My Big News

I'm going back to school.

Make no mistake, I went to college for 4 years.  I took lots of classes...no degree.  I then attempted to go back twice after the kiddos...no degree.  I used to harbor a lot of regret over this.  I agonized over missed opportunities and wasted potential.  Then I got over it.  I really made my peace with it and felt absolutely fine about it.  I have a good job making more than some WITH a degree and everyone always just kind of assumes I have one.  I don't feel it's held me back.

All that being said, my company now offers a grant where the entire thing is paid for an online university.  Tuition, technology fee, course materials, graduation fee, the whole nine.  It's a for profit online university, Ashford University, so it's debatable how much value you get out of it, how employers see it, blah, blah, blah.  The fact is this isn't my money.  If my company is willing to pay for my degree from this place, then I may as well take advantage of it.  The only caveat is I have to get B's in all classes and can only take one class at a time.  With work and the kids, I honestly don't know how I'd take more than that anyway.  If you attend nonstop, a bachelors degree takes 208 weeks (5 week classes).  I've been told a good number of my classes will transfer over from my stint in college many years ago so my time will be somewhat shorter but not positive on what we're looking at.

My start day October 6th.  I'm excited to start something new.

My other big news that I just completely glossed over yesterday is I'm down 25 lbs!  I don't know why this didn't really occur to me yesterday but there it is!  Maybe I wasn't as excited because I've seen these 25 lbs come and go and come again but it's still worth celebrating!  I've now lost a whole Scrappy worth of weight!

Day 82 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 82 Weigh In: 201

Change Since Last Week: -0.5

Down 1/2 lb since last week.  I was expecting a better outcome this week but it's moving in the right direction so I'm not going to complain about it.

This weekend was relatively uneventful.  We hung out with the neighbors Saturday evening and the girls had a friend sleep over.  Sunday was spent working on Lori's school project and Maddie's campaign posters.

A couple thoughts about my daughter running for Student Council.  She is in 5th grade and she is a geeky kid.  She comes by it honestly.  Hubby and I... both geeks.  She's very introverted and has a hard time making friends.  She always manages to make one or two throughout the year...usually other slightly odd kiddos like her.  This is fine.  I was the same way.  Hubby swung the other direction and would have TONS of friends but few very close ones.  Anyway, the point is she has NO CHANCE of winning.  That's just reality.  However, I am so freakin' proud of her for running.  She has to give a speech in front of the whole school (she had to do that last year for a speech contest too so she's got SOME experience with it) and campaign and all that jazz.  I would never have the guts to run for office in school because we all know it's a popularity contest.  It's not about anything other than how many people like you.  She's got a snowball's chance in hell but I hope she realizes how awesome she is to take the chance.

On that note, this is another week and another opportunity to take a chance on myself.  Possibly big news coming tomorrow, stay tuned...

Stuffed Acorn Squash

Tried this recipe last night and it was DELICIOUS!  Even my kiddos liked it.

It's 375 calories per serving.  I did a couple substitutions based on what I had in the house.  I used spinach instead of kale, onion instead of a leek and regular breadcrumbs vs panko.  Mine looked like this:

Before breadcrumbs and broiling.

Final product

Thank you all for the support after yesterday's post.  My right shin is so bruised, I fear I may have bruised the bone.  My left knee is sore and achy.  My right arm hurts when I reach backwards.  Honestly, what hurts most is my pride and I'll get over it.  I do feel so embarrassed but I will go back to the gym tonight and continue on.

I need to be more like this cat...

I F*$&%ing Did It Again!

I can't freakin' believe it!!!  So I went to the gym last night, did my treadmill, did my elliptical, decided to finish strong with 10 minutes on the beast.  The one that was broken the last time still as an "out of order" sign on it so I choose the other one.  I get up (already made it further than last time) and hit "start."  USUALLY, it starts on level 1.  WTF?!?!?  It started on the highest level!!  As if it never reset from the guy who was on it before me.  So I'm frantically hitting "Stop" and nothing is happening.  So of course, I FELL!!!  OMFG!!!  Fuck me and my life!  Once again, a couple concerned onlookers come over to see if I'm OK.  Thank goodness neither of them are the same people who came over last time.  Since this was my last work out, I just got out of there and had an emotional breakdown in my jeep.  I seriously feel like such a fat, uncoordinated loser.  IF I manage to get up the nerve to show my face at the gym again, I definitely will not be using that machine ever again.

Mailbox guy is coming today.   I can finally start getting my mail again.  Otherwise, it's the same shit, different day.  SIGH.  Better attitude coming later in the week.

