Why are you FAT?

Saw this question on LBT (LapBand Talk for those who might not know) and thought it was interesting...Why are you fat? The original poster makes the statement that there is usually an underlying cause as to being overweight than just not being able to control your portions. I think she's right but was shocked to see how many people responding had deep-seeded emotional issues stemming from abuse. It made me a little embarrassed when I started thinking about why I am fat. I was not sexually molested as a child. My parents' didn't send me to Fat Camp when I was 8. I didn't come from a broken home, an abusive home or had anything particularly traumatic happen to me. So I did some introspection, thinking that surely something just awful had happened to me to make me this way. Well, truth be told. Nothing did. I did this to myself. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm bored. I celebrate by eating. My whole family is this way. I love carbs! Give me bread, pasta, and chocolate!!!! I honestly believe that this is just how some of us are. We battle it - not because of some horrible repressed memory - but we became too complacent about our own health and living our lives! We got wrapped up in work, school, kids - just trying to survive in this society where EVERYTHING seems to revolve around how much money you have, how many possessions you accumulate, what kind of job you have - that we forgot one of the most fundamental parts about living...TO ACTUAL LIVE!!!

I, for one, am done being a spectator in my own life. I am going to take control of me again and be who I want to be and in the size body I want to be in.

Whew. That feels better. In other news...excited about the weekend. I took tomorrow off and my husband and I are having a date day. I'll post pics of my little monsters (aka children) in their Halloween costumes Monday. I love Halloween! A day where all the ghosts and goblins can walk among us and not be judged. I look forward to the Halloween where I get to dress in some sexy nurse's outfit and blow everyone away. LOL!

Happy Halloween Everybody!!

Speedy Docs

So I got a call from one of my doc's offices and my med record are ready to be picked up. Sweet! That was quick. I've been going there since 2006 so that's 3 years of showing I've been fat awhile down. Now, just waiting on the not-so-nice doc's office to fax over their stuff and that should give me my 5 years. WAHOO! Truth be told though, I could probably get 10 years worth if I needed to but oh well...

So was looking at Amy's blog and she posed an interesting question that I will answer here... "Is it easier to stay motivated if you were once thin?" Since I've never been particularly thin, I'd like to say "YES!" and shove it down the skinny people's throats! LOL. However, seeing as I've never been in that spectrum, I honestly don't know. I know I felt pretty good when I was a size 10. At the time, I felt like a big, fat cow that needed to lose 20 lbs but these days, I recall really enjoying myself and my clothes in a size 10. I think the motivation changes somewhat though if you've never been thin. I think there's an idea out there that everything is better when you're thin and I think there is SOME truth to that. For instance, you get more free drinks, doors open for you, and I do believe that in some instances more career opportunities. But the truth is, everyone has problems. Some of my best friends are thin and they can't keep a relationship or they can't figure out what they want to be when they grow up or they're surprisingly lonely. If you already have these issues and overweight, you're still going to have those issues post weight.

My main motivation is I want to do the things I used to be able to do at size 10, 12 and even 14 before my joints started hurting, my feet were constantly swollen and my back was in a constant spasm. I want to hike, swim (really swim....not just float around the pool), go to the beach (without hiding behind a giant raft or something), travel (without worrying about crushing the person next to me), amusement parks (specifically taking my daughter on her first trip to Disney World). And I want to do all the things that I didn't get to do because of time or whatever and now can't do because of the weight - white water rafting, skydiving (you have to be under 200 lbs to jump tandem), kayaking, scuba diving, snowboarding.

In the meantime, I'll keep dreaming and working towards finally getting a surgery date.

Medical Records

Okay...so since my husband is dragging his feet, I've decided to start the process up again on my own.

I called Kinko's and got their fax number (I have access to a fax machine at work but I don't want everyone here knowing my business) and then put in the requests to my two doctors' offices to get my medical records for the past five years. I know that's pretty standard on insurance approval guidelines for WLS. So...who knows how long it is going to take to get them. My one doc's office is in Ohio and her office started giving me lip because I wasn't having it sent to another doc's office. I told them they were my records and I'm entitled to have a copy if I want a copy. The lady was like, "Our office policy is that we only fax records to another doctor." So I replied, "Would you prefer to fax them to my attorney? Those are MY records and I have every right to request they be sent where I want them sent." Now, truth be told, my "attorney" is my husband. He is an attorney and he could call and scare them with all kinds of legalese but, seriously? Just to get my records? This lady finally relented and and said that they'd fax them after they were done copying them. I don't quite get that either...why do you need to copy them to fax them? Why not just run the originals through the fax machine? WHATEVER!

So anyhoo, I feel good that I at least took that first step. My husband also assures me that I should have a list of recommended surgeons' names from his boss (reputable doc here in AZ) by the end of the week. Then I can call around the next week and see who we might want to go with. Since we're getting the list from my husband's boss, I know they will be reputable and experienced so that's a big weight off my shoulders, but I also want to know if a) they're good about helping you with all the insurance stuff and b) aggressive with fills. From everything I've researched, the fills are key to success with lapband and it seems that some docs seem to take FOREVER to get people to their sweet spots. I really want to hit my sweet spot in the first six months after surgery so I want to make sure the doc I go to isn't a wuss about it.

