Quick Update: Halfway There

Yesterday was my 3rd weigh in of my 6 month supervised diet for my insurance approval.  It went really well.  I lost 2.5 pounds which I'm very pleased with.  My BMI is still at 42.9 and I've decided that I'm going to try to get it right at 40 by the time the 6 months is over.  I think that's the safest bet as far as the insurance stuff goes.  My hubby is doing absolutely fan-fraekin-tastic!  He lost another 16 lbs this month!!!  That brings him to 56 lbs down total...in 3 months...amazing!  He still has a bit to go but I'm still so proud of him!  Dr. Simpson recommended a book to us that he wants us to get going on.  It's called The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck.  I guess it's supposed to target the psychological aspect of weight loss.  I was surprised he recommended it as he has written 2 books himself.  You would think he'd recommend those.  Hmmmm...Has anyone read it? 

Someone's Got a Case of the Mondays

Hello everyone.  Well...first off, I did find a shirt to wear to my meeting.  It was a little brighter than  I would normally go, but I gotta tell you I really like it.  I liked it even more than the shirt I was originally wearing so I will definitely be wearing it to work one of these days.  My meeting went well but I still don't want to give the name of the bar/restaurant as nothing is final yet.  I was hoping they would agree to give us a percentage of the night's profit but that was a no-go.  Instead they said they would give us a straight cash donation (don't know how much yet) and then 2 or 3 nights where they'll let us set up a table in one of their VIP type sections and solicit donations from their patrons.  So now I have to figure out a way to get the people who go there to donate.  We're thinking of doing a raffle...see if local businesses will donate a product or gift card or something for us to raffle off.  I'm thinking if we have one REALLY good prize per night (like sports tickets or something) and 3 smaller prizes like movie tickets then we'll be good to go.  A coworker has already agreed to give me a chocolate fondue gift basket to raffle off so it's a start.  We'll see how it goes from here.  If anyone you fabulous people know anyone famous who wouldn't mind donating an autographed something or other for us to raffle off, email me and let me know. 

Otherwise, it feels like a Monday.  My youngest was sick almost all weekend and she was up a lot last night.  Poor thing.  But that also means that I just didn't get much sleep in general.  On top of that, I have our third weigh in with the doctor on Thursday so I'm trying to be extra good this week...not gain too much, not lose too much.  *sigh*   I really hate these insurance hoops.  And every insurance carrier is different and even the same insurance carrier but for a different employer is different.  Every "bariatric coordinator" says something different.  There's just no way to know what you're supposed to do. 

Work has been just kind of sucking lately.  I feel I do a great job...do I work THAT hard?  No.  Does my job require me to work SUPER hard and be all stressed out and put in tons of extra hours?  Absolutely not.  But I still think a certain amount of respect is required to keep me happy and I'm just not getting it.  I feel seriously taken for granted and generally just unhappy with my current situation.  Overall, my boss is fantastic and flexible (which is super important when you have young kids who are prone to colds and what not) and it is pretty low stress.  I just wish I was passionate about it, ya know?  I have a friend who wanted to be a marine biologist since she was 11 years old.  Today, she's a biologist (maybe not a marine one - not really sure) and she's travelled all over and has done everything she's set out to do.  Do you know why?  Because she was passionate about it.  It's so much easier to reach your goals when #1: you have them and #2: you REALLY REALLY want them.  I just don't have anything like that.  I like to bake but am I dying to open a bakery or go to pastry chef school?  No.  I like taking pictures but do I want to do that for a living?  No.  It's just so hard...I really envy these people who find a fantastic hobby and love it so much that they make a career out of it. 

What's your passion?

C25k - HUH?

