Lifestyle Change #3 (taking my daily vitamin) - has gone extremely well. I haven't missed a day yet thanks to my Outlook reminder and a pill splitter my hubby was kind enough to give me. Vitamins are freakin' huge! Anyhoo...onwards to Lifestyle Change #4...this one isn't original. In fact, I'm pretty sure I stole this one from Patrick too but I digress. I'm going to start taking the stairs at work. I only work one flight up from the main entrance so not a biggie there. On top of that, I'm going to park one floor down in the parking garage. So I'll take one flight up in the parking garage and another flight up when I get in the building. It's a good start.
The weekend was OK. We went swimming at my parents' house and determined that this will be the last swim of the season. The water turned cold very quickly this year. We were in last weekend and it felt great...this weekend...not so much.
Does anyone else ever feel that they are the worst parent ever??? I have friends and acquaintances who seem to relish in parenthood. They love everything about their kids...from changing diapers to the terrible two's to the tyrannical 3's to the sassy 5's. I always thought I'd be a great mom...one of those super understanding and patient ones. Not necessarily the "cool" mom but the one that my kids could talk to about anything and know that even if I get mad, I'll still help them. I really want to be that mom. To be honest, though, I am not that mom. I am a "i've-just-worked-8-hours-and-i-just-want-to-sit-here-for-five-minutes-without-being-asked-for-something mom". I'm also the "if-you-argue-with-me-one-more-time-i-will-make-you-cry mom." I don't have nearly enough patience with my girls. They're good kids...really...they are. They are high energy and somewhat clumsy which results in tons of crying over hit heads, hurt feet,etc. but they're wonderful little human beings. I truly love them more than anything but sometimes... I just can't seem to get into "mommy mode." I just can't seem to connect with them the way I should. There are some people that just aren't born with that "mommy" chip. I'm not talking about the ones who abuse their kids or hurt them - those people are reprehensible. But there are those who just don't "take" to the mommy thing. Am I one of those people? I think I might be. For example, Maddie started kindergarten this year. I pick her up in the afternoons and abhor the pick up line so I actually park and wait for her class to come out. All these other kids come running to their parents open arms and squeal with delight. Not my girl..she walks up very calmly, takes my hand and I ask her how her day was and she says fine. Now we'll talk all the way to the car and on the way to pick up her sister but there's no real excitement to see me at the end of the day. Is that normal? Is it just her personality or does she think "Oh God. Not her again," when she sees me coming? Then you have my youngest. Her preschool always says what a joy she is and how mild mannered and helpful. At home, we get fits and crying and hitting, biting even sometimes. Why does she only do this at home? Have I invented some kind of environment that breeds this? The worst part is I don't know how to parent in a different way. The one change I know I can make is to quiet down. I yell way too often. I am aware of it, I've made promises to myself, to my hubby and to my kids to stop yelling so much but it's somehow become a habit that I'm finding it impossible to break. But how do I really bond with my kids? And should I have to ask? Shouldn't this be somewhat natural by now? Well...starting today...I'm back to working on the yelling. Maybe this time, I can get it to stick.
Moving on... the Susan G Komen 3 Day is only 2 months away!! It's coming up fast and I've got a lot of work to do. First, there's the walking part. I'm committing to doing the treadmill at home or going to the gym 4 days a week and doing a training walk every Saturday (with the exception of this Saturday because I'm visiting my sister in South Carolina). Two months isn't a lot of time to catch up on my training but I think I can do it. I am lucky enough to have my BFF doing the walk with me and a lot of the training to boot. She lost a heap of weight herself not too long ago (the all natural way) and so she can really relate to how tough it can be to get into shape. So nice having that kind of support. Anyhoo...we are making our own tshirts for the event since it's way cheaper to do that than buy customized tshirts and holy cow! I had no idea how many tshirt making items Michael's carries! So many options...do we do iron ons or stencils? Do we use fabric paint or markers? Some of you are so creative...could use a little help. We're not looking for anything too fancy...just want to put maybe a slogan on the front and our team name on the back...maybe a pink ribbon. Any suggestions, ideas or advice?
So now I'm gearing up for another week. Got a lot to do before I go to South Carolina. It's not a long trip...just a couple days but I've got a house to clean, laundry to do and then deciding what to take with. I'm going to a casual surprise party but still want to look good. Hate finding things in my close these days. Really need to declutter. Hope everyone has a wonderful week.
P.S. Thanks to Amanda for the award! Will do my award post tomorrow!
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7 comments:
Are you me? I feel exactly the same as you, I have 2, they are (fairly) good children but I seem to spend half my life yelling and I hate it. Mine are pretty good alone but chronically jealous of each other especially the older one to the younger and it just makes life awful.
I do sometimes wonder if when woman say how wonderful motherhood is they are lying. I love my kids more than anything but sometimes it gets dull!
I wish I could remember my vitamins!
Good luck with the Susan G Komen walk. I use to be involved in the American Cancer Society walk each year and would walk a total of 25+ miles in honor of my brother, but now it's too hard on the heart :(
Keep up the good work :)
Parenting is tough - no doubt. Maybe next time you can run up to your daughter with open arms and see what she does. If you feel the need to parent a different way, maybe you could check around for classes or get out some books. My 4 year old was going through a tough stage and I read a book that had some really good suggestions in it (sorry, it's been 7 years so I can't remember the name of the book). You definitely are lucky to have your bff training with you. I think if I had a buddy to exercise with it would help me to it more. Good luck!
I feel for you Manda - just like Bonnie said, parenting is tough - really tough and sometimes I wonder how I have managed with four boys. It's a lot.
But you know, at the end of the day, you still sound like a fabulous mum. I think most of the impatience comes from being tired 24/7, its an endless grind. Acting up at home when they don't do it elsewhere is hugely common - they are comfortable at home and know (perhaps) that they can get away from it. Maybe practice a little time out when your little one acts up. It gives you both breathing space.
But whatever, or however you handle things, just know you are doing a great job. Your girls love you :)
By all means, start taking the stairs at work... good for you. I do it daily, it makes a difference. And I find I can walk up them just as fast as the elevator travels. Every change, no matter how small, adds up to a new you!
We all have those thoughts and feelings about motherhood. I try so hard to be the total opposite of my mom, but I am always wondering if I am not "enough" for her. Just know she loves you no matter what!
You aren't alone when it comes to the parenting. I often wonder if I have what it takes to be a good mom. I have a three year old and find myself yelling at times. I try really hard not to do it. I end up crying at night, telling my husband I'm not a good mother. I think I yell because that is how I was raised. I don't do it all the time, but I'm constantly having to make sure I don't yell. It is a daily struggle. I would do anything for my son, so I know I'm not a bad mother...but I still wonder if I'm missing that "mommy chip" some times.
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