Monday Already?

I swear there just aren't enough hours in the day.  So I had a very busy weekend.  After several lice treatments and hours of combing through the girls' hair and my hair, I think we have taken care of the lice.  We'll do the recommended repeat shampooing next weekend and hopefully that will be the end of it.  So other than treating ourselves for lice, what else did we do?  We cleaned out and organized the office and my bedroom.  For the record, both of these rooms have been woefully neglected the past several months...accruing trash, old bills that needed to be shredded, old law directories that needed to be thrown out, shoe boxes stacking up, etc.  So after Saturday and Sunday, we had this to haul out:

The moving survey people are coming today to figure out how much stuff we have so I had to get a clearer idea of these 2 rooms.  I also washed every piece of clothing (at least it seemed that way) and sheets and towels that we have in our house.  Now I just have A LOT to fold.

On Sunday, we also went and got our haircut (once we were sure we were lice free, of course).  I was only going to get a trim but then got a bug up my butt and chopped it all off.

Maddie with her short bob

Lori wants to grow her hair to her butt (sigh) so we just trimmed the bangs and took off the ends

So now it's back to work for another fun filled week.  Lori is turning 5 on Thursday.  Our tradition is the birthday girl/boy gets to pick dinner...she wants Chick Fil A so there ya go.  I think we're going to do her actual family party on Friday with balloons and cake and she says she wants to see a movie so we may do that on Saturday.  I was going to do an indoor play thing with a couple friends but decided against it.  I may change my mind again.  We'll see.

This week's focus is on not snacking out of stress.  Wish me luck.

Monday DEMotivator:

Thankful...Sorta

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Mine was bittersweet.  There was good...there was not-so-good but I hesitate to say "bad."  So a little rundown:

• Dinner was good.  Despite a few kitchen mishaps (do any of you suffer from bad cooking days?  Where it seems it's harder to cook or more stuff goes wrong than normal?  Well, that was yesterday for me.), the food came out very yummy. 
• I got an early Christmas gift from my BFF...a new personalized phone case with a pic of the girls at Disney.  So cool!  

• As is tradition, I had my first cup of eggnog with my mom to kick off the holiday season.  Mmmm...Me gusta egg nog mucho!

• I really missed Hubby on Thanksgiving.  I found myself a little weepy in the morning, making kids breakfast and loading up the car and stuff.
• I felt really bad for Hubby later when I talked to him and he sounded so down that he spent Thanksgiving alone.  
• He's not going to feel any better, missing Lori's birthday later in the week.  :(
• In the middle of all the hustle and bustle yesterday, I discovered that we all have lice.  My girls and me.  Eeeeewwwww!  So effing gross!  So I got to run to CVS to buy lice treatment for all 3 of us and spent yesterday evening shampooing and combing and all that nasty stuff.
• The lice stuff is something Hubby would usually do for me because he knows how badly I'd be icked out.  I had to suck it up.  
• It was also really difficult to comb through my hair and it's difficult to see what I'm doing.  God I miss him.  I may have to ask my mom to see if it looks like I got everything.  Eeeeewwww again.
• It was a little sad to think this was the last Thanksgiving here in Phoenix.  I'm hoping my parents will make an annual trip out to Jacksonville so we can at least keep that going.
• I was happy that while I did overindulge yesterday that it wasn't a complete derailment.  I skipped breakfast, had Thanksgiving lunch and yes a small slice of each of the pies, the eggnog and that was it.  No dinner as I was too full.  Not bad compared to preband indulgence.

So it was a good day and a challenging day.  I realize how lucky I am that I have my girls and my parents and friends around me right now but missed Hubby something terrible.  It makes me really glad we're going to be together for Christmas.  

Let's lighten the mood with a Friday Funny:

I Bow To Single Moms

So a little background.  Hubby started law school in 2002/2003.  We spent that year apart while I finished up at ASU and planned our wedding.  It was hard.  Luckily, I had my mom's flight benefits and flew for free so I made it up to Ohio to visit every couple months.  I was also busy with school, friends and wedding planning.  It was still hard but we made it through no worse for wear.

So this is what I've been telling myself since Hubby left on Saturday.  I said, "Self.  It's a mere month.  It's not a year or even 2 months...you went longer during that year not seeing him than you are spending apart now.  This is not a big deal. And you thought you were busy before??  You've got 2 kids now!  You've got to get them up, get them dressed, get them fed...there are lunches to be made!  You've got to get yourself showered, dressed and ready.  Get everyone off to school and yourself to work!  And this is all before 8 am!  Then you've got the evenings...homework, dinner, baths, stories, bedtime, sorting through stuff for the move!  When are you going to have time to miss him?!?!"  So that's been my pep talk for 3 days now.  And it's working...as far as missing him goes.  I'm also older and more mature now so that's undoubtedly helping as well.

Something else we discovered last night was skype!  We didn't have this back in 2002.  Or if we did, we didn't know about it.  How fun!  It's basically video conferencing using your computer.  Very handy.  The girls loved it and it's nice to be able to actually chat as if he's in the same room.  This little innovation truly makes long distance relationships easier!

OK...so that's all well and good for the emotional side of everything. It's that to do list I ran through.  While it's very handy at keeping me busy...it's only Day 3 and I'm exhausted!  I have done virtually no moving prep work as I'm just trying to get a routine down right now.  Unfortunately, it's a luxury I don't have.  I really do have to get on top of all the moving stuff.  The gym is almost already a distant memory.  We do own a treadmill and I've thought about working off some of this stress at night but we'll see if that actually happens.  There's a reason I have a gym membership...I find it extremely difficult to get motivated at home.

So I say all of that to say, while I've always had a lot of respect for single moms...I truly bow to you.  I don't know how you do it day in and day out for so long.

There is some good news in my life (not that any of this is really bad...just stressful).  I am down 2.5 lbs since Friday morning.  Feeling good about that.  I'm really focusing on my food and trying not to snack.  I'm also wearing my PanAm pencil skirt today and feeling sassy.  And for the first time ever, I decided to go truly old school and wore my pearls today.  I never had pearls...never liked them much but as I've matured (ahem) they've grown on me.  Anyway, I got a string of my grandmother's when she passed away but I have never worn them.  There's a first time for everything.

So that's my life at the moment.  Boss is out of the office this week so it's nice and quiet.  She creates drama around here.  I'm working from home tomorrow.  I've got pies to bake and the girls' turkey trots at their school.  Yes...I'll be running with them again.  Last year was the first year I actually ran with Maddie at hers and I felt so good about it.  This year, I get to do 2.  :)

Hope y'all are having a great week!

A Dose Of Honesty

So I don't think I set out to be misleading in my blog but I think I wasn't being honest with myself and was burying my feelings a bit so I wanted to put them out here as it's been awhile since Manda and Panda had a good heart to heart state of the union address.  I have been kicking butt on exercise...not every day but at least a few days a week and feeling really good about it.  Pushing my limits...challenging myself physically..all that good stuff.  The food, however, oh boy the food.  It's been a mess.  OK...so that's what you do know.  I've been very upfront about my opportunities to improve here.  What I may not have been upfront about was how I was FEELING about it.  I don't think I was upfront with MYSELF with how I was feeling about it.

So I went to my lapband doc on Friday as I had decided I need a fill before I move off to Florida.  I was also sick of reading about all these lapbanded folk who are full for hours on three tablespoons of food.  Seriously...I just can't understand how y'all are getting in 800 calories a day and aren't hungry.  I just don't get it.  I've never gotten my calories that low.  OK...I'm rambling...back to my point.  I decided as part of my recommitment, I had to get back to working this tool I had so I made an appointment for a fill.  I walk into the doc's office and he asks how I'm doing and it all comes spilling out of me.  I don't know where it came from.  I was about two minutes shy of having a full blown emotional breakdown right there in that little examination room.  So I'm going to tell you what I told him...as close to verbatim as I can make it.

I'm frustrated but it's beyond frustrated.  My weight is creeping up and for the first time in 2 years, I don't feel in control of my food or my eating or my health.  I'm scared.  I'm scared that I'm failing...that I will have spent all this time, money and energy and wind up right where I started.  I'm scared that if I can't lose weight after having surgery that it's hopeless.  It's the first time that I've honestly felt like I CAN'T get back on track.  That my willpower just won't do it for me.  That I was starting to feel a little hopeless about it all.

So I said all that.  And he nodded and "hmm'd."  And then he said this, "That's hunger hormones talking."  Say what?  Basically...that he knows I can lose because I've lost 70 lbs.  He knows I can eat right because I was eating right but I let myself go too long too loose.  "But doc!  You would think after 2 years, I'd have learned enough about myself and my eating to be able to lose or at least maintain without relying on perfect restriction."  He says if I could do that, I wouldn't have needed the band in the first place.  Now before people get all "He's giving you an excuse."  He really isn't.  He went on to say that yes, I could white knuckle it from here on out but why?  Why would I do that when I DON'T HAVE TO?  Then he said...you're hungry so you're eating.  You're snacking and yes, you're making some not-so-great choices about your snacking.  But the band in its right fill level can help make those choices easier and you know what?  I know that!  That's why I did so well for so long...it was EASY to make the right choice.  Then he continued, "We can fix it.  Don't worry...we can fix hungry and get you back on track."  And with that, I hopped up on to the table and got my fill.  I then picked up some soup on my way back to work.  Ate a bowl of soup and felt full and I stayed full until I ate dinner at 5.

There are times I forget why I chose the doctor I did and then there are days like Friday when it's made very clear to me.  And maybe it was just therapeutic getting all that gunk out of my system...all the fears and negativity that I didn't even realize I'd been garnering.

So that brings us to today.  My fill level feels really good.  I'm back to 3 small meals a day with minimal snacking and have lost 2 lbs over the weekend.  The weekend was busy.  Ron left on Saturday.  I miss him already.  This morning was my first "single mom school morning" and it went well.  The girls were good, they got to school on time and even with terrible traffic, I made it to work on time.  1 day down, 34 to go.

I finished the first item on my moving to-do list and went through the girls' closet.  That closet is now ready to move.  LOL.  Busy week ahead with Thanksgiving and all but will be blogging and checking in.

And in honor of this day of thanks, a Monday DEMotivation:

And because I was torn between 2 and just couldn't decide which I liked better, you get a double dose today.  You're welcome.

Too Old For Breaking Dawn

On so many levels.

So I was invited to the opening show of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 last night.  A lady at work rents a theater and a bunch of people have been going to all of these so I decided to join in the fun.  I have not read the Twilight books and I wouldn't classify myself as a "Twihard" but the movies are a guilty pleasure of mine. So yes..I'm not the target demographic and am too old for Breaking Dawn.  I am also too old to go to opening nights now too.  I got to bed around 2 a.m. and was up for work at 4:30.  I am so freakin' tired.  Outside of that, I was also a little annoyed by the number of little kids at this show.  They behaved well but they were so tired and didn't want to be there and it made me mad.  This kind of stuff didn't bother me in my younger years.  But all that aside, we had a good time and I think this movie is by far the best of the series.  Here I am supporting Team Edward before I left for the evening:

So in my quest to recommit and get back on track, I have an appointment with lapband doc to get a fill today.  I long for the days where I ate very little and then didn't think about food again for hours.  I've also decided that once Hubby leaves, I'm committing to the food thing.  I'm going to incorporate shakes and salads more because they're quick and easy and that's going to become more important the busier I get.  I got quite a bit done on a personal front yesterday...made my fill appointment, made check up appointments for the girls at their doc, ordered Lori's birthday presents, ordered some balloons and stuff I need for her cake.  After work today, Hubby and I are going to the credit union to close our joint account.

Hubby leaves tomorrow.  This makes me sad.  We've done the long distance thing before.  We spent his first year of law school apart so we know how it is.  We didn't have kids then and it just seems like it will be different this time.  I certainly have enough to keep me busy though and have my mom and friends here to help out.

