Feeling Down

Good morning.  This is probably not going to be an altogether happy post so feel free to skip.  Feeling a little down today.  Got a call from my mom last night and Grandma is slowly slipping away.  She's now having seizures fairly regularly throughout the day.  They hope to move her to the nursing home today and then they'll call hospice in to do what they do.  Reality was setting in for my grandfather yesterday and he's quite upset (of course).  I'm glad my mother can be with him.  She's the oldest daughter of six kids so I think he looks to her for taking care of everything.  My mom is, undoubtedly, up to the task but I feel for him and her.  It sounds like it's starting to take a bit of a toll on her but I think she's holding up OK.  Hubby checked out flights last night and good lord they're expensive!  We had been trying to work out how we would both be able to go as far as finding care for the kids but I think finances are going to dictate that only I go when the time comes.  While none of this is unexpected as my grandmother's health has been deteriorating for quite some time, it is still tough to go through.  I'm glad all 6 of her kids are up with her and the majority of the grandchildren are too.  There are only a few of us who live further away.  Oh well...enough of that.

Checking in on yesterday - not quite as good as the day before:

No cookies - Check

No chocolate - Check

No fast food (Mon-Fri) - Check

No coffee house coffee (Mon-Fri) - Check

No eating out (Mon-Fri) - No Check

Get all my water in - Check

Work out at least 3 days - No Check

Minimal snacking - Not bad

Alright...I'll tackle the eating out first - I ate out twice yesterday.  Lunch wasn't my fault (oh yeah...I'm gonna make an excuse).  I had brought leftover fish.  I took one bite of it and realized it had turned so I picked up lunch yesterday.  I think the risk of food poisoning warranted it.  However, the choice could've been A LOT better and THAT'S where I'm going to be held accountable.  I had 2 taquitos, refried beans and 2 forkfuls of rice.  Eek!  As for dinner, no excuse here except laziness.  Hubby and I didn't want to cook so we ordered pizza...and breadsticks...and cinnamon sticks.  Good lord!  Hubby and I talked to eachother about it and while it's obvious we're both enablers for poor eating, we've got to stop it!


Working out.  Ummm...right.  What's exercise mean again?  Legs were feeling fine...just didn't get it done.  That's all I'm saying about this because it's like beating a dead horse.


Snacking - Overall, not bad.  Had some chips at work.  No snacks otherwise and chips are now gone so I won't be doing that today.


I have a parent/teacher conference at Maddie's school today.  I can't remember if I mentioned this previously but her teacher has been out since October due to family health issues.  She had one sub through Christmas break and now another sub through the end of the year.  No, I have not been real happy about this but Maddie seems to like this new one quite a bit.  Hopefully this'll be a productive meeting but I'm not holding my breath.  For every other class, they had conferences at the end of October (we didn't because it wasn't clear when or if her teacher would be coming back and the sub obviously didn't know anything to do it) and now they're having a secondary conference where they've gotten to know your child better and would be able to tell you if they had improved or whatever since the last conference.  Obviously, we've been cheated in this regard.  I'm trying to go in with an open mind but I've been pretty annoyed about it all year.


My brother-in-law (wow...this is turning into a long, random post) is doing fine...thanks to all who have asked.  He ended the clinical trial this past week but they're going to let him keep taking the meds for another 6 months.  I'm not sure if they'll re-evaluate at that time and allow him to stay on it if he wants to but at least he can for the next 6 months...I think he'll be OK during this time as the meds have worked really well for him.  


That's where we're at with everything lovelies.  Tomorrow is March 1st and for those of you paying attention, that is weigh day.  It's odd that I picked a Thursday to weigh in as my weigh in days have historically been Mondays but I liked the idea of doing it on the 1st.  I'm scared to death to step on the scale and see what kind of damage I've done.  There I said it.  But we all have to face the music sometime and for me, that music is tomorrow.  Expect another down and out post then.  


I promise someday the positivity will return.  Just not sure when.  In an attempt to lighten the mood, I give you a Leap Year Giggle:

Tuesday - Just Checkin' In

Just checking in this morning.  Let's take a look at yesterday and see how I did.  

No cookies - Check

No chocolate - Check

No fast food (Mon-Fri) - Check

No coffee house coffee (Mon-Fri) - Check

No eating out (Mon-Fri) - Check

Get all my water in - Check

Work out at least 3 days - Not yet (why is this one so hard?!?!)

Minimal snacking - Not bad

So over all, it didn't check in too badly.  I didn't work out as my legs had just had it by the time I got home.  Will be doing this today.  Must. get. back. to. exercising.  I say it and I say it yet it just doesn't happen.  I also snacked more than I had intended to but just couldn't seem to get full yesterday.


Work is still kind of a mess.  We have this one issue that's just killin' me...it's a BIG issue but it's like all consuming.  My boss has been out of the office the last 2 days and she's not going to be happy when she gets in today.  No change in my grandmother's status...thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  This isn't all that unexpected but it's still sad to see it happen.  Not that I wish death on anyone but sometimes it's the most merciful choice.  My allergies are a mess.  We had a wicked windy day yesterday and it's kicked up pollen, weeds, grass, branches, you name it.  My nose started running last night, eyes got itchy and woke up with a headache this morning.  It's supposed to calm down today.  Hopefully my allergies do too.  


