I have been putting this off for quite some time and the reasons are entirely mental. So let's break these down.
- My band was working fine 18 months ago. It's not the restriction level, it's me. Yes and No. My restriction wasn't ideal when I left Phoenix either. It was OK but not ideal. I still had to white knuckle more than I should've had to. I got lazy and tired of the band upkeep and it was easier to blame me than the band because obviously it's all my fault. *note the sarcasm...I realize how insane it sounds*
- I don't want to be judged by the doctor and nurses about how much weight I've regained. I've heard some docs judge or use fills as reward/punishment. My doctor never did that so I was scared to go find a new one that maybe would. Hubby went to this new doc 6 months ago and told me how great he was. I just didn't believe him. So we'll see.
- The lapband has failed. I have failed. There's not point in messing with it anymore. Did the lapband fail? No. I just stopped using it. Have I failed? Not yet.
- What is there is something wrong with the band? I don't want to face that. Best to face it head on than ignore it if there's a problem. Logically, I know this but I just couldn't deal with more stress if that's the case.
So I made the appointment. He's on vacation until October and then I'm travelling for work the week he has an open appt at the location I want so that pushed us into the end of October which is OK. It gives me time to get all my records sent over.
I still haven't eaten out and I actually came in below allotted calories on My Fitness Pal yesterday. I'm hitting the gym tonight. Moving in the right direction.
6 comments:
Hugs! We all have those fears, we just have to push through them. It is a life long struggle and any doctor that doesn't understand that shouldn't be in the business.
I agree with Beth, we all fear that. I just had my first fill since having the band emptied in june and I was scared to see him, I have not had anything in my band in almost a year and I gained weight and I was so scared but he was so supportive and did not scold me like I thought he would. Hope this new doc will be as good as your last. And congrats on not eating out :)
Oh girl, I could have written this post! We are two peas in a pod! Glad you found a new doc, hope he is decent - keep us posted! And congrats on the cals - I'm logging every day, and even on the days I'm not quite under my cals, I am at least keeping myself accountable. That's a huge step in the right direction! Good job - hugs from me!
Can't wait to hear how you like the new doctor! About to pop over to see what this no-eating-out project is... me and my family need to try this!
Good for you! It is OK to start over, I'm doing that!
So glad you've made a solid plan! Sending hugs and best wishes!!
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