Friday, May 13, 2011


I'm not sure if all of you have wandered over to Patrick's blog (Responsibility 199) yet but if you haven't...You REALLY need to. He's got some amazing stuff going on over there. He's begun a series of posts on leadership. Yesterday's REALLY got me can read it here. ETA: I just realized that Blogger deleted his post with the issues it had yesterday but I think I read somewhere that it should be restored hopefully it does because it was great!  It was about courage and, naturally, that led in to facing your fears.

Fears. We've all got them. Scared of spiders. Scared of public speaking. Scared of heights. These are the basics. But we all have the deep, inner fears that we keep locked away so that no one will ever know we have them...we may even be hiding them from ourselves. I think I have. Sometimes you think you're scared of one thing when it's really something else. For instance, you're afraid of public speaking. That's not really what you're afraid of. You're afraid of embarrassing yourself and being judged by other people. That second fear sounds a lot scarier, doesn't it? So I've decided to face my fears head on. Some of these I've already started conquering and others still need to be explored. I'm going to use this post as a brainstorming session of my fears, my real fears, and why I might feel the way I do and possibly how to overcome them. Here we go.

I'm afraid of being fat for the rest of my life. There I said it. I've obviously taken steps to overcome this recently but the fear is there that this is as good as it gets or worse, I'll gain it all back. Why does being fat scare me? I don't want to end up like my dad. Triple bypass, stents, diabetes, heart disease, possible congestive heart failure...all due to a lifestyle that can be changed.

I'm afraid of social situations. Why does this scare me? Because I'm afraid if I put the real me out there, people will think I'm dumb, or laugh at me or talk bad behind my back or realize I'm not as smart as I think I am. I'm worried my daughters will be embarrassed by me. I was never the "cool kid" or "popular" and being overweight certainly didn't help the whole self esteem thing so I worry that even my own children won't want to claim me as their mother. I know it's our job to embarrass our kids but in normal ways...not "OMG. I wish I were adopted" kind of way. I'm also afraid that as I've grown older, I've changed too much from who I was when my husband met me and I haven't necessarily changed into someone he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Why do I care what others think? Because really I'm scared of being alone. I hate being alone. I hate feeling like no one cares or wants to hang out with me because then I'm alone with my thoughts and these fears and it's too much to deal with. I rather have people to hang out with and ignore these things. I'm scared of being lonely.

I'm afraid of disappointing people. I didn't finish college which I'm sure disappointed my parents. I tried several times to go back to school without success which in my mind disappoints my husband (I'm sure that's all in my head). But maybe the truth is I'm afraid of disappointing myself which really means I'm afraid of failure. This is it right here. All of these other fears seem to lead to this. I'm afraid of failure in my marriage (even though it's really strong), being a bad parent, being in this job for the rest of my life, not being healthy, not doing all I can do in this world.

I have no idea how to overcome these things. I've been trying to get healthy (really the whole point of the blog) and trying to get out of my social cocoon. I'm trying to get to the best version of me I can be and maybe just identifying these fears...naming them, exploring them and admitting them is a step in the right direction.

What are your fears?

So this was kind of a heavy post. But luckily, it's Friday and with every Friday comes a Friday Funny...


~Lisa~ said...

Excellent post! Hmmm.. What are my fears... I can honestly say that getting older has mellowed most of the fears that I had when I was younger - but not all of them. I too hold the fear of being overweight causing horrible sickness and disease - like my Mother before she passed away. And I have a fear of losing those who are close to me...

Sam said...

Can I just say DITTO :o)

A lot of these are the same fears that I have. I am most afraid of when I lose the weight I'll discover that I'm not worth it.

Rachel said...

I think that you have tremendous self knowledge and are very honest. I think those two things will propel you forward. You talk about your fears and failures but on my levels you have had a lot of successes (big and small) this year. Please remind yourselves of these accomplishments. Personally you inspire me when I have doubt.

Amanda said...

Fabulous post.
The first fear I share with you and your fear of disappointment as well. We share a lot of the same issues on why we feel like we have been a disappointment to our parents, husbands, children. I worry abound failure much more then disappointment now a days. Failure that I two will gain what I have lost back. Fauilure that I will not reach a good goal. Failure that this life I have chosen,,,being a self employed family will in the end leave us is un founded a little but I am really scared of it.

Why o why can't you live closer. Having you as a parrot would be great! I could help you with the social fears. I seem to be mrs social butterfly right now..gak.

Read said...

Wow, great post!! Sometimes I fear I won't be worth it - or maybe that's really the biggest fear of all. I've always said, for me, fear is at the heart of everything - my weight - the things I don't try. I've always said it was fear of success. And it is that - but certainly at the heart of it - it's that when I find success it won't be what I want - or much more likely I won't be what I think the world wants... hmmm I'll have to give this one some more thought!