohio very briefly a few years back and we had all kinds of couples we hung out with and did things with.  We moved back to AZ (grew up here) and we've yet to find even one couple that we can routinely hang out with.  I think part of this is due to my shyness issue.

So my dear blogging friends, it's time this girly break out of her shell.  The question is how do I do this.  Well, for starters, I'm going to smile, make eye contact and say hello to at least 2 people I don't know every day.  I'm going to make idle chit chat with random people...the clerk at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, the Starbucks lady (on the rare occasion when I treat myself...ahem) to get used to talking to people.  I'm also going to try some positive reinforcement.  Remind myself before we go somewhere I'll be uncomfortable that I'm worth getting to know, I'm not going to say something stupid and I have something to contribute to the conversation.  I'm going to convince myself I'm not shy anymore and then maybe eventually, I'll start to believe it.  The first test is next week...my hubby's office Christmas party.  We skipped last year's (one guess why) so we're going this year.  I'm going to make nice and be charming...even if it kills me.  I leave you with a Friday Funny:

Tracking Update - Day 3

Hoo Doggy!  I can take in a ridiculous amount of calories.  Thought I had been doing so well.

Day 1 - Calories - Check
             Water - Check
              Activity - No Check
              No Fast Food - Check

Day 2 - Calories - No Check - Holy calorie balls Batman!  I went a little nuts yesterday.  WAY overshot my calorie goal and it wasn't pretty.
             Water - Check
             Activity - No Check - really?
             No Fast Food - Check

Day 3 - Calories - MUCH better than yesterday but still unacceptable.  Darn people who offer you free muffins.  Like I need muffins!  I know, I know.  No one was holding a gun to my heading FORCING me to eat the muffin.  Must work on saying NO.
             Water - Halfway there
             Activity - Not yet - will definitely do this after work today.  Thinking the treadmill at home
             No Fast Food - Check

So there you have it.  I couldn't even go 3 days without seriously going off plan.  But in a BIG way, I stayed on plan by logging what I ate.  I owned up to it.  I didn't hide it.  I didn't pretend it didn't happen.  So that, in itself, is a small victory.  The real victory will come with the changes I make.  I'm a work in progress....and I think the progress is moving right along.

REFOCUS

It seems that a lot of people out in weight loss blogland are having a hard time keeping their eye on the prize during the silliness of the holiday season.  I am no exception.  I think it's easy to get caught up in the holiday fervor of peppermint bark, eggnog, gingerbread cookies and chocolate covered cherries (mmmmmmmm....cherries).  I am supposed to have an appointment with my doc next week.  Honestly, I don't think he'd give me a fill because he was hesitant to give me one last month (not really sure why).  I've also got some insurance hoops to deal with and I don't see them getting resolved by next week.  All this just to say, I probably won't be seeing my doc for fill until mid January or so.  So until then, I need to work my band just as it is and stick to the plan.  I'm not starving between meals or anything, it's more the choices I'm making.  So...the word of the month is REFOCUS.

I've been thinking of a plan to get back on track.  So to help me REFOCUS in December:

1. Do at least 30 minutes of activity 4 times a week.  This isn't specific to the gym because it's just tough getting there sometimes.  I think the 4 hours of putting up Christmas lights and going up and down the ladder (my thighs and glutes are seriously sore) count.  My oldest has been begging to get the training wheels off her bike.  All this counts.
2. Going back to lifestyle change #2 - no more fast food!  Yes...I had fallen back into this nasty habit.  Well, no more.
3. Drink at least 64 oz. of water EVERY DAY.  No exception.  Chug it if I have to but that water is going down.
4. Log my food.  I hate doing this.  I'll be honest.  I hate any program that makes me track my food.  However, given this is the season of special treats, I'm going to do this for the month of December.  This will not only allow me to see how my normal intake is adding up but also allows me to see when I can afford to partake is those special treats.  Call it "planned veering" if you will.

So there you have it.  That is my plan to REFOCUS in December.  It's only December 7th so I'm not way late on starting this.  You'll notice that none of these items are based on a weight loss goal.  I've decided that setting a time frame for a certain number of lbs to come flying off my body isn't motivating for me.  Just makes me feel like a loser if I don't hit it.  Instead, I've chosen action items.  Things I can mark off my list each day.  I truly believe if I do these 4 things every day, the lbs will come off on their own without my telling them to.  So, for those of you struggling... How do you plan to REFOCUS?

Weigh In and House Pics

Good morning and Happy Monday to one and all!  Today is Weigh Day and no, I haven't hit Onederland.  I am sitting on exactly 200.0 lbs.  I'm OK with this because it's still a 1.5 lb loss from last week so the scale is still heading the right direction so I'll take what I can get.  Hoping I can post that Onederland post next Monday. 

In a better place today than I was last week.  First, my mother called and apologized.  While it didn't make me feel as better as I thought it would right away...I'm definitely feeling better about the whole situation at this point. 

I also took on Linda's challenge.  I spent the weekend decorating my house for Christmas.  Even my hubby helped and he usually doesn't.  The whole family got involved (which is why most of the ornaments are towards the bottom of the tree. LOL) and the girls are really excited about Christmas now.  The yard isn't quite done.  I have an inflatable Santa, some more yard stake type items and a sign on their way so then I'll be officially done.  What kind of fun did everyone else participate in this weekend?