I've noticed that a lot of the longtime bloggers are less inspired, motivated or inclined to blog these days.  There's been a few posts batting around about it.  I can definitely see why that would be.  I mean...if you've hit goal and maintaining well...you may feel that you have nothing to blog about, especially if the main focus of your blog was weight loss.  For those like me who have been stuck at 30 lbs to goal for the last 4 months, it may just seem futile.  How many times can I post "I must exercise" before either a) blogger identifies too many similar posts and disables my blog altogether, b) I lose a gazillion followers, feel unloved and drive a screwdriver through my monitor, or c) I get off my ass and do it.  I'm hoping for C.  But I can see why that wouldn't be real motivating.  Then other bloggers seem worried about B (the followers part).  I know we all love having them and the support is fan-freaking-tastic, but really...these blogs are more like therapy than anything else.  Some think we don't want to hear about your kids or puppies or jobs or why Uncle Al isn't invited over for Christmas anymore.  But, personally, I love blogs like that.  Makes me feel like these blogs are written by real people vs some virtual machine that just spits out posts to keep me occupied while I should be working  have free time.  As for me, I don't care who I bore or if no one ever reads this again.  There's a great amount of accountability in this and I feel that if I were to disappear, I'd start gaining the weight back or just lose focus.  OK...those are my little thoughts on blogging.  I, too, have been asking myself what I'm getting out of blogging since I haven't lost even a pound in MONTHS.  I know what I get out of it.  I get all those feelings out that would bore people in "real life" to tears.  And poor Hubby doesn't have to sit through ALL my mindless ramblings (though he does get most of them).  


Wow...very random post today.  I'm starting to look toward my next event.  I know I'll be doing one in April (thinking of a 10k vs the 5k) but might see if there is one before that.  Otherwise, it's just another Tuesday in Candyland.  Hope it's a good one for ya. How about some cute panda pics to make the blog more interesting this morning?

Followers, Hike and Weekend

First...I logged in this morning to find 200 followers!!! When I started this little blog, it was to find some support in this whole banding thing.  I never thought I'd have so many people playing along in the world of Candyland.  Truly...I feel so lucky to have found this little (though quickly growing) niche in the blogosphere. Thank you all for the support and inspiration.  Now on to weekend.

Big Hike.  5.6 miles up... and 5.6 miles DOWN.  So I wound up hiking with my BFF and some of her friends from work.  2 of these friends are real hikers and one is just a skinny little thing who is too funny.  Anyway, I held my own on the way up.  Slowed them down a little but not too bad.  We made it to the top. Yay me!  Then they all said that instead of taking the bus down, they were gonna walk it.  Mmmmmkay.  I was set on the bus but I didn't want to be the only wuss who took it.  So I walked down.  That's right ladies and gentlemen...that makes over 11 miles walked on Saturday...half of them UPhill.  I did not die.  I tell you what though...I could barely MOVE Sunday.  Still sore today but getting better.  Here are some pics.

My walking group...Me, BFF, Skinny Thing, Jeff & his dog Guiness

Darn glare!  But yes...I made it to the top

I wrote this on the "Why I Climb Wall" - for my brother in law

Very excited about making it to the top

So some NSV's yes?

• A year and a half ago, I was training for the 3 Day.  BFF and I did a 4 mile training walk through hilly terrain.  I was slow, I was sweating, and I almost didn't make it to the end.  I did 5.6 miles UPhill and felt OK.  I did 11 and didn't feel as bad as I did after that 4 miles.  Amazing!
• I couldn't pick up my tshirt until the morning of the event.  I didn't want to carry one around so instead I went in search of a tank top I could wear under the shirt as not to be too hot.  I found one at Target...size MEDIUM.
• I tried on the size large and the size medium 3 times each before deciding that medium was the best way to go.  It clings more to the tummy than the large but provides the girls with more support.  I got on the park and ride bus in that tank top and, for the first time ever, wasn't self conscious that people thought "What is that fat girl doing in a tank top?"
• 11 miles.  That's a half marathon.  That's right.  I walked a half marathon.

After the hike, I went home, showered, and then off we went to a friend's 4 year old's birthday party.  It was fun..more like the kids just running around while parents hung out kind of thing than an actual party.  Sunday was spent being sore and at the mall.  The kiddos play on this little play area thing at the mall and love it.  We popped into the Disney Store to reserve a copy of the Muppet Movie and let the kids color a picture there.  We bought them a pair of shoes and then hung out at home.  

My grandmother is not doing well.  She is able to speak at this point and feed herself but still cannot move.  She's also experiencing heart failure and has liquid on her one lung.  It's really just a matter of time.  My mother seems to be holding up OK but I am debating flying up there to be with her.  We'll see.  

So it's Monday... work has been really stressful the last few days and today doesn't look as though it's going to be any better.  But I feel good about how I spent my weekend and I'm on the healthy train.  I was going to start up the 30 Day Shred but the muscles just aren't going to do it today.  Thinking of breaking out an old yoga video instead.  I have my breakfast and lunch packed along with a healthy snack if needed.  Some goals for the week:

1. No cookies
2. No chocolate
3. No fast food (Mon-Fri)
4. No coffee house coffee (Mon-Fri)
5. No eating out (Mon-Fri)
6. Get all my water in
7. Work out at least 3 days
8. Minimal snacking

Sounds like a lot but really it's just breaking stuff down into pieces.  Hope y'all had a great weekend.  For a little Monday DEMotivation: