So not a great week on the whole healthy train. I'm trying to figure out why I have a cycle of doing awesome (the 5k, 3 lb loss) and then doing nada right after that. It's as if I give myself a break from being healthy just because I've made some headway. It's so stupid. This week hasn't been absolutely terrible but it certainly hasn't been good either. My food choices have only been so-so and I haven't worked out at all. In Wednesday's post, I committed to working out today and Saturday. That would be 2 days this week...not optimal but again, not terrible. The pain in my shoulder is back (stupid breakfast sandwich) so no working out for me today. I'm babying my band and only doing mushies today because I seriously aggravated it yesterday. I don't know why motivation is lacking this week.
So while I was feeling all down about this and giving myself the "Bad Panda!" speech. I started reading through my old posts. The ones pre-banding when I was going through my insurance approval nightmares and I came across this post. I wrote this almost exactly a year ago, on February 9, 2010. This is the part that stands out to me.
I am a quitter. There I said it. I have this exact same follow through issue. I am 28 years old and I have never followed through with anything. This is why I don't have my degree, why I can't seem to lose this weight. This is how it is. I get very excited about things and then fizzle out. I was going to learn how to write calligraphy for my wedding invitations..bought all the stuff...not one invitation...not even a practice one. I've gone back to college 3 times after my original jaunt and still can't seem to complete my degree. I've started umpteen thousand diets and have quit them all. I've joined at least 4 gyms and never renewed 1 contract. Every year I buy 40 Christmas cards to mail to family and friends, and come Valentine's Day, they are still sitting on my desk. My daughters' baby books...oh lordy. My oldest' has 3 pages filled out and my youngest' has never even been opened.
So...all that aside. This is going to be my year. This why my 3 Day Walk and my lapband adventure are so important to me. They both require a real commitment. The financial commitments, the physical requirements, the mental preparedness. This is going to be the year that I don't quit. When my shins and ankles hurt from my C25k program...I'm not going to give up. When (not if, but WHEN) I'm banded and I hit a plateau, I'm not going to just say "Well, $#&! it! I'm eating a cake!" When I'm $500 away from my fundraising goal, I'm not going to just say, "It was a good try." I'm going to do it. I'm going to make it. I will be banded, I will lose this weight, I will run a 5k, I will raise the money I need for the Walk and I will finish said walk with a smile on my face. I will follow through on my goals. There must be more that I am meant to do this life than sit in a cubicle like a veal and waste away to nothing! No more Mrs. Quitter!
So I'm reading this yesterday and it dawns on me. I have done everything I set out to do last year...just maybe not in 2010 specifically but pretty darn close to 12 months. I got banded, did the Komen 3 Day and ran a 5k. I didn't let my heel injury stop me from my big walk. I didn't let the opting out of the Couch to 5k program stop me from my 5k and I didn't let a pesky insurance denial stop me from getting banded. I followed through. I've come to terms with the regrets in my life (I haven't really talked about it but mentioned it in this post here). I've had bad eating weeks since being banded. I didn't work out in almost the entire month of December but I keep going, I keep trying and I'm still losing. That, in itself, is an accomplishment!
Another blogger (So sorry I don't remember which post) spoke of no longer using negative self talk in regards to her body. When she looks in the mirror, she's only going to say nice things. I commented that I didn't think I could do that...not yet. For me, personally, THIS is what I need to work on. The mental bashing I give myself when I go a little off plan or have a lazy week. I don't let my poor eating get to me as much but when I'm not exercising (I feel so much better when I work out) and not eating well, I let these old "quitter" thoughts creep back in and think "Here we go again. What are you going to quit this time?" But the truth is, I'm not a quitter anymore. 3 BIG things I set out to do that required real commitment, I have done. I am still married after 2 kids, a few rough years, big financial mistakes that undoubtedly make marriage more stressful and we're still here...almost 8 years later. I still have the same job I've had for the last 7 years...this from someone who couldn't stay anywhere longer than a year. Do I love my job? The longer I'm here, the more I think I do. Is it my destiny? God no! But who the heck knows what my destiny should be. The point is the old Amanda was a quitter. The new Amanda follows through and accomplishes her goals... even if it doesn't happen every single week.
So Spring is almost officially over here in AZ. It's supposed to get up to 98 degrees today. In honor of my home state, I've chosen an appropriate Friday Funny...