Day 75 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 75 Weigh In: 201.5

Change Since Last Week: -2

2 lbs down from last week, meaning I lost the 1.5 gain from the week before plus another half pound.  Sometimes I really don't think they did anything other than take the band out.  The doc had said he couldn't make my stomach as small as he'd like because of the scar tissue and I know people who have already had weight loss surgery lose slower and not as much as "virgin" surgery people.  I guess I'm still just a little disappointed in how this is going.  I heard things like "I have to remind myself to eat" and "You're never hungry" and "I can eat so little."  It's bullshit.  I can eat a lot less but I'm constantly thinking about my next meal.  Is it in my head?  Absolutely.  That doesn't help.  That must makes me see that NOTHING Is going to work.  I'm always going to be fat because I have no willpower and can't get past my own brain.  So a little disappointed?  Yes definitely but not in the stupid sleeve...just in myself.  

Setting A Good Example

I saw an article on BBC about one of the youngest diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes.  Article is here. The girls was just 3 years old and weighed 35kg.  I had to do a conversion on this and for my other metric impaired American friends, that's 77 lbs.  For childless friends who really have no idea about what kids should weigh.  My oldest weighs 73 lbs and she's 10 years old and mostly muscle.  The doctors believe it was caused by diet and lack of exercise.  This story has a happy ending.  The doctor who diagnosed the child apparently gave the parents a good wake up call and just 6 months after the diagnosis, she's lost almost 9 kg (20 lbs) and no longer needs medication.

How do we let our children get this way?!?!?  The article didn't provide a picture but I can imagine what the parents look like.  Most likely, they look like my husband and me.  One of my biggest motivators for losing weight and eating healthy to set a good example for my girls. I don't want them to struggle the way I have.  I don't want them to get bullied by kids in school.  I don't want them to have these types of health problems in the future.  I don't know how anyone could look at a 77 lb toddler and think that's OK.  That they're doing their job as a parent!  Your job is to protect your children and keep them healthy.  These parents were failing at that.  I'm glad they got the wake up call and I'm glad they changed their ways and this child is now OK, but I just can't believe it took their daughter needed diabetes medication (keep in mind this is NOT Type 1) in order for them to see they were hurting their child.

My sister gives me a hard time when she comes to visit about the kind of food I have in the house and how I don't let my kids have run of the pantry.  My kids have to ask if they want any snack other than fruit.  Her pantry is full of chips, crackers, sugary cereal, etc.  She thinks it's crazy that I make my kids waffles/pancakes/ and eggs or breakfast sandwiches every morning before school.  She asks why they can't make their own breakfast and I could just buy some cereal?  She really doesn't get it and as someone who LOOKS JUST LIKE ME, you'd think she'd already know.  She thinks it's "mean" that I "make" the kids eat the way I do.  Yes, my kids eat the same dinners I eat...protein and veggies and very little bread, rice or carbs.  That's OK!  They aren't deprived.  She doesn't see a reason to "push" this lifestyle on my kids since they're not fat.  She's right.  They aren't fat and with a little luck and a little education, they never will be.  Her kids aren't fat...YET.  Just wait until their little metabolisms slow down and they aren't running all over the place.  I'm not a food nazi.  We have treats (remember I had ice cream 3 times last week?).  They get to eat their Halloween candy.  They get birthday cake and celebrate stuff.  There's just no reason to have your day to day diet to be THAT processed and crappy.  *Stepping off soapbox*

This week has been a dud of a week and I'm glad it's nearly over.  Get through today and hopefully we'll reset with the weekend.  I hope you all get a chance to relax and reset too.

Is This Week Over Yet?

Where to start.  We'll start at the gym.  I went to the gym last night and was going to start my work out on the stair climber.  It's one of the ones that look like this;

I have a love/hate relationship with this machine.  I HATE it when I'm on it.  It's truly the devil but I LOVE how much I sweat the calories I burn on it.  Now I have used this machine in the past...no problem.  I am short so getting on is kind of a big heave ho to the first step but no biggie.  While there is always a little give to the steps when I stand on it, it certainly isn't fast and it's not like it's ON.  Well, last night, I went to step on it and it immediately gave way as if the belt was slipping and since I wasn't completely on the first step yet and couldn't get up fast enough, I fell straight down on to the gym floor.  The guy next me jumped off his to see if I was okay.  I was so freakin' embarrassed.  Another gym patron went and got an employee.  I felt like such an idiot.  The employee looked at the machine, deemed it broken and put a sign on it.  At least it wasn't just me being too stupid to use gym equipment but still.  So I had this internal conversation with myself as I'm trying to tell everyone I'm fine and get up with as much dignity as I could muster:

Me: "Self, I cannot believe I did that!"
Self: "Run!  Get out of here as quickly as you can.  You're such an idiot."
Me: "I don't understand how that happened.  Can I not even step up on to a machine anymore?  Have I gotten THAT fat and uncoordinated?
Self: "Yes you have.  And everyone is staring.  OMG.  They're asking if you need ice.  Answer them. Say no.  Say SOMETHING."

I mumble no to the ice and wave away the very helpful hand of the guy next to me to heave myself up into a standing position.

Self:  "Seriously, grab your keys, drive away and never come back.  You can never come back here.  Don't let your face turn red.  Salvage your dignity woman!"
Me: "You just shut up."

So I got on the treadmill instead.