I'm a bad Couch to 5K'er.  I haven't been in over a week and I'm pretty sure this means I'll be starting over.  Ugh.  Pinched a nerve in my neck last Friday and have been goofed up ever since.  Felt better by Sunday but just haven't been motivated to get my butt off the couch and MOVE.  And I've got to get on it.  I have my 3rd weigh in with Dr. Simpson next Thursday.  Not feeling very confident about that.  It's funny how everyone is told different things about their insurance.  My bariatric coordinator (fancy title for someone I only saw once and is apparently just compiling paperwork) has told me 2 or 3 times that the insurance looks at your starting weight but everyone else I hear from is being told not to let their BMI dip below 40 for fear of not being approved by insurance.  It makes me VERY nervous.  I realize that shouldn't be an excuse to not eat right or exercise but I can't get it out of my head.

In other news, I have an appointment this evening with the marketing guy for a local restaurant to talk to him about holding a fundraising night for The 3 Day.  I don't want to give the name of the restaurant until I know how this appointment goes.  If it doesn't go well, I'll have mean things to say about them, but if it does go well, I'll be gushing about how wondeful I think they are.  I'm actually a little nervous because I feel that it all depends on how this meeting goes and how I present the idea.  To make things even more nerve wracking, I slopped chili oil on my shirt at lunch today so I have to run out and buy a new one before the meeting.  As most financially challenged overweight people can relate, running out to buy a new shirt isn't always as easy as it sounds.  Luckily, there is a Catherine's Plus Size right by this restaurant so I'm crossing my fingers that they have something that matches the pants I'm wearing but isn't too expensive.  Wish me luck!

Kevin Smith vs. Southwest

Ugh!  I hate stories like these.  For anyone not paying attention (and I don't blame you...this isn't REAL news)...Kevin Smith (writer/director of Clerks, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, etc.) was forced to leave a Southwest Airlines flight for being too big for his seat.  Article is here.  It's not so much that they made him deplane or that he's throwing a fit about it or anything about the story itself that bothers me so much.  It's the COMMENTS!  It's like a greenlight to bash on fat people.  The pure hatred stemming from people who have obviously never had a real weight problem in their entire lives is disturbing.  If you were stereotype black people, gay people, french people, jewish people or even people who are allergic to latex for God's sake, you would be ostracized for being a bigot.  People would be sending you hate mail, death threats, bombing your car because you hate a certain kind of people for just being who they are.  But insult a fat person, it's a joke...ranks right up there with "yo mama" jokes, which incidentally usually go something like "yo mama so fat..."  Argh! It just makes me absolutely livid when I read the hurtful, hateful, ignorant (albeit creative) things people think they have a right to say about over half the people in this country!  Look around you!  Obesity is everywhere and I feel really sorry for these people if they have a couple babies and get fat.  Look out!  Because the self loathing is gonna lead to a lot of problems for those people...

Okay...I'm done with my rant now.  This just really ticked me off.  And I should have known better than to read the story in the first place, but what do I know?  I'm just a lazy, dumb fat person...

Love & Liquid Diets

Happy Friday everyone!  Some of you have been so kind as to ask how my husband is doing on his liquid diet.  Well, since it's almost Valentine's Day, I suppose I can devote a post to my hubby.  We are in month 3 and, in my opinion, he's doing very well.  He averages about 3 out of 4 weeks a month doing VERY well.  The weekends are just super tough as the kids and I are home and eating around him or on the go and eating out.  This makes it more difficult to stick to.  It's important to keep in mind that his plan involves NO food...just the shakes, sugar free pudding and jello.  That's it.  No salads, no veggies, no fruits, etc.  So....that being said, I think only eating on the weekends is really good.  Also, when he does "cheat", he cheats on salads, soups, lean protein, etc.  We also both take one day right after our weigh in and have a "eat whatever we want" day.  Right or wrong, it seems to help us feel human again.  He's feeling a bit discouraged right now as he doesn't have much energy and generally isn't feeling all that well.  I'm sure he'll push through though.  I've attempted to do his diet for a mere week last month and seriously couldn't stick with it.  I can't imagine how he's doing it all this time and I'm just so proud of him.

Also, keeping in the theme, I'll take this opportunity to tell you all why I love him so much.  He cracks me up.  I can handle almost anything in a person but if you don't have a sense of humor, I'd rather just not deal with you.  My husband is freakin' hilarious.  He also understands that I love being a mom but I need time.  He's always willing to give me a girls' night out.  He sent me flowers every month the first year we dated.  He remembered my birthday even when I forgot.  He always knows what movie or show to tell me an actor is in so I'll know who he's talking about (I'm just horrible with actor names).  He understands my obsession with Matthew McConaughey and Garth Brooks and would understand if I cheated on him with either of these men.  He thinks I'm beautiful even though I have my doubts.  When I told him I wanted this surgery, he was nothing but supportive.  He's a super involved Dad who loves playing with our daughters and hanging out as a family.  And even though he doesn't think Men In Tights is one of the funniest movies ever, he still has pretty good taste and even lets me have the remote control most of the time.  I think this sums it up nicely.

Not a whole lot going on this weekend.  We got the girls a little something for Valentine's Day but it's no biggie for us.  We're saving our money for our trip in March.  For everyone else...have a fabulous weekend and a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Julie & Julia

So I rented this movie over the weekend.  First, let me say that this is my new all time favorite chick flick.  Not only was the acting fantastic (Meryl Streep should totally win an Oscar) but I felt like the movie was actually talking to me.  For those who may not be aware, the movie is based on a true story about a woman who decides to cook every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook in 365 days and write a blog about it.  The movie cuts from her modern day life and then to Julia's life as she went to cooking school and then trying to get her cookbook published.  "Why would this movie speak to you?" You may ask.  Do I cook?  Barely.  Am I particularly talented cook? No.  Do I like to cook?  No.  But the movie was about so much more than just the food!  It's about anyone approaching a chronological milestone in their lives (be it 30, 40, 80!) and feels that they just haven't accomplished all that they are meant to...like they're destined to do more.  (I'd just like to add here that you should NOT watch this movie hungry.  They are always cooking in it and the food looks scrumptious!  Made me want to go to a French restaurant...pronto!)

Julie (not to be confused with Julia) works for a government office in New York where she sits in a cubicle all day and answers phones.  She doesn't like this job and at one point someone on the phone asks her "Do you have any power?  I want to talk to someone with power."  And she answers "No.  I don't have any power."  She also has a half written novel at home that she can't get published and all she really wants to be is a writer but she just can't seem to get it done.  She has these friends that she lunches with from time to time who are just awful.  They're all uber-successful in their careers and kinda snotty.  At one point, she asks "Is it wrong to hate your friends?"  Then as she's approaching her 30th birthday, she just has this overwhelming feeling of failure.  She feels that she's never followed through with anything.  So she chooses this quest to be her accomplishment.  She's going to finish this mission come hell or high water.

Aside from all the food, this could be my life.  I am a quitter.  There I said it.  I have this exact same follow through issue.  I am 28 years old and I have never followed through with anything.  This is why I don't have my degree, why I can't seem to lose this weight.  This is how it is.  I get very excited about things and then fizzle out.  I was going to learn how to write calligraphy for my wedding invitations..bought all the stuff...not one invitation...not even a practice one.  I've gone back to college 3 times after my original jaunt and still can't seem to complete my degree.  I've started umpteen thousand diets and have quit them all.  I've joined at least 4 gyms and never renewed 1 contract.  Every year I buy 40 Christmas cards to mail to family and friends, and come Valentine's Day, they are still sitting on my desk.  My daughters' baby books...oh lordy.  My oldest' has 3 pages filled out and my youngest' has never even been opened. 

So...all that aside.  This is going to be my year.  This why my 3 Day Walk and my lapband adventure are so important to me.  They both require a real commitment.  The financial commitments, the physical requirements, the mental preparedness.  This is going to be the year that I don't quit.  When my shins and ankles hurt from my C25k program...I'm not going to give up.  When (not if, but WHEN) I'm banded and I hit a plateau, I'm not going to just say "Well, $#&! it!  I'm eating a cake!"  When I'm $500 away from my fundraising goal, I'm not going to just say, "It was a good try."  I'm going to do it.  I'm going to make it.  I will be banded, I will lose this weight, I will run a 5k, I will raise the money I need for the Walk and I will finish said walk with a smile on my face.  I will follow through on my goals.  There must be more that I am meant to do this life than sit in a cubicle like a veal and waste away to nothing!  No more Mrs. Quitter!

Week 2, Take 2

And so it is Monday....

I finished my second week of the Couch to 5K program and I just don't feel ready to tackle Week 3.  I'm gasping for breath by the end of my 90 second jogs right now and I know there is just no way, at my current level, that I can jog for 3 minutes.  It just ain't gonna happen.  So I'm going to go through the Week 2 runs again this week.  Hopefully, this extra week of building up my stamina will help and I'll be ready for Week 3 next week.  I'm not upset about it.  It's a process and while this program is supposedly to get "couch potatoes" up and running, I do believe I am in worse shape than most couch potatoes.  I also figure it would take me closer to 12 weeks, as opposed to 9 so I'm okay with this.  My ankles and shins were killing me yesterday when I started jogging and I don't want to risk injury or plain de-motivation by moving on too soon.  I am going to listen to my body and go at my own pace.  I think as long as I'm still trying, I'll be alright.

In Walk for the Cure news...we have a team name and it's suprisingly NONE of the ones I posted earlier.  My friend who is walking with me lost her mother to breast cancer and she wanted to incorporate her mother's name into our team name.  I think it is a lovely idea.  Her mother's nickname was Violet so we're going to be the Pink Violets.  I think it's very sweet and I'm very proud to be walking in her mother's name.  I'm also already thinking about how cute our t-shirts will be with a pink violet on it.  Wonder if I can find a screen printing company to make a pink violet for me?  Hmm....something to work on.

Weekend was good...uneventful.  Was rooting for the Colts but oh well.  Happy for New Orleans.  Rented Julie & Julia and will do a whole post on that movie because I absolutely loved it!  Hope y'all have a great week!

Special Thanks!

Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's supportive comments.  I'm not even banded yet and I feel like I'm already part of such a special group.  I can't tell you how nice it is to know others have gone through what I'm going through and to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel from the more experienced bandsters.

Also, wanted to send a special shout out to Lynda who has not only left very supportive comments on this blog but also made a generous donation to my walk!  Thank you so much for your time and generosity!  Means the world to me.

Have a great weekend everybody!

C25K Update and Self Destructive Behavior

Hello there!  Okay...so I did Week 2, Workout 1 of my Couch to 5K program last night.  This week I'll be alternating jogging for 90 seconds and walking for 2 minutes for a total of 20 minutes.  Oh...my...God.  I seriously thought I was going to throw up when I got home from this.  My pace is definitely off.  It took me a minute longer to get home than to get to the halfway point but I did it.  I was very proud of myself for getting out there and doing it, but then...