In happier news, Hubby bought me an early Christmas gift...an Ipad!  I'm so excited.  I love this little thing!  And now I can check blogs at home without having to be sitting at my computer so it's far more likely that I'll actually keep up when I'm out of the office.  And maybe I already have all my Zynga games loaded to it already too.  :)


And it's been awhile but a Friday Funny to kick off the weekend:

TTT A Day Early 11-14-12

ETA:  I did this whole post before realizing it's Wednesday.  Ha!  Yes, I could've just waited to post it tomorrow but what would be the fun in that?  Now I'm disappointed that tomorrow isn't Friday...

It's been quite awhile since I've done  Ten Thing Thursday, courtesy of Laura Belle, but I don't think I've forgotten how...

1.  We have an official move date...at least our stuff does.  The packers are coming 12/20 and the truck leaves 12/21.  I forgot I would have to take a day off for the packers.  Darn!  Then the girls and I are flying out 12/23 or 12/24 depending on how much flights are.  We'll be in an empty house but at least we'll all be together and I'm hoping my parents don't make me feel too guilty about not staying until after Christmas.

2.  I have my moving to-do list done.  I don't think I've forgotten anything but I'm sure I did.  At least all the big stuff is on there.  I even made into a schedule, breaking it down into chunks as not to be too overwhelming.  Now to just not procrastinate.

3.  Despite this to-do list, I have also decided to host Thanksgiving again this year.  I've been doing this since I've been married pretty much and I love it.  My oldest daughter even highlighted it when her class was talking about traditions and I don't want to break that one for her.  It'll be at my mom's house but I'll do all the cooking.

4.  My youngest daughter is OBSESSED with Monster High.  She wants Monster High EVERYTHING for her birthday, including the cake.  Luckily, I'm finding a lot of inspiration on the internet so this could be interesting.

5.  I had my monthly meeting with Boss' Boss yesterday and my homework assignment (I get one every time...they're interesting) is to take 5 important people for coffee.  He helped me make the list of the 5.  The idea is that at some point once I'm in Jacksonville, I'm going to have to call on these 5 people at some point to help me with something so we want to solidify that relationship while I'm still here.  It's a brilliant idea but for a socially awkward introvert, it's maddening.  How do you just up and grab coffee or lunch with people that you "know" but don't really talk to on a day to day basis?  Hmmm....

6.  So I talk a lot of smack about my company, my boss and my job in general but as we're working through this move and the accommodations they're making, I really am so lucky.  I know it's not all luck.  I know my company isn't just warm and cuddly.  They're being so gracious because of my hard work and contributions to my company over the last almost-9 years.  I think there was a time where I wouldn't recognize the role I play in all this...chalking it up to an overly understanding manager or something but not this time.  This time, I'm giving credit where credit's due.

7.  Am I the only one that thinks this pumpkin pie vodka sounds delicious?  I just have no idea what you would mix it with...

8.  I woke up with a headache this morning.  Don't you hate that?  I'm hoping it goes away by 8 as I have back to back meetings all day and a headache just isn't going to help me there.

9.  So I'm not a fan of big banks...they're the devil or at least an agent of the devil.  So Hubby and I went to a credit union last year and have been very satisfied.  Of course, this credit union is local so we must close our account.  To make money movement easier in the coming month, we're opening accounts with a national bank.  Ugh.  The bright side of closing some accounts and opening others is that we get to drag our kids to banks this afternoon.  It seems that the most tortuous form of abuse for kids is taking them to a bank...at least that's how my kids see it.  Should be fun.

10.  We gave our notice to our landlord that we'll be out by January 1st.  He said he'd right us a recommendation letter if we need one.  I hope we can rent directly from a private owner in FL as opposed to a property management company...we've had really good luck with that in the past.

So there's my TTT a day early...I swear...I should just go home and go back to sleep until it actually is Thursday...
 

Catching Up and Recommitting

So I decided I had to catch up on blogs before I wrote this post this morning and I finally did.  I even commented on most of them.  I apologize for being a neglectful blog buddy...I'm hoping that ends today.

The weekend was good albeit too short.