Here are some pics.  Enjoy!  And have a fabulous week!


There are bushes to the left that have lights too but a
neighborhood cat keeps unplugging them!



That's our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree next to a very small, cheap
nativity.  I'd love to buy a better one but finances haven't permitted yet.  Both
to remind me of the true meaning of Christmas

The smaller stockings that are attached to the girls' are for their
 "babies" (their favorite stuffed animals)

Case of the Fridays?

We've all heard the Office Space classic line "Looks like somebody's got a case of Mondays."  Well, I apparently have a case of the Fridays.  I'd love to tell you that it means I'm in a great mood - perky and ready to take on the world.  But I'm just...not.

Nothing horrible has happened.  There are some of us in Blogland going through some really serious stuff...illnesses, loss of loved ones, etc.  I'm not going through any of that so that may make this post seem kinda whiny but oh well...here we go - bullet style.

• I was supposed to go back to the gym on Monday.  I had given myself a couple weeks off after my walk to recuperate and get geared up for more working out.  It is now Friday and I haven't been to the gym all week.  Such a lazy %*@!  Blah!
• My family issues STILL have not been resolved.  I'm so sad about this.  I won't go into all the details but my parents still believe they've done nothing wrong.  Even if they think this, you'd think they could apologize without actually owning up to a mistake...say something like "We're sorry we upset you...we didn't think you'd get that worked up," or something like that.  But NO.  And they're so freakin' stubborn.  The problem is until they own up to the fact that maybe what they did wasn't the best idea, I can't possibly begin to forgive them.  It's the holidays for goodness sake!  A time to put things behind you and be with family and friends but I can't because they screwed me over too close to Christmas!  Blah!
• Work still sucks.  I like my job and it's a decent job.  I know in this economy I should just feel lucky I have one.  But I feel like they pile a lot of work on me while my partner doesn't take on nearly the same amount of responsibility and I feel I am not adequately rewarded for it.  I don't need a lot of recognition or pats on the back but come raise/bonus time, I feel I should be acknowledged with a heftier paycheck.  The company I work for, however, is very cheap and know they can take advantage of its workers because we're all in a constant state of fear of our jobs being outsourced. They don't have to pay us well because they know we're not going anywhere.  Blah!
• I'm so tired of not having any money.  I admit I'm not a great saver and my hubby and I accumulated a lot of debt over the years.  But we have been living off nothing but cash for a long time now and we just can't seem to get ahead.  So tired of living paycheck to paycheck.  Anything goes wrong?  We're screwed.  Blah!
• I'm ready to leave AZ.  I'm tired of not having seasons.  I want to move somewhere where leaves actually change colors and you need a coat in the winter and it's not 75 freakin' degrees at Christmas!  I know tons of people love this about AZ but I'm just tired of it. This summer really just got to me...it was just too hot for too long and I've had it.  Not to mention the fact that Phoenix has just gotten too big for my tastes.  I'm a smaller town girl...I'd like to actually meet my neighbors and maybe have some couple friends to hang out with.  Is that so much to ask for????  Blah!
• I suck at goal setting.  I can't seem to set a goal for myself.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I've been pondering what I want December to look like and I just can't bring myself to make any decisions.  Blah!

OK.  So enough complaining.  What am I going to do about these things?  Well, the money situation and the living situation is just what it is.  I can't do much to change that right now.  The gym and the goals...that I can do something about.  My very first goal is to get back to the gym on Monday.  Period.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.  Once I've reached that goal...I'm expanding it to going to the gym at least 3 days a week and trying a Zumba class before the end of the year.  There.  Goals...check.  My other goal right now is to pull myself out of this funk and enjoy the holiday season.  In that spirit, I'm accepting Linda's challenge at Linda's Bandwidth.  She challenged us to find the holiday spirit and take pictures this weekend of whatever gets us in the mood.  So I'm decorating my house this weekend, gonna watch a little Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with my girls and drink some calorie-laden eggnog.  I'll post pictures on Monday.  I encourage anyone feeling in a rut right now to find something to do this weekend that will lift your spirits - holiday related or not.  Just do something you know will make you smile.  Go for a walk, go to the zoo, visit with friends, play a card game, read a book - anything.  Just do it for you and do it for your spirit.  You'll feel better, I promise.  With that, I leave you with a Friday Funny:

Weekend Pics

As promised...here are pictures of my youngest daughter's birthday party, one of me at Thanksgiving and random pics from the fun we had over the weekend.



Isn't that look devilish?





Yes I made the cake myself...was very proud of that...Lori loved it!




First Big Girl bike with training wheels...look at her go!





Me at Thanksgiving - I actually don't mind this picture too much



To protect the innocent..the girls with my brother in law





Things are going OK.  Work kinda sucks...the family issues are still around and I'm just feeling kinda "blah."  Hoping getting my Christmas decorations and stuff up this weekend will help with my mood.  I love it when my house is all decorated for the holidays.  So there you have it.  Special shout out to Amanda who just got her insurance approval and is scheduled for surgery Dec 13th!  If you haven't checked her out yet, please go see her here.  Happy Hump Day to one and all!