Why is it when I do one good thing...I do like 10 bad things that offset the good thing I did?  For instance, last night...I did my workout, got home, was starving...have a bowl of Captain Crunch!  SERIOUSLY???  Captain Crunch??  What is the matter with me?  Then this morning...I got my work coffee like a good girl...put my fat free creamer in it...one packet of splenda...good stuff.  But the coffee was terrible (I swear the water they give us at work is contaminated) so I drank half and threw the rest away.  So a little later I went to Dunkin Donuts with a coworker.  Again...SERIOUSLY?? Dunkin Donuts???  Good lord.  I got an iced coffee with skim milk and splenda...not awful...but since I'm starving (right...because I'm wasting away to nothing here), I get a ham, egg and cheese sandwich on an english muffin.  Did it taste great?  Absolutely.  Do I feel awful now that I ate it?  Absolutely.  Ugh.  Why can't I let myself be successful?  Now I know I'm not banded yet, but if there's one thing I've learned from all of you other banded bloggers out there is that the band does not give you willpower.  You have to get that on your own.  What if I can't fight these same tendencies once I have the band?  Will I be the one, lonely, pathetic banded blogger that the band fails because I just can't seem to practice any self control?  These are all things that seriously make me doubt whether I'll be successful and whether all of this is worth it.  Are there some people out there just destined to be fat?  Ugh.  Hate these thoughts in my head...I'll get back on the positive wagon here in a couple hours...just ticks me off when I do this to myself.

Oh!  So happy news.  I might be going to New Orleans with my husband in March.  He has to go on business so I might pop in while he's there.  It's right over St. Patrick's Day so that would be so much fun!  I've never been to New Orleans, and to be honest, have been hesitant about going after Hurricane Katrina...just not sure what the city is like now, but my hubby and I rarely get any time to ourselves so this would be an extra special treat.  Alrighty..back to work.  Have a wonderful Wedneday everyone!

Team Name?

Hello all!  So my friend and I are forming a team for the 3 Day in November but we need a team name.  I am drawing a complete blank on this!  Anyone have any suggestions?  Here's what I've got so far...

Pinkalicious
Think Pink
T & A – Here for the T! (LOL! Gross!)
Dreamin’ in Pink
Team Knockers
Hot Steppers
Bosom Buddies
3 Day or BUST!
Walking Warriors

What do you think of these?  Any opinions or suggestions are welcome.  Have a great day!

Susan G Komen 3 Day

Hello everyone!  Some of you may have noticed the new box on my blog just to the right.  I am officially registered to walk in the Susan G Komen 3 Day For the Cure!  This is a 60 mile walk over 3 days where I'll be camping out at night with hundreds of other walkers like me.
There are so many people who have been touched by breast cancer in this world.  I have a good friend who is walking with me.  Her mother died of breast cancer so I know this is an especially personal goal for her.  Without a cure, one person will die of breast cancer every 13 minutes in the United States alone...now imagine worldwide. This is an opportunity for me, little ol' me, to take a stand and do what I can in the fight against breast cancer.

Not only is the walk itself bold but so are the financial goals!  At first I was really intimidated by the fundraising minimum for this walk.  I've agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations. So I need your help. If anyone is interested and I implore you to donate if you can...you can click the box to the right and it will take you directly to my personal donation page. You can also donate online at The3Day.org search for my personal fundraising page (Amanda Johnson in AZ). Keep in mind how far I'm walking - and how hard I'll have to train. If I come below that target, I won't be able to walk in November.  The good news is that the walk isn't until November.  That gives me a lot of time to collect donations.  Every little bit helps.  All donations are tax deductible and many companies will match contributions in support of local causes. 

I'll be honest...I've always been more of an introvert.  I didn't like girlscouts because they wanted me to sell cookies.  I hated school fundraisers as a child.  There was just something about asking people to give me money (even if I were giving them merchandise in return) that didn't sit well with me.  I was in telemarketing very briefly and I was horrible at it.  I'm just not a salesperson.  So this is certainly a challenge for me.  I know times are tough and I certainly won't begrudge anyone who doesn't donate (whether in blogland or the real world) but this is definitely a cause worthy of me getting over myself and putting myself out there.  So here I am...I'm asking for everyone I know to donate at least $10 and am asking them to ask everyone THEY know to donate at least $10.  If I can find 230 people just willing to donate $10, I'll reach my financial goal and will only have to focus on the physical goal of doing the walk. 

In my mind, when it comes to things like this...breast cancer research is there for your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your aunts and your friends...hoping that should the worst happen, the cure will be there.

Thanks everyone!