They shipped Hubby's car Thursday so Friday Hubby had to come pick me up from work.  He and the girls got to hang out in downtown Tempe for a little bit while I finished things up.  Hubby and I have so many memories of Mill Avenue as we both went to college at ASU and I've worked down here for 8 years now. Here is my youngest with one of the big rabbits down here:

Saturday, Hubby's friends threw him us a going away party.  It was mostly for him...but that makes sense as he leaves this Saturday and I'm here for another month.  I didn't invite any of my friends even though I could have because it seemed silly since I'll still be in AZ for awhile.  Anyway...I did get a couple pics of the evening...

Looking at these pictures now, I have redonkilously big arms!!  Seriously...I didn't realize they were so big!  Eeewwww...they're like ginormous man arms!

Sunday was spent mostly lazing around the house as Hubby and I were a bit hung over and the girls were overtired from having fun cousin Taylor babysit them Saturday night.  We got virtually nothing done but the house is clean and most of the laundry is done so I'm calling it a success.

My niece and Lori sleeping in

This morning, I'm at work even though it's Veteran's Day and the rest of my office has off.  I'm hoping to get a little caught up and I'll be able to use a floating holiday later this year when I really need it during the move. Of course I've spent this first bit reading blogs but I'm also getting a bit of work done in between so whatevs.  :)  For breakfast, I had a peppermint stick clif bar.  It was fantastic.  While certainly not paleo or particularly healthy, at least it was organic.  LOL.  I also abstained from Starbucks as is the plan until the weekend.

One thing that became painfully obvious this weekend is that I must recommit...to EVERYTHING.  Not just the weight loss stuff, although that's a big part of it (I am up 10 lbs from my lowest).  Mostly to the well being stuff.  Every time I have eaten like crap this past month, my stomach has hurt and I have felt sick.  I have felt tired and rundown and just not good.  My body is rejecting the shitty food so why do I continue to eat it?  So I sent Hubby off to Sprouts today to buy some good wholesome food for me to eat this week.  I need to take care of my body because I just feel so much better when I do, physically AND mentally.  I think we really underestimate how taking care of our physical bodies can also keep us mentally stable.  So what am I recommitting to?  Here we go:

I'm recommitting to eating healthy, wholesome foods 90% of the time.
I'm recommitting to Starbucks only once a week.
I'm recommitting to bringing my breakfast and lunch from home.
I'm recommitting to making better choices both at home and out to eat.
I'm recommitting to doing my daughters' homework with them throughout the week as opposed to the day before it's due (oops!  I've gotten bad about this and it just leads to more stress).
I'm recommitting to staying up on the household chores.
I'm recommitting to sticking to my to do lists and not procrastinating.
I'm recommitting to finding time even just a few minutes a day to remind myself of all the good things I have going on in my life.
I'm recommitting to getting OUTSIDE with my girls more often than not.
I'm recommitting to blogging.  I will support others in this journey, look to blogs for inspiration like I did in the beginning and post to my own blog at least 3 times a week for accountability.

Things I'm letting go to a certain extent because at this point, they may just cause me more stress than I can handle:
I'm letting go of the notion of exercising at the gym 4 times a week.  I will try to get there when I can and be active when I can but this is getting so much harder as Hubby leaves.  I will focus on food more to make up for this.
I'm letting go of my 5th 5k of the year.  I set the goal to do 5 5k's this year.  I have done 4.  The last one was supposed to be in November or December and while there are plenty of options...I simply don't have the time nor the babysitters to get this done.  I'm OK with this.  4 and a Warrior Dash is nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm letting go of my disappointment with not reaching my weight loss goal for the year.  It's November.  It ain't gonna happen.  I have not been living the way I need to in order to reach my goal and I'm OK with that.  I've already got some good stuff planned in 2013 to get me there.

For those States side, I hope you all have a wonderful veterans day and remember those who served for our freedom.  Regardless of how you feel about the current state of our military and whether it's necessary for us to be in all these foreign countries, fighting other people's battles, support our troops and their families.  They're making the sacrifices so that we don't have to.

