And So It Begins....

Oh yeah...Here I am.  It's New Year's and true to the triteness of it all, I'm back at making my resolutions that I'm going to get healthy and fit this year.  Well, ya know what?  This time I really mean it.  Yes...that was said with some sarcasm but it is what it is.  So here we go...Introducing Panda's Goals for 2015!

1. Get on with it!  My band has to be removed. I talked with the band doc and the endoscopy guy and we're gettin' 'er done in January or February, depending on when the stars align for both of these procedures to happen same day by both docs (one procedure removes the band part, the other removes the port and tube) and for me not to be traveling for work or the girls' gymnastics meets.  Either way, that bad boy is coming out EARLY this year and we're moving on.  No more moping, wondering, thinking, lingering or anything else on this.  It's done...band is broken...nothing I could've done, nothing I can do about it other than get it OUT.  So there you have it.
   
2. Get healthy and fit again!  Of course this was going to be on the list...you know me too well.  I will weigh every Monday morning.  I want to lose 70 lbs. Will that happen this year, most likely not but Goddamnit I will make progress!  No more climbing or staying stagnant.  Paleo eating and hitting the gym at least twice a week and walking every day...no exceptions!
   
3. Think positive!  I have gotten into a rut where I'm focusing on the negative in life.  It's always about what's going wrong or how busy I am or how busy I'm not or blah, blah, blah.  Even I'm sick of talking to me.  I made a goal one year to be more CONTENT.  Well, let's do this.  To help, I'm going to think of one good thing that happened every day and share it at the dinner table.  That's everyone's challenge in the family is to share one good thing that happened to them or the world that day.  
   
4. Stop and breathe!  All too often, we go day to day in the a rushed stupor, doing what needs to be done and not taking the time to stop, breathe and enjoy what's around us.  We are living to work, instead of working to live.  Not this year.  I work 40 hours a week and travel occasionally...this shouldn't consume my life.  My kids are involved in activities but they are not overscheduled.  We can all take an afternoon in the middle of the week to just BE and so we will.  At least one weekday a week, I'm going to get off work and go do something fun.  We'll go to the dog park, or the human park, or go see a movie or go to the mall or feed the ducks or SOMETHING to get out of the house and doing something enjoyable in the middle of the workweek.  Life's too short to spend it all on a schedule.
   

So there you have it.  Happy New Year and good luck to us all in our new goals!

To start it off right...

Weigh In Week #1:  213

Let's do this.

Post Endoscopy Update

Special thanks to Amy for reminding me that there may be some people who think of me from time to time and wonder how I am.  I can't begin to tell you how much I needed that.

So...the endoscopy.  The band has completely eroded into my stomach and must be removed.  Despite how that sounds, it's not posing any significant health risks at the moment and since I'm asymptomatic, there's not rush to have it removed.  That being the case, we're going to wait until the new year so that the new insurance can kick in.

I'm not particularly surprised by the results.  I applaud my new lapband doc for testing for this scenario despite no symptoms outside of the rapid weight gain after having been so successful.  Emotionally, I'm a bit of a wreck.  I can't seem to get over this feeling of failure or hopelessness in regards to my weight loss journey.  I'm trying to just push past it and not think of that too much.

What I found particularly interesting is that the endoscopy doc (endoscopist? lol) says they can remove the band via endoscopy.  I had never heard of this and just assumed that it would be removed the same way it was put in.  I have a follow up appointment with the lapband doc December 11th to discuss further and find out what my removal options are.  I'm also going to inquire as to revision options.  I had such a hard time getting the lapband originally approved through insurance that I don't have much hope that a revision would be approved.  I suppose I could start looking into it.  My husband is considering a revision to a gastric sleeve.  His band is fine but he's been unsuccessful with it to date.  SIGH.  We all had such high hopes when we were banded.   It's disheartening to see so many of us back at square one.

After my follow up, I may be back in research mode and looking for blogs of others in my same scenario.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying the holidays with my family.  I got all my Christmas lights up over the weekend and I've got them all set to music which is pretty cool.  It was also my youngest daughter's birthday over the weekend.  It's so hard to believe my baby is 7!  Some pics...

Band Erosion

I disappeared again.  The No Eating Out Challenge went fairly well although I did not succeed.  It did get me back into a better groove and only eating out once or twice a week so that's better.

I met the lapband doc. He gave me a small fill and ordered an esophagram.  I had the esophogram last week and the doc's office just called.  The images look "odd."  It looks as though the barium is outside of the band which would indicate an erosion.  He wants to do an endoscopy to be sure.  His office is emailing a couple GI docs that he prefers to use and they're going to call me to make an appointment.  I'm not sure how I feel about all this.  I'm scared and not sure if this is all my fault.  Did I do something to cause it?  I know I haven't been a good patient the last year or so.  I need to do more research about causes but if has eroded, it will need to come out.  I'm not sure how I feel about that part either.

For whatever reason, I'm really upset.  I'm sitting here crying...but I don't really know why.  I'm scared to lose the band.  Angry at myself for letting this happen.  Just needed to get this out there.  Will keep you posted.