Progress

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

C25K Update and Self Destructive Behavior

Hello there!  Okay...so I did Week 2, Workout 1 of my Couch to 5K program last night.  This week I'll be alternating jogging for 90 seconds and walking for 2 minutes for a total of 20 minutes.  Oh...my...God.  I seriously thought I was going to throw up when I got home from this.  My pace is definitely off.  It took me a minute longer to get home than to get to the halfway point but I did it.  I was very proud of myself for getting out there and doing it, but then...

Why is it when I do one good thing...I do like 10 bad things that offset the good thing I did?  For instance, last night...I did my workout, got home, was starving...have a bowl of Captain Crunch!  SERIOUSLY???  Captain Crunch??  What is the matter with me?  Then this morning...I got my work coffee like a good girl...put my fat free creamer in it...one packet of splenda...good stuff.  But the coffee was terrible (I swear the water they give us at work is contaminated) so I drank half and threw the rest away.  So a little later I went to Dunkin Donuts with a coworker.  Again...SERIOUSLY?? Dunkin Donuts???  Good lord.  I got an iced coffee with skim milk and splenda...not awful...but since I'm starving (right...because I'm wasting away to nothing here), I get a ham, egg and cheese sandwich on an english muffin.  Did it taste great?  Absolutely.  Do I feel awful now that I ate it?  Absolutely.  Ugh.  Why can't I let myself be successful?  Now I know I'm not banded yet, but if there's one thing I've learned from all of you other banded bloggers out there is that the band does not give you willpower.  You have to get that on your own.  What if I can't fight these same tendencies once I have the band?  Will I be the one, lonely, pathetic banded blogger that the band fails because I just can't seem to practice any self control?  These are all things that seriously make me doubt whether I'll be successful and whether all of this is worth it.  Are there some people out there just destined to be fat?  Ugh.  Hate these thoughts in my head...I'll get back on the positive wagon here in a couple hours...just ticks me off when I do this to myself.

Oh!  So happy news.  I might be going to New Orleans with my husband in March.  He has to go on business so I might pop in while he's there.  It's right over St. Patrick's Day so that would be so much fun!  I've never been to New Orleans, and to be honest, have been hesitant about going after Hurricane Katrina...just not sure what the city is like now, but my hubby and I rarely get any time to ourselves so this would be an extra special treat.  Alrighty..back to work.  Have a wonderful Wedneday everyone!

7 comments:

Jen said...

Way to go on the C25K!!!

So funny that you brought up the willpower today. I was in for my 4th fill and I was telling my doctor that I hate that having the band does not improve your willpower. I have so many moments that I want to just give in and eat that thing that I know I shouldn't. Sometimes it's all mind over body.. sometimes body wins though to be honest. The only thing that helps is that even if I do cave, I don't cave to the degree that I would have pre-band. It's a very mental game for me and it's super frustrating but I know that in the end, it'll all work out. YOU won't be the one bandster that doesn't lose weight. You are doing so good pre-band!! I ate like a cow up until the 1st day of my pre-op diet.. it was like I was never going to eat again!!

Love, Love Love New Orleans!! I grew up about an hour away from NO.. you will love it!!!

carla said...

I know its hard now but when you get the band you will realize that it does help with the will power somewhat. You may not be able to eat the english muffin, it may get stuck or you may only be able to eat half of it and be full. Dont be so hard on your self right now!!!

Amy W. said...

We will be close if you move to New Orleans!

Okay...one thing is...if you do have the band and have restriction...that little jewel of a breakfast sandwich you ate today...WELL, you won't be able to eat that! For sure.

And you won't be a failure. You will have days (like today) that you will lose control of your senses...but I have faith in you!

TracyZ said...

I think the band helps with will power more than a lot of us realize. You can out-eat it if you are bound and determined (especially at the beginning) but I have found that even when I splurge I may end up with an extra 400 or 500 calories. Which is a HUGE difference pre-band when a splurge may have been a plate of 2000 calorie nachos.

What I am really starting to realize is that the stuff I have considered "bad" for so long really isn't so bad in moderation. So post-band but pre-restriction you may eat have a breakfast sandwich here or there but it will take a LOT longer to eat and you will be very conscious of the decision you're making. At least that is what I have found...

Shelley said...

Tomorrow is a new day. Put the captain crunch and donuts behind you, it's done now. Focus on the good things you are going to do tomorrow. I have issues with eating too large portion sizes, and have beaten myself up about it time after time, but am learning to just get up the next day and start again. I'm not going to quit this time.

Girl Bandit said...

You will be fine...I cheated heaps on the pre-op and have had little slips before my first fill but as you get restriction it is hard to eat too much and if you get stuck..IT HURTS. A great deterrent. I am becoming really focused on getting the good stuff in as I am eating so much less but not avoiding anything. it is a learning curve and we will be here to help

MandaPanda said...

Thanks so much for your support. Feeling better about everything today :o)