Be Empowered

4 flights of stairs.  So one thing I set out to do at the beginning of all this, one small change I made was taking the stairs at work.  I've always hated stairs.  After 2 flights, I could barely breathe.  And I rarely ever took stairs WITH anyone because I didn't want them to hear the labored breathing and fire drills were the worst.  We'd all be walking back upstairs and I'd be practically holding my breath when we got to the top so people wouldn't think I was dying.  Truth be told, even now, it's usually just one flight.  And sometimes I skip doing it if I'm with people that don't take the stairs.  This morning, a friend drove me to work.  I walked up 4 flights in the parking garage and I wasn't even winded.  That's a heck of an NSV!

Sometimes it's really easy for me to forget how far I've come in the last few years but I have come far.  After feeling like crap after my last spin class, thinking that somehow my muscles just weren't getting it done, this made me feel better.  This leads me to the long overdue post inspired by another Bodyworks instructor.

Be Empowered

It's been several weeks now so I can't remember the context of how she said it or what we were trying to do when she said it.  My guess is we were doing something people were struggling with but she said "Be empowered to push yourself!"

Yes!  So of course I spent the rest of my class thinking of all these things we must be empowered to do.

Be empowered to commit to a healthier lifestyle.
Be empowered to make a difference in your own life.
Be empowered to put yourself first.
Be empowered to try new things, new foods, new experiences.
Be empowered to train harder.
Be empowered to love yourself no matter your size or short comings.
Be empowered to accept others for who they are and not expect them to be something they aren't.
Be empowered to do whatever it takes to be the best version of you that's possible.

We can do all this.  The power resides in each one of us to take hold of a dream, whether it be a weight loss goal, being healthy, a new career, being a better parent...anything...take hold of that dream and empower ourselves to make it a reality.

Panda Who?

Breathe Manda...Breathe.

Let's see...since Halloween...we made our flight to Atlanta, got to experience the Atlanta public transportation system.  It was awesome (not so much).  The wedding was what it was.  Hubby's brother was a total douche nozzle the entire time and his parents barely acknowledged my existence.  Typical in law behavior.  But we survived...I probably drank about 8000 calories worth of booze to get through the weekend but get through it I did.

We got back Sunday, picked up the girls, took Monday off to recuperate.  Hubby and I saw Seven Psychopaths.  Interesting movie but can't decide if I liked it or not.  It's definitely one of the weirder movies I've seen lately.

I went back to work yesterday to a huge cluster.  Things are just going nuts around here.  Barely enough time to breathe, much less blog.  I did go to the gym on Monday and Tuesday but for some reason, I am ridiculously sore today so today will be a rest day for me.  I feel good that I got to the gym at all last week and this week...as things have been so scrambled.  The food choices have suffered as well, I'm afraid.  I have no excuses other than lack of effort on my part.  Regardless of how long I've been at this, it's still not second nature for me to pick the best choice at a restaurant or not emoti-eat when dealing with my in laws.  I'd also love to say that all that stops now and I'm back "on the wagon" or "finding my mojo" or whatever but it just isn't happening today.

In other news, we're dealing with relocation stuff.  They're picking up Hubby's car tomorrow to ship it to Florida.  I can't believe it takes 12 days to ship a car!  So we're trying to figure out how to be a one-car household for the next week or so.  He's busy getting his short term living thing set up...he'll basically be at a long term hotel until we find a place.  We're having to raise our living budget in order to be in a good school district which kind of ticks me off.  I thought we'd be seeing a lower cost of living moving to Jax, but that doesn't seem to be the case.  Hubby bought his ticket out there for the 17th and it's quickly approaching.  So much to do before he leaves and even more to do once he's gone.  I'm a little scared at being a single mom for the next month or so.  I rely on Hubby for a lot.

Don't worry blogosphere.  One day I will be back to blogging about weight loss and fitness and new goals and endeavours.  It's just not where I am right now.  I'm doing my best to stay active and trying to keep portions in check, if nothing else.  Hope all is well and if there's anything big or exciting going on in your world, please leave me a comment to keep me in the loop.  :)