That's about it today...I promise I will post full length pic soon. I have them but I post mostly from here and can't download any of it on this pc. Stupid work...actually expecting me to work. hehe. Have a great Tuesday!

Why the band?

So....thought I would take today to talk about why I want the band, why I'm not banded yet and what I'm hoping to do about the situation.

I've always battled my weight...most people can relate to being the chubby kid on the playground. I was also always pretty active - a child of the 80's and growing up in South Carolina, most days I could be found on my bike or walking through the woods near my house challenging creepy killers (who always seem to reside in the backwoods of the south...lol) as well as bugs and snakes of all sizes to catch me if they could. I played softball through middle school and the first couple years of high school. Once I wasn't playing softball anymore, I became Miss Activity Queen and joined all kinds of clubs and stuff. I also worked at a grocery store, bagging groceries and stocking shelves so I moved around a lot. I went to Arizona State for four years and that's when the weight started piling on. I didn't think much about it while it was happening since I was pretty busy going to school, working and dating my now husband. I don't regret the way I look in wedding pics or anything but I had already started gaining at that point. I tried losing weight off and on throughout this time...weight watchers, South Beach, good ol' calorie counting, working out. Joined Curves...quit Curves. Joined a gym a couple times...quit the gym a couple times.

I had a couple kids and that's when it really hit me! I had my youngest in 2007 and within the year after her birth, I gained 30 pounds!! The rate at which I was gaining was what really worried me. I also had gestational diabetes with both girls and Heart Disease and Type II Diabetes run in my family so that's no good either. (Through all this, I should also mention that my husband is a really big guy - 6'2" and over 450 lbs).

So I started looking into LapBand and watched one of the seminars on video. Then I made an appointment with True Results in November of 2008. My husband (much more skeptical than me) came with and we got a lot of good information but just didn't like the vibe of it. It seemed they were more interested in selling you the band than making sure it was the right decision for you and they really pushed the self-pay thing. Also, I went through this idea that surely I could do this one my own (even though I had failed up to that point). Two or three weight loss adventures later (only losing about 15 at each and ultimately ending up 5 lbs heavier than where I started), here we are.

So why, you may ask, am I not banded yet? Well, there were those doubts in the beginning but now that I've decided beyond any doubt to get a band, I seem to be stalled. My husband has access to some great doctors through his job and one in particular said she would put together a packet for us with a couple surgeon's names (the best here in the valley) and people who have had surgery with these doctors that we can talk to in order to get their take on things. It's taken FOREVER to get this info (we still don't have it) and my husband isn't too keen on moving on without it. We've also had a change in insurance coverage (we didn't change insurances...they just changed coverage) so now we're back to square one to make sure it's covered and everything we have to do, etc. Again, insurance is through my husband so I was hoping he would take the reins and look into it. He hasn't. While I'm a researcher by nature (and trade for that matter), it seems he thinks I should do all of it but he's getting lapband too so it just seems a little unfair.

I'm finding this post is taking much too long so I'll end my story here for now and maybe post more tomorrow. Ugh...definitely feels like a Monday.

There once was a woman from Candyland....

So...my first blog entry. I debated starting this blog for a number of reasons and they are as follows:
1. I've noticed that people who are good at blogging are REALLY good at blogging and those who are bad are REALLY bad and those blogs are painful to read. I'm hoping I'm not in this category.
2. While really opinionated in real life, I find it unlikely that anyone will really care about that opinion online.
3. I joined both Facebook and Myspace and after 3 weeks quit checking it, updating it, etc. so my follow through is somewhat lacking.
4. I'm not telling anyone but my husband about my lapband surgery and there is a chance that someone I know could possibly stumble across this blog someday and there goes the secret.
5. I'm not banded yet so I don't think I can provide much insight by way of advice for new (or old for that matter) bandsters.

However, I have decided to throw caution into the wind and even if no one ever reads this blog, I can simply use it as a journal and venting mechanism on my journey. So there ya go. So introduction to me...

I am 28 years old, weight 225 and I'm short...not munchkin short but 5'1" makes that 225 look and feel awfully squatty. I am married to a wonderful man who main mission in life is to make me smile. He is also overweight and says he's committed to getting the lapband. I use the phrase "says he's committed" because I'm not convinced but that a different post for a different day. I have two wonderful daughters, ages 4 and almost 2, and they are the light of my life and partly the cause of my weight gain in recent years. They are also the inspiration for my wanting to get healthy at this point in my life.

I work for a Credit Card Company...a couple things to note: I am not the one raising your rates, closing your accounts or calling you asking to buy stuff. I work in the Fraud Department trying to keep bad guys from stealing your identity. I don't talk to customers because overall, I don't like people. LOL. Not entirely true...I'm not just not that customer oriented and I'm beter at analyzing data than apologizing to people for something my company did to tick them off.

One last interesting tidbit...I'm a sleepwalker, talker, screamer, hitter. I've done this my entire life and I've determined that the reason I do is because I'm really a superhero but my conscious self doesn't know it and my subconscience doesn't want to scare my waking self with this epiphany. My poor husband witnesses most of these episodes while I am generally blisffully unaware by morning.

So this is a little bit about me. More about my band adventure to come.