Needless to say, it was a rough workout and by the time I got home.  I HURT.  The whole left side of my body hurt and still hurts today.

So this morning, I'm supposed to have my new mattress delivered. They gave me the very specific window of 8 a.m. - 5 p.m.  Fine.  I'm going to be home all day anyway.  I'm walking out of the house to walk the girls to the bus stop at 7:20 a.m. this morning when the truck is pulling up.  Of course they're early.  SIGH.  But then...BAM!!!  They ran over my mailbox!!!

I've already called Customer Service and am opening a claim.  The HOA here is super strict and all the mailboxes, posts, etc. are identical so I got the number of the company they use and left them a message this morning.  And now I have back to back to back meetings until 5 tonight.  Awesome.  Meanwhile, I'll keep icing my leg from last night's fall and just try to get through the day without killing someone.  At least I have an assistant to help me out.

Day 68 Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 68 Weigh In: 203.5

Change Since Last Week: +1.5

I gained back the 1.5 I lost last week.  A number of contributing factors:

• Water retention.  I had Chinese food twice over the weekend.  The choices weren't bad (meat and veg) but sodium is probably way high.
• I am retaining some water. My fingers are swollen and achy.  Usually a sign for me.
• I consumed entirely too much sugar this week.  I had ice cream 3 times!
• Work/Family picnic over the weekend.  Overindulged.
• Too much alcohol throughout the week.

I know where I went wrong.  I also know I didn't eat 1.5 lbs worth of sugar this week.  A lot of this is water.  I'll work to flush it out and keep the food choices in check.  Also back to alcohol only on weekends.  My planner has a leadership development quote every day.  This was today's.

Yes, this is good advice in general for the workplace.  You could, in fact, apply it to anything.  Specifically to how I've been doing.  I tend to do really well in spurts.  I have weeks where I'm spot on and I have weeks where I slip into old habits something fierce.  I'll only be successful long term if I make it a HABIT.  So this week's all about getting back to good and making it a habit.

Happy Monday all!

Week in Review 9/11/15

This week has been so/so.  I haven't made the best food CHOICES but I haven't grazed and I've watched the portions.  I also went to the gym twice.  I think I need to go to the gym more often to actually make it a habit.  There's a game going around facebook where you type your name and "meme" into google images search and post the first one that comes back.  This was mine.

I've decided it's my attitude about working out that needs adjusting.  My attitude about food is actually very healthy right now.  I miss feeling strong and fit though.

I'm feeling very tired lately.  I'm having a hard time getting up and going in the morning.  I'm no the only one though.  Last night, the dogs were in bed before I was.

There are two dogs here. Can you spot the 2nd one?

The girls' school bus was late this morning so I had time to do their hair.  This is a very rare thing for me as we're usually somewhat rushed in the morning and I've never been particularly "girly" when it comes to hair styling.  I've never been particularly good at it.  They liked their looks for today though.

No big plans for the weekend.  Hubby has a work event on Saturday that I'm trying to get out of.  We'll see.  It seems his work group does a lot of work events during off work hours and it's starting to get irritating.  Supposedly it's for morale purposes but if that's the case they should be doing this during work hours and not during employees' family time.  Just my opinion.  The weather is supposed to cool off a bit over the weekend so I'm hoping we can do something outdoors, maybe the dog park now that little dog has gotten her stitches out or maybe the beach.

I usually do a Friday Funny but as it's 9/11, instead I leave you with a request to never forget.

Labor Day Weigh In

PreOp Diet Weigh In: 226
Surgery Day Weigh In: 218.5
Day 63 Weigh In: 202

Change Since Last Week: -1.5

1.5 seems to be my lucky number.  Honestly though, I will lose 1.5/week all year if I could and be very happy with the end result.  The good news is I'm only 2 lbs away from Onederland again.  I'll be very excited to see that.  

The weekend was good and extra long.  I took yesterday off to finally use my Mother's Day present of a massage and facial so that was very relaxing!  I'm not loving being back at work today but tis life.  

My mom's cousin started a private facebook group for that side of the family and I joined over the weekend.  She has some really wonderful old pics of the family.  I don't know most of them as we moved out of the state when I was very young but it's fun to see all the pics.  

My Granmda Irma.  She died in March of 2012.  

The baby is the same Grandma in the picture above it.  

My mom.

My Grandpa Bill and Grandma Irma at her last family reunion.  

I had a parent/teacher conference with my oldest daughter's teacher this morning.  She's doing well but has a few things to improve on by the end of the year.  I actually liked the teacher giving us goals to work towards.  Makes my job easier.  She also talked about how quiet Maddie is.  Unfortunately for my dear daughter, she inherited my introverted nature.  She's REALLY shy and kinda socially awkward.  SIGH.  

Hubby had his 4th interview yesterday for the job he really wants in Savannah.  Fingers crossed for him.  He'll be devastated if he doesn't get it.  

But it is Wednesday and I've only got 3 workdays this week so WAHOO!